5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 5 (Endurance)

In the final segment of the 5 lessons about your marriage kids learn by example deals with the subject of endurance. Endurance is one of the most important skills you will need in marriage, but is seldom discussed when you say “I Do”.

In today’s world, it is acceptable to move on when things aren’t working, but what are we teaching our kids? When we tell our kids, “Hang in there, don’t give up,” they look at us confused based on our actions never finishing what we start.

If you want to leave a legacy of endurance in your marriage, here are 3 ways you can teach endurance to your children.

Have endurance when it comes to Education.

If you have returned to school, or are striving for a Master’s degree. Show your kids endurance. One of the things, I most admired about my wife was that she finished her degree, while working a full-time job plus being pregnant. It’s very easy to give up especially when you have a full-time job and a family to just stop. By hanging in there to finish what you have started will show your kids that when obstacles stand in their way, they can overcome them if they keep working hard.

Have endurance when it comes to mundane tasks.

Not everything in our lives are thrilling and exciting. Most of our daily lives consist of little mundane tasks that must be done in order to get to the exciting things. Jobs like, cutting the grass, taking out the trash, or fix-it projects around the house might not leave you with the sense of accomplishment.

Remember, it’s better to show your kids that you can finishing the job instead of starting something new.

Have endurance when others criticize you.

If you are in a leadership position, you are going to receive criticism. If you can overcome criticism and still make the right decisions and maintain your integrity, it will have immeasurable effects.

When they have to make tough decisions, hopefully they will have the skills and the strength to choose wisely based on the examples you have shown them in your life rather than succumb to peer pressure.

In the end, if we can provide examples of Love, Respect, Integrity, Giving, and Endurance when it’s time for them to establish their own family you will leave a lasting legacy.

5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 4 (Giving)

Part 4 of our 5 part series of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by your example has to do with Giving.

One of the most important ways, that our kids will follow our example is how we Give.

Our kids at an early age understand the word Get, especially when they see us purchase anything we want, or if anytime they ask for something and we buy it for them.

What we truly don’t understand is that our kids truly enjoy how much we give them versus how much we get them.

Let me explain. There are three crucial things that we can give, that will carry over into their own marriages when they have kids.

When you give them Thanks

Our kids will watch us, especially when you give thank them. Our kids feel empowered when we thank them for doing something out of the ordinary, or even more simply for being themselves. This will be helpful as our kids get to their teen years because their identity is constantly being challenged. If they get a sense from you that you value who they are it will provide confidence and self-esteem.

When you give them Time.

This is also  important, but can be very challenging. Uninterrupted time is something we take for granted, but what our kids cherish the most. Imagine, if you gave each of your kids 1 hour of devoted time every day for them to do whatever they wanted. That can be a challenge for anyone. One thing, my wife and I do is give each of our children their own vacation by themselves. I can say, those opportunities have been the most memorable for all of them and it has truly allowed us to know them as individuals.

When you show them how to give out of your wallet.

By donating to a cause you believe in, whether it be your church or a non-profit organization it will help your kids understand that earning a living doesn’t mean that you buy things just for yourself. You should systematically sacrifice it to give to others in need.

 

More important to give things than to have things.

When show them how to give of yourself.

Your kids will definitely watch how you extend yourself to neighbors. Take the time to get to know them, at least their names, and their children’s names. At some point, invite them over to dinner. You will be amazed how beneficial this will be for your neighbors; for your kids and even to you.

 

5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 3 (Respect)

In part 3 of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by your example has to deal with respect.

In order for your children to learn about respect from you, respect has to be a part of your daily life, and must show up in all areas of your life. Your children will understand the importance of respect by adhering to these principles:

1. You must have an outward plus an inward respect for people.
2. You must show respect to your wife, plus your father and mother.
3. You must show respect to the family pet(s).
4. You must continue to show respect to your teen children, even though they may show disrespect to you.
5. You must respect the differences of your children and show them that these differences are important to making the family function effectively
6. You must respect the special gifts and talents of your children, try not cater, or favor one child’s strengths over the other and put them in the best positions to be successful.

 

 

The question for the day is “How has the issue of respect been a challenge when it comes to raising your children.”

 

Coach Keith

5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 2 (Integrity)

In part 2 of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by example is dealing with integrity. As parent, we can’t always choose the type of influence we have on our kids. We can influence them negatively, or positively. So the best thing we can do is to remain true to ourselves. But we must realize how our integrity plays a part in influencing their lives.

Integrity to our spouse. 

In your wedding vows, you usually shout, or some of you reluctantly utter these words, “I take you to be my husband or wife to death do us part.” Currently, only a little more than  half of us take that part of our vows seriously. We live in a society that says, “If it’s broke, don’t fix it, get a new model.”

There may be circumstances that you choose as the reason to get divorce, but you may be showing your kids that if it’s okay to quit divorce, then it’s okay to quit almost anything in your life.

When we decide to get married and then move on to have a family, we are making not only a promise to our wife/husband, but to our kids that we will do whatever it takes to keep the family intact. Since we as human beings aren’t perfect and make mistakes, we may have to work very hard to ensure our children that we won’t  hold those mistakes against our spouses.  

Integrity in our promises to our kids.

Another way our kids learn about integrity is when we make promises to our kids. If we promise to take them on vacation, attend their extra-curricular activity, check their homework, we better keep those promises. When we break them, it shows our kids that integrity isn’t important and it chips away at the type of integrity they should have for themselves. .

Integrity for people in authority.

Finally, the way we talk about people in authority; our President, our public officials, our bosses show our children the type of integrity we have for them. We can teach our kids about integrity not just by what we say, but what we don’t say. Has there ever been a time where your kids repeated something negative you said about someone else?

Are you living a life of integrity for your kids? As an iLoveStrong reader, what are some changes do you have to make to ensure you do?

5 Lessons of about your Marriage kids learn by your example: Part 1(Love)

Believe it or not, our kids are learning about marriage through our example, and not what we say about marriage. With that said, this new 5-part series will focus on how we can teach kids the keys to a strong marriage by the examples we show them in our own marriage.

The first way of course is by how we LOVE. Saying, “I Love you.” isn’t enough especially since our children go through several stages of development.

When a child is an infant, you need to show love immediately and it needs to come from both parents. Since they haven’t begun to talk yet, it’s important that they get to know your both your voices, you both hold them and you both take the time to interact with them.

Around age 2, you will need to discipline them as a part of love. If you train the child early and often, hopefully they will continue to live the lessons you have taught them when you are apart.

At around age 10, you children learn the importance of your love when you spend time with them. If there are certain activities/interests you see that your children are passionate about, do as much as possible to acknowledge their passion and promote opportunities to follow it.

When your kids reach the pre-teen level their mode of thinking tends to be black/white? the love you show for your spouse will really be important because that will be the time when kids are trying to form positive relationships themselves. Showing your spouse outward displays of Love in a respectful way will help them to model how they should be treated as they enter their relationships.

So the #iLoveStrong question for the day is, what outwardly ways do you show your children that you Love them and your spouse?

Coach Keith