10 Tips to a successful Paternity Leave!

Last week I was listening to NPR’s Tell Me More  and the discussion was around Marissa Mayer’s comments about maternity leave. The commentary around her position wasn’t the most interesting, but the comments spoken by Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of the book “Mommy Wars”.

Her comments were as follows:

You know what? I tell you, my husband took three days of paternity leave with my first child, and it broke my heart. It would’ve changed everything for me if he had taken the full month or six weeks that his company allowed. I think it’s a really big issue and I don’t – I think that the physicality of pregnancy is really – is a huge part of maternity leave. But I also think that we wouldn’t have this big problem and this big focus on maternity leave being only an issue for moms if men paid more attention to it and understood how incredibly important it is.

I was wondering if by chance other wives’ feel the same way. According to a CNN website on Parenting. 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent).  There anger stems from the fact that men don’t  seem to pay attention to or understand their children’s basic needs.

As husbands, if you are considering taking the scheduled paternity leave and support your family, here are some very important tips that can help you win.

1. If you take your child to a scheduled activity, the ladies of other children won’t necessarily let you into their circle right away. Make sure bring the hottest literature..i.e. 50 Shades of Grey to add value to the group.
2. Those same ladies also won’t be talking football, basketball, baseball or hockey so you must be up to date on the current reality shows, cutest fashions, or what’s happening in town.
3. Under no circumstances should your child be in a heavy diaper when your wife gets home. She will suspect the child has been neglected all day.
4. You will have to master at least two other skills simultaneously while taking care of junior. It will increase your security within the family unit, plus there may be some extra bennies later in the evening.
5. It will allow you to ask for a night to hang out with the fellas. I suggest you pick Friday night. Why, it’s the end of the week. She will want to spend time with the kids and you will be free.
6. Take your child to the park often. It’s a big ego booster, when mom’s see a man taking care of his kids.
7. You don’t have to worry about going to the gym. Lifting the car seat and hold the baby will do the trick.
8. Whatever you do don’t make any playdates with the hot mom’s you meet during your travels. You will surely fall into tip #3 which will lead to questions. If you are a risk taker, make sure you set a time at least two hours before your wife comes home.
9. If you master tips 1-8, it will be a definite boost to your sex life, but you will have to remember tip #4 and take naps when the children nap. Otherwise you will be the one that’s tired.
10. Have fun. As the children get older, the bond you have with them will be greater than you ever imagine.

 

Strivers! What do you think about the tips? What other tips are essential to a successful paternity leave?

10 Reasons not to miss the next Relationship Cruise!

This past weekend was the first Power of We Relationship Cruise hosted by Keith Dent and Strive 2 Succeed Coaching Services. We left Bayonne, NJ on a 7-day journey to the island of Bermuda. To say the trip was awesome and empowering was an understatement.  I really can’t give just one reason why you don’t want to miss the next cruise, so I will give you ten.

#10 – The  opportunity to participate in fun activities that helps you understand your spouse’s personality in a much clearer way.

#9 – An opportunity to hang out with like-minded couples that value their marriage.

#8 – You get to take your spouse on a romantic dinner every night. 

#7 – Talk to your spouse about how to empower your marriage in a relaxed atmosphere.

#6 – The  opportunity to try something new with your spouse. (WE WENT SCUBA DIVING. AWESOME!)

#5 – You actually have time to write a real love letter to your spouse.

#4 – Learned new and improved ways to communicate with your spouse.

#3 – Have fun. Playing games. (We  played Ping-Pong.)

#2 – If you have kids, this cruise gives you the opportunity to just be a husband or a wife and not just parents, as quoted by Tyrone  Brooks, participant on the cruise.

#1 – It’s self-explanatory, if you don’t know, you need to call me.

YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THE NEXT ONE….Details will follow very soon.

 

Coach Keith

She Said/He Said – Cedric Weary’s Turn

I know, I usually follow-up right away with He Said the next day after, She Said, but it took me awhile to get it. Sorry about that! I hope you enjoy the other side of Weary family, Cedric, who is musically gifted, just as Daleesa is gifted as a hair designer. I first met him at Cicely Tyson School for the Performing Arts. Who knew he would end up direct some knowledge about marriage.

1. What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband?  

She was tall, thin and had a very nice hairstyle. She was very beautiful but not ‘full of herself’, and seemed to be genuinely a nice person. She had goals and dreams that she was actively striving for. She laughed at my jokes!

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2. When was the moment that you can remember she was the one you wanted to marry? 

It was actually pretty early in our relationship, but being young and VERY slow to act, I waited a long time to ask.  I would say summer of our second year together was when there was no doubt.

3. In your 17 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage? 

How much crap real love can put up with and come out even stronger. There have been ‘Jerry Springer moments’ and ‘Oprah moments’, but through all of them we have survived and came out stronger.

4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?  

1. Communication is a huge key. When you stop talking you are headed for trouble.

2. Knowing you are not the boss! It is a partnership, compromise is key.

3. Getting married for the right reasons. Not because of finances, solely on looks, total package.

5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?  

Yes, a lot different. I would have not made so many bad choices and put stress on my wife because of my immaturity and wanting things my way early on.

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6. What are 3 things modern-day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage?

1. Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk! Communicate and don’t assume or take each other for granted.

2. Continue to do those little things you did to get your mate interested in you. Just because you are married does not mean no more dates, flowers, romantic get aways. It means you get to do them all the time with a person that will appreciate you for it and loves you.

3. Give and take….Give till it hurts and take less than you give. Your effort will be appreciated and will be returned 100 times over if you married the right person for the right reasons.

If you know any couple that is married 15 years and over and would like to be featured in He Said/She Said, please drop a line to Strive2succeed@comcast.net

Coach Keith

Healthy Sex is about Freedom!

When you have sex with your partner it’s freeing. When you’re obligated to have sex, the freedom goes away. And you know it! We all know when our partners are saying yes with their bodies, but no with their hearts. That’s when sex becomes routine, stale, and  boring. Based on these circumstances it’s no wonder why our partners go out and seek what is missing.

Part of knowing a person is knowing what they like sexually. One of the biggest assumptions we bring into marriage is we assume husband’s are going to be warriors in the bedroom and be able to show their wife. As husband’s we assume our wives will scream with ecstasy the second our penis penetrates the vagina and why would they not want that sort of pleasure each and every night.

That’s simply not true.

Sex in our marriages would be more pleasurable, and more healthy if we could allow our partner to express what they like about sex and how often they want it.

Strivers! When was the last time you talked about what you enjoyed about sex with your partner?

Healthy Sex is about having Fun!

Sex can be fun if you allow it to. As we progress in our marriage and we are having sex, we think about:

• Am I doing it right?
• Is she screaming because she is enjoying it, or is it just to make me feel good?
• I can’t wait until he’s finished so I can (fill in the blank).
• Is that all he’s got?
• Is she just going to lay there, while I do all the work?

Set aside time in sex to just have fun. Healthy sex requires you and your partner to communicate. Sex is healthy when you talk about it – your wants, desires, likes, dislikes, fears, etc…

Let’s think about this logically, how do ever know what we like or dislike. We study, experiment, taste, touch, feel.

Why don’t we do that with sex? It’s clear women are looking for it! 50 Shades of Grey anyone!

 

 

Healthy Sex is about Connection!

If you have been married a few years, you get into a routine. It establishes a sense of normalcy, but oftentimes sex isn’t always a part of the routine.

According to some polls out there, here are some feedback on how much sex isn’t included in daily life of our married couples.

• Married couples say they have sex an average of 68.5 times a year. That’s slightly more than once a week. — Newsweek 
  
• Married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters per year than people who have never been married. — Newsweek 
• 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which experts define as a sexless marriage. — Newsweek
  
• 20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today 
• 25 percent of all Americans (a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. —Psychology Today

In reality, when we are dating, we aren’t having sex all the time with our partners. It just seems like it because our energy is channelled into the chunk of time we spend together, the weekend. Also if the sex, becomes infrequent for either partner, they move onto someone else and the process begins all over again. 

If you look up intercourse in Webster’s Dictionary you find these definitions’ (1) connection or dealings between persons or groups, (2) exchange especially of thoughts or feelings (3) physical sexual contact between individuals that involves genitalia of at least one person.”

So Strivers, if healthy sex is about connection, why can’t we follow a simple definition?

Why are people having affairs, their sex lives are unhealthy.

There are many reasons why people are having affairs. According to private investigators featured in Friday Night’s 20/20 Caught in a Bad Romance,  they see just as many women as men stepping out on their partners.  Several reasons people have affairs are for excitement, adventure, revenge, companionship, attention or just plain lust. In essence the reason for the affair can be wrapped up in one single sentence. MY RELATIONSHIP ISN’T HEALTHY, THEREFORE MY SEX LIFE ISN’T HEALTHY.

In our society, sex is considered the pinnacle of our relationships. An excellent article on WEBMD’s website reflects the reasons why people have sex. It’s mostly around selfish reasons and not for the good of the relationship. In reality, sex should be used as a barometer for the relationship, not the indicator. Your sex lives should be good and healthy because your relationship reflects the same thing. On the flip side, if your sex life is one-sided, it’s because your relationship is also one-sided. Let me make something clear, I didn’t say sex should be plentiful. If you have a family and a job, the odds that you are “hittin’ it” every night or every weekend for that matter is unrealistic. But when you do have sex, it should be enjoyable and satisfying for both you and your partner.

In the book Rescuing your Love Life  by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, the Hebrew word for “having sex” means “to know”.  In order to have a healthy sex life, you must truly know your partner.

How do you truly know the person you wake up next to every day? Over the next four days, we will examine how you must know your partner in the most intimate way, absent from fear, shame, hurt, or guilt. So we can get back to having healthy sex lives.