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Tag Archives: Marriage

Couples Conversation – Do You Need a Timeout?

 

A timeout in marriage is a way to regroup, cool off, and think about how to move forward. “Take a timeout” is good marriage advice when you’re stuck in the cycle of arguing about the same thing over and over again.

Some important things to think about when you call a timeout are as follows:

1. When to call a timeout

You need to know the right time to call it.

2. When not to call a timeout

You can’t call it if makes the conflict worse.

3. What a timeout is not

A timeout is not a way avoid the issue.

4. What to do during a timeout

The timeout is a way to breathe and think calmly about the situation so you can move forward.

Have you ever used a timeout during arguments with your spouse? How did it work?

 

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you like leave a comment, or reach out at info@keithdent.com if you are having challenges in your relationship and dating life.

 
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Posted by on August 10, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD, Uncategorized

 

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Couples Conversation – How do you react to Conflict?

Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats recently celebrated their 10-year anniversary. In a recent blog post on BET, the couple mentioned they never have raised their voice to each other.

In a blog written by Douglas Ernst, he stated that.

Raising your voice does denote anger, but a healthier way of conveying that feeling is to simply say, “I am angry.” If you say what you mean and mean what you say with your spouse on a regular basis, then that statement alone will be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

So I would love to know. When was the last time you raised your voice to your spouse? Did you get the satisfaction you were looking for? Did the problem get resolved?

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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Couples Conversation – Will Relationships Change in a Post-Covid World?

 

When a COVID Vaccine is finally found, how will it impact the world of relationships, dating, and Sex?

Will we go back to the invisible labor that women have had to do for so long behind the scenes that have been totally brought into the open for many families during this pandemic?

Will couples no longer rush to cohabitate, because the ability to experiment and form relationships has been severely curtailed?

Will Zoom dating and Zoom sex become the norm?

All important things to think about as cases begin to rise as the pandemic lingers.

What do you think?

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you like leave a comment, or reach out at info@keithdent.com if you are having challenges in your relationship and dating life.

 

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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Couples Conversation – Forgiveness and Accountability. Is it Possible?

Problems can arise in your marriage when a romantic partner makes a mistake, or treats you bad hurts you badly. In your marriage, can you forgive them while holding them accountable? Ultimately, the goal is to reestablish the relationship and prevent them from hurting you again. But, will forgiveness motivate them to “see the error of their ways”? Or, is holding them accountable the key to making sure the situation does not happen again?

 

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re having difficulty forgiving and or holding your partner accountable, check out http://www.keithdent.com. If you need help NOW, drop Keith a message at info@keithdent.com.

 

 

 

 
 

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Couples Conversation – Key to Holding a Relationship Together?

 

In a recent blog, Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said this, “In over 30 years as a psychologist, I have never had an adult look back at their childhood and complain that their parents were too understanding. And similarly, I have met many divorced people who still love each other but never really understood each other. My point is that many relationships have broken up and marriages have been torn apart not because the partners didn’t love each other but because they didn’t understand one another.”

So what do you do to better understand your partner?

Do you need help in this area?

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re in desperate need to understand your partner better to strengthen you bond contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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Couples Conversation – Your Growth! Do You Get Support?

Are you growing, but your partner and is resistant to that growth?  If ther is resistant, it can create an impasse for you as a couple.

If you are growing as an individual, has your partner noticed and what is he/she doing to support you in your growth?

Growth in a marriage requires attention, effort, intention and strong communication. In other words, change.

 

Keith Dent is a certified coach and author of In the Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you feel you need a change, but am not sure how to communicate that to your partner contact Keith at info@keithdent.com

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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Couples Conversation – A partner’s growth!

 

A Growth-focused relationships are all about encouraging each other’s challenges and dreams. With that said, how are you inspiring your partner to take on a new professional or personal goal? In what area does your partner have room to grow?

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2020 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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A 10-Step Beta Husbands Guide To A Better Marriage

There is a shift going on in marriage today. The rise of the beta husband. As a man, I know you might not have expected to be in this distinct group, but let me help you understand you aren’t alone.

The last study done in 2013 by the Institute of Family Studies showed that among married, heterosexual couples in the U.S., a quarter of wives, or about 15 million, are the primary breadwinners in their family.

There are many challenges that can come with this marriage dynamic. For one, we as men are taught to hang our badge based on what we do in life, not on what we do at home, as well as women who don’t usually get rewarded from bringing home the bacon. In our society, it’s the exact opposite.

Another issue is the assumption that the other partner may have a better situation. The husband may think his wife is going out enjoying lunch and happy hours with fellow co-workers, but not see the stress getting those same co-workers to take her leadership seriously. The woman may feel he’s just hanging out after he drops off the children, but in reality, he is struggling with his self-esteem and identity.

One thing we do know, this new dynamic isn’t going away. As women are given more opportunities to excel corporately and as entrepreneurs, husbands, if you have the ability to stay home, or take a lesser role at work for the benefit of the family, you will have to identify the best way to excel individually and in the marriage.  

If you are having a hard time figuring it out, here is a Ten-Step Beta Husband’s Guide to loving a Type-A wife.

  1. Identify your comfortability with your role reversal. I’m sure when you got married, you didn’t expect that you would be scheduling playdates and managing the home. If you don’t like it, or if you are struggling, then be honest. Tell your wife, but even more importantly you will have to come up with a plan. If you don’t you will be stuck in an untenable situation.
  2. If you are comfortable with the way the relationship is going, find something you are passionate about and pursue it while managing your other duties. Your alpha wife doesn’t care so much that you aren’t the primary breadwinner. What she does care about is that you’re actively doing something to make you strive to be the best person you can be. giphy[1]
  3. Make sure the relationship doesn’t become parental. If you hear phrases like, “You’re like my 3rd child!” or “Do I have to ask you again, Can you please…” then sit your wife down and ask her, “Do you feel like you’re my parent?” If she says, “Yes, sometimes,” then it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship because if she feels this way then you know that sometimes, she’s going to treat you like a child. And the needs you have as her husband are not going to be met. giphy[1]
  4. Avoid being isolated. Having a social network is critical to being a beta husband. You just don’t want to feel that you’re managing your life alone and you totally on your wife for support. If you were ever in the situation where your wife is now, remember how that felt. Most of the time, you needed some space just to relax and you wished she had friends to talk to. You need to find the same people in your life that will do the same. And to top it all off your wife is still probably doing more work around the house than you are. So you can’t get angry when she falls asleep from exhaustion. giphy[1]
  5. Appeal to your wife’s feminine side.  Your wife may be kickin’ ass and taking names outside the house, but she is still a woman and needs to be reminded of that from time to time, so it’s up to you to do it. So what does that mean as the beta husband you have to put your wife first. Be spontaneous, buy her a gift, or schedule a date for lunch at her office if possible.
  6. Push back when warranted. In the office, an alpha woman doesn’t exert her will onto men as they cower in the corner, she is  constantly being challenged, but stand up to their beliefs. At home, they want the same thing. In other words, she wants you to have an opinion. Being a beta husband doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. Remember marriage is about a partnership, teamwork. If you have a conviction about an issue, share it so you can discuss it together.
  7. Remind her that you are dependable, responsive, and supportive. In other words, you are there for her, something that her more alpha fantasy man might not be.
  8. Figure out the best way to get more chores done. It’s no secret that even when women make more money than us, they still do more housework. That has to be corrected. If you don’t it will cause your spouse to become resentful because in her mind she will say, “You’re not pulling your weight around here.” So figure out the best tool that will help you get projects accomplished. Either create lists or use a project management app whatever works.
  9. Create an atmosphere of romance. If romance and sex are important to you, you’ll have to make it a priority. So she makes more money than you, that doesn’t mean she is also going to be the aggressor in the bedroom. You will still have to do those things that put her in the mood. Take note if she is no longer doing those romantic things you need as a husband you should let her know that it’s important to maintain a healthy sex life.
  10. Step up so she can step back. No matter what the situation is, whether she has expressed her displeasure in your current situation or not, she is just looking for you to take the pressure off.

In the end if you can figure out some of these details you and your relationship will be headed in the right direction.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win the Game of Love .  If you need help regaining the respect you have for your spouse, contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 
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Posted by on May 27, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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4 Ways She Can Mentally Know She Needs You.

4 Ways She Can Mentally Know She Needs You.

The coronavirus not only has been wreaking havoc with our health and our economy, but it has really done a number on our relationships. The social distancing that was put in place for the entire country has done two things. It has either isolated you from your partner thus creating further distance and anxiety, or the attachment has caused constant stress and has forced you to re-evaluate what you need from your partner.

Gentleman, if your relationship has taken a hit and you’re not clear what you need to do to get back on track, here are four things you need to do to back on track and help you understand what she needs.

Open Communication is the first step!

Open communication needs to occur regularly and frequently if you want to get back on track. During this crisis if you haven’t been communicating openly then it may mean to her that the relationship is coming to an end. If you want to start to regain a healthy relationship this is the first order of business.

Open communication will help you strengthen the respect you have for one another. It will also help you be more transparent with your partner.

Open communication will also help you avoid miscommunication because fewer things will go unsaid helping her to become more secure.

Honesty is still the best policy!

During this time being honest with your partner gives you a great deal of comfort. When she trusts you implicitly she can become your best self and vice versa. This will bring back the positive energy that will make your relationship thrive while reducing those future ups and downs.

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Start taking responsibility for your part in the relationship! 

Doing this can be a major game-changer for your relationship especially if you were not comfortable doing this in the past. By taking ownership of your actions you are showing you can be vulnerable which in turn can help her do the same. The best way to start taking ownerships is done in 3 Steps:

  • Being Self-Aware
  • Apologizing
  • Understanding what you do affects her

One other thing is that you also have to stop taking the blame for things you didn’t do. It’s counterproductive to the two topics we discussed earlier, open communication and honesty.

Rebuild Trust!

If you are able to the first three things, her trust in you will begin to increase. Some important things that you will need to keep in mind are to make sure you actively listen to her when it comes to open communication because that is the main component.

If you have to apologize for your actions make sure to act on those words.

And finally, be patient don’t beat yourself up if things don’t get better overnight. If you continue to work on your relationship, once the coronavirus has subsided, you will be in a much stronger place.

By taking these four action steps now really repair the damage the coronavirus has done to your relationship. She will truly understand that not only do you physically fill her needs but mentally as well.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win the Game of Love .  If you need help regaining the respect you have for your spouse, contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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What Women Do And Don’t Want To Hear From You in a Text!

Texting is a perfect form of communication when it comes to daily interaction with your wife. First of all, it’s quick. So much so that 77 billion messages are sent around the globe daily. Secondly, you can also multi-task especially if some important thoughts come to your head when you are in a boring business meeting you can send it out. Third, it can enhance your relationship if you and your spouse have the same texting style.

One drawback is to avoid resolving conflicts and making important decisions over text. By not talking about these things face-to-face it can make things worse because you can’t read tone or body language from a text.

So if texting is an important mode of communication with your wife then here are 12 Do’s and Don’t in what women want to hear from you in a text.

Don’t  Send a text that will spark a fight!

It will only escalate more when you finally come together because words can be misconstrued without tone and non-verbal cues.

Do Send a thinking of you text.

Your wife wants to know you are thinking of her and at some point during the day you probably are so why no let her know.

Don’t Send the Dismissive text.

The “K” text can be the powder for an explosive outburst from your wife. When she is expecting more of a response from you and all she gets is one letter it can lead her to conjure up what you’re feeling or thinking and it probably won’t be good.

Do Send the Your Right text.

Your wife wants to feel that she is heard and that her opinion matters. By sending her a text telling her “she’s right” lets her you were listening to her.

Don’t Send the Your Cray-Cray text.

Did this ever work when you were talking face to face and there wasn’t laughter at the end of that statement? Then why do you think it would work in a text? Don’t do it!

Do Send the What can I do for you text.

What’s great about this text is that it’s open-ended. It will let your wife know you will serve her in any way she needs.

Don’t Send the rambling text.

Especially if she asked about your feelings before you left for work and you said, “Nothing!” This could be a signal to your wife that you’re uncomfortable sharing your feelings unless you’re in front of a screen. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Do Send the Flirty text.

Sending that flirtatious text show desire. In marriage, it’s a part of the intimate relationship that can spark the chemicals in your brain and make your sex life more intense. Send these texts early and often.

Don’t Send the Not Now text.

If you’re busy then say so and let her know when you can text her back. The words “not now” will surely not go over well especially if full-blown text conversation with someone else when the two of you were out to dinner. It will send a signal that she isn’t a priority in your life.

Do Send I’m glad to share this journey with you text.

Because marriage is a journey there are ups and downs and your wife wants to be assured you’re along for the ride.

Don’t Send the ________ text.

The non-responsive text is a definite “no-no” If your partner sends you a text she’ll expect a response. By not responding it shows her you’re not as connected as she thinks. That way cause you to be moved to second place on the ICE (In Case of Emergency) list.

Do Send the let’s go out tonight text, the kids are taken care of.

Your wife wants to spend time with you, but she also knows that if the kids aren’t taken care of she won’t really have a good time. By not only planning what you are doing for the evening but also securing babysitting will guarantee the both of you will have a great time.

Texting is an easy way to stay connected to your wife at any time and in any place. Knowing the right and wrong thing to say in a text can enhance the communication you have with your wife avoid misunderstandings.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you need a consultation, contact him at info@keithdent.com

 

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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