When you’re in a marriage or relationship long enough — and when I mean long, I mean any length of time past the honeymoon phase — trying to maintain a healthy balance of these three facets can be challenging.
Men, I know we often feel that taking her on a spare-no-expenses vacation or purchasing an extravagant gift is the best way to maintain peace within your relationship or marriage.
But in reality, if you create a habit doing little things for her, those simple gestures will do more to keep your love alive than any one-time fancy trip or present ever will.
To check out these 15 romantic gestures, click here.
Brothas, if you want my advice about marriage and relationships, there is one thing you should definitely know. If you are cheating on your woman, more likely than not that she already knows about it, or at least has an idea.
Most girlfriends and wives are highly in tune with their boyfriends or husbands mannersisms and behaviors not just towards them, but other women as well.
If you disagree with me and you feel you can continue to have an affair without ever facing the wrath of your partner, then you do you. I can pretty much guarantee that there will, indeed, come a time when you walk through the door and find her wide awake and waiting in the dark to ask you a full laundry list of questions.
Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching. He is the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love and his work has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamaMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. If this is you and you feel you are having trouble telling your partner about that you are cheating, contact me via email and let’s have a chat.
For some couples, the wedding has just ended and you are settling into your marriage routine. For others, you have been married for several years, you are all consumed by your kid’s activities and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on your relationship. But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team?
According to a 2014 study that was highlighted in this New York Times article, most of us don’t when it comes to having a decisive marriage. We just simply slide through our marriages and the major decisions we have to make in order to feel like we feel like a team. What’s interesting about this study is that most of us have probably been on a team one way or another; from our sports teams as children to our present work teams. We have always relied on other people to get the job done and to win.
So why doesn’t it translate when we get married? The main reason is our approach. We don’t utilize the team concept when it comes to our relationships. We usually come together because the people we are marrying usually best meet our individual needs, not necessarily the best team. So when we have conflict with our partner or when that partner does something that is far too damaging, we find it’s just easier to change partners.
Even I, who have played on teams almost all of my life, found it difficult to handle arguments with my wife. The main reason was that I focused more on my needs than our needs. One of our more famous stories that my wife usually tells at parties had to deal with one of our adventures to the grocery store to buy formula for our infant daughter, Olivia, 22 years ago. Yes, it’s still fresh. We would normally buy Enfamil with Iron, but on this day, I didn’t have enough money in my wallet to buy it, so stupidly, I just bought the regular Enfamil. Well, most of you know what happened next. My wife was furious that I would put my need to keep a few extra dollars in the bank before the families’ needs of making sure our daughter was healthy and go the best. So the next day, she bought the one most expensive high chairs in the store. What did I say about this? Nothing, because I knew I wasn’t living the team first concept.
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win at The Game of Love. If you struggling with your spouse to communicate and work as a team and you need help click here for a free assessment.
Hey, men! Have you ever adamantly said something to your girlfriend or wife along the lines of, “You know I love you and appreciate you!”, only for her to wait for a beat and reply, “Thank you! But … why?”
Suddenly, you’re standing there tongue-tied, because like most men, you get uncomfortable when you feel vulnerable, and trying to articulate your deepest, innermost feelings can be rough.
It’s understandable for you to feel that way, but she’s still going to want to hear you say something romantic that tells her how much she means to you. — and one great idea too many people giving advice about dating, relationships and marriage forget is that there are so many creative ways to say “I love you” without necessarily having to come up with words of your own!
Married life is not easy and if you and your spouse have been together for a long while, you already know this. Love is not the only thing that keeps healthy relationships going.
I’ve seen couples who are similar to each other and couples who are complete opposites have successful lasting relationships and marriages.
Now that 2020 has come to a close, I’m sure folks are ready to turn the page a move into 2021.
Resolutions are great because they gives you a chance to clear your mind, reflect on what’s important to you, and move in a positive direction, provide concrete goals that can give you focus and stability, and show others that you are striving towards your dreams. In fact, 74% of Americans say they’re determined to learn something new, make a lifestyle change or set a personal goal in an effort to better themselves in 2021. You can’t imagine the number of people that will be positively impacted!
When we think about resolutions, we usually think of individual goals we want to achieve for ourselves, like losing weight, getting a new job, or saving more money.
But my advice is that many relationships would improve if partners create New Year’s resolutions together as a couple.
Why is that important?
It means you will have a built-in accountability partner. Remember one of the famous acronyms for team is “Together Each Achieves More.” This will ensure that you and your partner stay committed to the resolutions you create.
You can also have fun with it by making it a date night activity and continuing to do so throughout the year as the two of you check-in with each other to see how your resolutions are going.
Finally, this provides an opportunity to celebrate your successes together. Being intentional about improving your lives will automatically improve your relationship or marriage.
To help you start your own resolution list, here are my 15 best ideas for New Year’s resolutions couples can make as a team.
1. Take a look back at the past year together.
By focusing on what happened the past year, you more than likely would have forgotten the little squabbles that impacted your marriage at the moment.
Looking back on the fond memories of the past year will help you look forward optimistically to the year ahead.
It’s hard for an individual to stick to eating healthy when the other isn’t.
Creating a healthy eating plan together with exercise can not only help you lose weight, but you will also have more energy to do fun things together.
3. Set aside time on a daily or weekly basis to check in with each other.
Since communication can be the biggest challenge to a healthy marriage or relationship, it’s imperative that you carve out space to check in with each other.
This shouldn’t be the where you just check-in to talk about your resolutions, but talk about life in general.
4. Create a family mission statement.
This statement allows the two of you, as well as your children, to feel a sense of unity and purpose.
It lets each member know that everyone is truly committed to each other’s success and growth.
5. Pay off a credit card.
It’s no secret that finances can be a source of stress and worry among couples.
Creating a strict budget or using the snowball method to pay down debt can make you generally happier.
6. When it comes to sex, explore how you can be more creative.
If you have been married for a while making sex a priority can be challenging.
By infusing a little more creativity and fun in your sex life will all of a sudden make it a must thing to do for your marriage to thrive.
7. Read and discuss a helpful book about relationships and/or marriage.
Sometimes it’s hard to articulate the things you want out of marriage.
Having a book discussion about marriage can really get to the heart of the matter without trying to figure things out on your own.
8. Take turns choosing a new activity to try together each month.
This does a couple of things.
First, you get a chance to have a new experience as a couple every month. If nothing else, this means you will have 12 new stories to tell by the end of the year.
Second, by alternating who chooses the month’s activity, you will have to keep your partner in mind because you will want them to enjoy the event as much as you will.
9. Create a proactive plan for handling conflict.
As you are working to achieve your goals, you can’t expect every day to be sunny and rosy.
If you have avoided conflicts in the past, make plan figure out how to resolve them by remaining respectful.
10. Schedule your annual doctor’s appointments.
If you have your health, you have everything.
11. Choose a cause to volunteer for together.
This is a great way to live out your values and have a wonderful bonding experience at the same time.
You can get a fresh perspective on your life as husband and wife when you are supporting an organization or a cause that really needs it.
12. Plan to host a dinner party for other couples.
There is strength in numbers.
Hosting a dinner party allows you to talk about marriage in a fun and silly way and helps you understand that you’re not alone. Remember, social-distancing is still in affect.
13. Set a goal with your children.
Creating a family goal will not only teach your children how to set goals for themselves, it will create a strong bond with your children as a family unit.
Even with all of these mutual goals the two of you are working on, you must still leave some time for each of you to take for yourselves.
You will value each other more as a couple when you make the space and room to develop as individuals.
15. Plan a celebration.
If you can make and achieve at least 80% of these resolutions by the end of the year, 2020 will be awesome. Celebrate your growth as a couple.
Happy New Year!
Keith Dent is a certified coach and author of “In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.” If you are struggling to communicate more effectively with your partner and set future goals, contact him via email to learn more about how he can help.
A timeout in marriage is a way to regroup, cool off, and think about how to move forward. “Take a timeout” is good marriage advice when you’re stuck in the cycle of arguing about the same thing over and over again.
Some important things to think about when you call a timeout are as follows:
1. When to call a timeout
You need to know the right time to call it.
2. When not to call a timeout
You can’t call it if makes the conflict worse.
3. What a timeout is not
A timeout is not a way avoid the issue.
4. What to do during a timeout
The timeout is a way to breathe and think calmly about the situation so you can move forward.
Have you ever used a timeout during arguments with your spouse? How did it work?
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you like leave a comment, or reach out at info@keithdent.com if you are having challenges in your relationship and dating life.
Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats recently celebrated their 10-year anniversary. In a recent blog post on BET, the couple mentioned they never have raised their voice to each other.
Raising your voice does denote anger, but a healthier way of conveying that feeling is to simply say, “I am angry.” If you say what you mean and mean what you say with your spouse on a regular basis, then that statement alone will be treated with the seriousness it deserves.
So I would love to know. When was the last time you raised your voice to your spouse? Did you get the satisfaction you were looking for? Did the problem get resolved?
When a COVID Vaccine is finally found, how will it impact the world of relationships, dating, and Sex?
Will we go back to the invisible labor that women have had to do for so long behind the scenes that have been totally brought into the open for many families during this pandemic?
Will couples no longer rush to cohabitate, because the ability to experiment and form relationships has been severely curtailed?
Will Zoom dating and Zoom sex become the norm?
All important things to think about as cases begin to rise as the pandemic lingers.
What do you think?
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you like leave a comment, or reach out at info@keithdent.com if you are having challenges in your relationship and dating life.
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