Marriage Question of the Day

 

Here is the Marriage Question of the Day.  Has the book ’50 Shades of Grey’, or any other erotic material changed the ways you view sex and expressing your sexuality when it comes to your spouse?

If you were interested in exploring your sexuality in your marriage, how would you approach it with your spouse?

I look forward to hearing your responses!

Coach Keith

 

Funny Marriage Friday!

Marriage isn’t always so serious! Sometimes we have to laugh at ourselves to. This past Monday, President Obama was sworn in for another 4 years. If your spouse was re-elected for another 4-year term what campaign promises would you expect that he/she would have to achieve?

Let’s have fun, I look forward to your responses.

Coach Keith

Being deeply lo…

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

Dr. Martin Luther King on Relationships!

 

Today is a special day! Not only is it Dr. Martin Luther King’s Holiday, but it’s also the public swearing in of our re-elected President Barack Obama. What both of these men have in common is their strong sense of families. So I decided to take some of Dr. King’s favorite quotes and apply them to relationships. I had to take liberty with a few and add my own spin to it. I hope you enjoy.

On Communication:
“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”

On Forgiveness:
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

On Understanding your partner:
“One day we will learn that the heart can never be totally right when the head is totally wrong”

On the State of your Marriage:
“It does not matter how long your marriage lives, but how well you do it.”

“The ultimate measure of a marriage is not where it stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

On Faith:
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

On Connecting with your spouse:
“Whatever affects one spouse directly, affects all indirectly. You can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

“The quality not the longevity, of one’s marriage is what is important.”

On Success in Marriage:

“There is no gain without struggle.”

“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way”

10 Tips to help you become a better team player!

This past weekend was the annual Jack-N-Jill Teen Summit at SUNY Westbury. It was a nice and I was grateful for the opportunity to present the teens with ways to develop a healthy relationship before they get married.

The main topic of the discussion  was centered around sports. We talked about what makes teams excel and how the acts of one individual can destroy a team.  The teens were a little confused at first, but things soon became clear when I explained that relationships are just a team of 2, instead of 5, 9, or 11.

Do you think of your marriage/relationship as a team?

If you do, and you want to maximize your opportunity to win the Marriage Game, here are some tips to a cohesive team.

1. Demonstrate Reliability – A reliable team member gets work done and does their fair share to work hard and meet commitments. Consistency is key. You can count on him or her to be there for you all the time, not just some of the time.
2. Communicates Constructively -This two-person team need both parties to speak up and express their thoughts and ideas clearly, directly, honestly, and with respect for other person on the team.
3. Listens Actively – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for team meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
4. Functions as an Active Participant – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for family meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
5. Shares openly and willingly – Good team players share. They’re willing to share information, knowledge, and experience. They take the initiative to keep other team members informed. Good team players are good at informal sharing. They keep other team members in the loop with information and advice that helps get the job done and prevents surprises.
6. Cooperates and pitches in to help. – Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. Effective team players work this way by second nature. Good team players, despite differences they may have with other team members concerning style and perspective, figure out ways to work together to solve problems and get work done. They respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer help.
7. Exhibits flexibility – Teams often deal with changing conditions — and often create changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don’t complain or get stressed out because the other team member wants to train something new is being tried or some new direction is being set.In addition, a flexible team member can consider different points of views and compromise when needed. He or she doesn’t hold rigidly to a point of view and argue it to death, especially when the team needs to move forward to make a decision or get something done. Strong team players are firm in their thoughts yet open to what others have to offer — flexibility at its best.
8. Shows committment to the team – Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team’s work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same.
9. Works as a problem solver – Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner. They’re problem-solvers, not problem-dwellers, problem-blamers, or problem-avoiders. They don’t simply rehash a problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don’t look for others to fault, as the blamers do. And they don’t put off dealing with issues, the way avoiders do.Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.
10. Treat others in a respectful supportive manner -Team players treat fellow team members with courtesy and consideration — not just some of the time but consistently. In addition, they show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done. They don’t place conditions on when they’ll provide assistance, when they’ll choose to listen, and when they’ll share information. Good team players also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both), but they don’t have fun at someone else’s expense. Quite simply, effective team players deal with their other teammates in a loving manner.

I would like to hear how you are doing as a team player? What changes do you need to implement so your couple-team will be more effective?

Have a great day everyone and remember to #iLoveStrong

Let’s Discuss..I Love You, but I want to Wait..Are you down with that?

 

As I was driving in to work this morning, I was listening to the BBC and they let me know that this afternoon’s Tell Me More Program was going to be about Abstinence. Of course my ears perked up, since I used to be an abstinence educator and thought maybe abstinence was gaining more momentum among single individuals. (Click on the link below to hear the story)

http://www.npr.org/2013/01/02/168463370/chastity-why-wait

It’s nice to hear that it’s a growing trend by the fact there was recent article featured in Ebony magazine and a reality show called Virgin Diaries. Today, I even received a comment from an individual that was has been married 17 years that wished she had waited. One of the things that was also interesting was that only women were bold enough to speak out on the topic.

Today’s Let’s Discuss topic really has to do with abstinence among men. You normally don’t hear men speak out against having sex before marriage. Every decade or so, you will hear about a pro athlete that abstains from sex i.e. Tim Tebow and A.C. Green. In a society where the hook-up with as many women as possible before you decide to settle down mentality is the norm, are we ready to accept a man who would prefer to be abstinent before marriage and just focus on you as a woman?

What would you do if your man told you he wanted to be abstinent until marriage? Could you LoveStrong and wait? If he was the one, what changes would you have to make to ensure you aren’t in a position to break his promise?

Coach Keith

Let’s Discuss? Would you rather choose the Chicken or the Egg?

In the 2012 Marriage Study. new study by psychological scientist Paige Harden of the University of Texas at Austin. The study found that the later a person first had sexual intercourse not only corresponded with a higher education level and household income, but also found they were less likely to be dissatisfied with their relationships in adulthood.

However,  the study also found that these latecomers were also less likely to be married and have fewer romantic relationships.

The report used data from the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health that followed 1659 sibling pairs who were followed from the age of 16 to young adulthood (roughly around 29). But the study had a particular method of categorizing ages and sexual experience: “Early” sexual intercourse was younger than the age of 15, so called “on-time” was 15 to 19 and “later” was over 19.

So let’s discuss, would you rather wait to have sex with your partner before you really feel he is the right one, or would you want to have sex early in the relationship as an indicator of your compatibility?