This weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a two-day Father/Son basketball camp with my oldest son. There were many dad’s that were there either trying to reclaim their youth or was just excited to spend some quality time with their son. For me it was a little bit of both.
While at breakfast, I struck up a conversation with Ronald, a fellow Jerseyan about his statistics. You know, where are you from, what do you do, etc…What was fascinating to me was not what he did for a living, but what he gave up. Ronald was an accomplished, self-taught IT entrepreneur that worked for Charles Schwab for 20 years until he was recently laid off. He decided to go out on his own and after a few months and was making the same money just working 3 days a week. When he wasn’t working he would spend his free time on his motorcycle, taking care of the kids, or doing what IT people do, play on the computer. He felt things were going well.
His wife on the other hand didn’t view his career choice the same way. She was a successful accountant that worked very hard 5 days a week. Even though her husband felt he was doing well, she felt that he wasn’t working hard enough, especially when she saw how much fun he was having. She felt that if he could earn the same amount of money working just 3 days a week, imagine if he worked every day. This was a source of conflict for them as couple. Ultimately he gave up his entrepreneurial dreams and went back to a 9 to 5.
In this post of He Said/She Said who do you feel was right?
Should the husband have stuck to his guns and maintained his business?
Or, the wife for wanting him to have more structure and work as many hours as she was.
I know, I usually follow-up right away with He Said the next day after, She Said, but it took me awhile to get it. Sorry about that! I hope you enjoy the other side of Weary family, Cedric, who is musically gifted, just as Daleesa is gifted as a hair designer. I first met him at Cicely Tyson School for the Performing Arts. Who knew he would end up direct some knowledge about marriage.
1. What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband?
She was tall, thin and had a very nice hairstyle. She was very beautiful but not ‘full of herself’, and seemed to be genuinely a nice person. She had goals and dreams that she was actively striving for. She laughed at my jokes!
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2. When was the moment that you can remember she was the one you wanted to marry?
It was actually pretty early in our relationship, but being young and VERY slow to act, I waited a long time to ask. I would say summer of our second year together was when there was no doubt.
3. In your 17 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?
How much crap real love can put up with and come out even stronger. There have been ‘Jerry Springer moments’ and ‘Oprah moments’, but through all of them we have survived and came out stronger.
4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?
1. Communication is a huge key. When you stop talking you are headed for trouble.
2. Knowing you are not the boss! It is a partnership, compromise is key.
3. Getting married for the right reasons. Not because of finances, solely on looks, total package.
5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?
Yes, a lot different. I would have not made so many bad choices and put stress on my wife because of my immaturity and wanting things my way early on.
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6. What are 3 things modern-day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage?
1. Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk! Communicate and don’t assume or take each other for granted.
2. Continue to do those little things you did to get your mate interested in you. Just because you are married does not mean no more dates, flowers, romantic get aways. It means you get to do them all the time with a person that will appreciate you for it and loves you.
3. Give and take….Give till it hurts and take less than you give. Your effort will be appreciated and will be returned 100 times over if you married the right person for the right reasons.
If you know any couple that is married 15 years and over and would like to be featured in He Said/She Said, please drop a line to Strive2succeed@comcast.net
After just winning a hair-styling competition, Daleesa Weary just wanted to enjoy a nice dinner and maybe some drinks with her fellow stylists in the business. They had other ideas. They wanted to hit the clubs to really celebrate. Reluctantly, she decided to go. Little did she know, a simple introduction from a drunken friend would lead to 17 years of a wonderful marriage to Cedric Weary. In this edition of She Said/He Said, Daleesa shares her story on how Continue reading She Said/He Said – You never know where a chance meeting will take you!
In this version of She Said vs. He Said there is a dilemma going on in 22% of the homes across the country according to a Pew Research Center study? When the wife makes clearly more money than her husband, who should stay home when their child is sick. This decision is a challenge to make without knowing all the information about my story, so let me set it up for you.
I had a client that wanted me to serve as mediator over a particular issue. She has a high pressure, profile job as an office manager for a financial institution. He has a Master’s Degree in Non-Profit Management and is instrumental in running a small non-profit organization.
Early in the morning, they find out their daughter is running a high fever and there is no chance that she will be able to go to daycare. They discuss who will stay home with her for the day. Knowing that his job is more flexible, usually can stay home, but on this day he has to prepare for an upcoming event that is the next day and since he has been out of the office must go in. She has a very important meeting that involves some important changes that will affect the office, and with her affinity for keeping her boss on an even keel and bringing peace to these types of situations feels that she should go in.
Who should Stay Home? The wife who makes more money, or the bleeding heart husband who is lucky he has a wife that excels financially so he can do good?
I would love to hear who should stay home and your reason?
Welcome to a new segment I call She Said/He Said. It’s an attempt to empower newly married couples by reading stories of couples that have persevered to remain married 20+ years. According to Divorce Magazine, first marriages on average last 7.9 years. If you have the opportunity to stay married to the same woman/man for over 20 years it should be celebrated. And if you want to reach this milestone, why not receive information from some of the masters.
In the second edition of She Said Vs. He Said I had the pleasure of interviewing Bryce York and Tonya York currently of Columbus Ohio. I met them at my church, several years ago. The are very warm people so I am not surprise why they came together, but let’s hear what HE SAID.
What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband.
As a photographer, she caught my eye right away. I couldn’t help, but notice her beauty inside and out. She was flat out beautiful, and easy to talk to. I am amazed even to this day how I get caught up by her quirky, sweet, personality. It’s very infectious.
2. When was the moment that you can remember. He was the one you wanted to marry?
With me being 6 years older than she was, I pretty much knew right away that she was the one for me. She was a little thrown off by my easy going attitude, so it took her a little more time to be convinced. I am so glad that she did.
3. In your 20+ years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?
It’s like working out, you when you are in the gym putting the work in, you feel great and you see the results of the work. The minute you drop off and get complacent, the results show as well. You don’t have the same energy and excitement. So in marriage you have to constantly work the communication, intimacy muscles to see the results. I also realized that I have to be the builder and protector of the relationship.
4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?
Prayer, Communication, and the ability to fall in love with each other over and over again by keeping the marriage fresh and exploring new things.
5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?
I would have taken more control of the finances. Sometimes my laid back demeanor can be misinterpreted as not having an opinion. But as a man with a thinker’s temperament, I kept my thoughts internal. I definitely would have been more open with my communication style.
6. What are 3 things modern day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage.
Learn to understand the needs of your spouse
As a husband, serve your wife in such a way that it creates a long lasting bond.
Make sure that time is set aside with one another to continue to strengthen the relationship.
Welcome to a new segment I call She Said/He Said. It’s an attempt to empower newly married couples by reading stories of couples that have persevered to remain married 20+ years. According to Divorce Magazine, first marriages on average last 7.9 years. If you have the opportunity to stay married to the same woman/man for over 20 years it should be celebrated. And if you want to reach this milestone, why not receive information from some of the masters.
In the second edition of She Said Vs. He Said I had the pleasure of interviewing Bryce York and Tonya York currently of Columbus Ohio. I met them at my church, several years ago. The are very warm people so I am not surprise why they came together, but let’s hear what SHE SAID.
What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband.
The initial thing that attracted me to Bryce was his personality. He’s very down to earth, easy going kind of guy, and great person to be with. I’ve never seen someone give as much as Bryce does. I’m very safe and secure with him.
2. When was the moment that you can remember. He was the one you wanted to marry?
Bryce knew he wanted to marry me was within a couple of months. However, it took me a little longer. Keeping in mind that Bryce is initially 6 years older than I am, so I wanted to be absolutely sure he was the one for me. It only took an extra 4 to 6 months.
3. In your 20+ years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?
Bryce loves me like it’s our first date. His love is very unconditional, very constant.
4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?
Prayer, Communication, and the ability to fall in love with each other over and over again.
5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?
I would not take the little things for granted, our journey has taken us to several destinations and I wish I would’ve have concentrated on the important things that keep us together. Since I am a high energy person, I am constantly moving forward. I would take the time to sit still.
6. What are 3 things modern day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage.
Pray
Trust each other
Make sure that time is set aside with one another to continue to strengthen the relationship.
My parents today..After 44 years they are still smiling.
1. What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband?
She was very attractive and was someone who I hadn’t met before. I considered this a challenge.
2. When was the moment that you can remember she was the one you wanted to marry?
We met in October and were engaged Christmas Eve the same year. It was sometime in November after we met that I told my roommate and friends, I was going to propose.
3. In your 44 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?
That it takes hard work and you have to change your thinking and attitude about many things. It takes more give and take than I thought. Initially I thought man was head of household but I learned that it takes two to have a strong household and responsibilities. Over the course of the years our relationship and love evolved and continues to grow.
4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?
My commitment to my wife and God when we were married.
Our love, friendship, values, and compatibility.
Keith (the bloggist), Alison and the grandchildren that followed.
5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?
Yes, I would have waited a year before I got married so we could have had a better chance to grow and know each other. I thought I was ready but I wasn’t completely. There’s more to marriage then being a provider.
I would have saved a little more money. When we decided to get married, I had $10 in the bank. My mother told me to wait, but I was in love and didn’t listen. SO, when we started we had no money, no decent wedding, or honeymoon. I should have waited until we had at least $100 in the bank.
The upside though was we learn to deal with financial crisis early in our marriage. So, there’s a purpose and blessing that GOD makes you go through.
6. What are 3 things modern day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage?
Worship together a couple that worships and prays together stays together.
Get the money thing straight.
Set yearly goals.
Communicate, communicate, and communicate.
Do things together on a monthly basis if possible.
Don’t be afraid to show and demonstrate your love.
Update: Since my parents just had their 45th Wedding Anniversary, I decided to re-run my version of She Said/He Said. Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad.
Welcome to a new segment I call She Said/He Said. It’s an attempt to empower newly married couples by reading stories of couples that have persevered to remain married 20+ years. According to Divorce Magazine, first marriages on average last 7.9 years. If you have the opportunity to stay married to the same woman/man for over 20 years it should be celebrated. And if you want to reach this milestone, why not receive information from some of the masters.
So I am going to start with a couple that gave me my first ideas of marriage, my parents.
My parents in the early years.
Their relationship was one of the reasons I wanted to get married. I always admired the fact they enjoyed each other’s company and never had a shouting match around us. My mom was skilled at getting her point across and still kept a smile on her face.
I asked them a series of questions about marriage. Because it’s She Said/He Said, my mom goes first.
1. What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband?
I am a quiet and not really shy but a more introverted person, my husband is the opposite of that, it is his outgoing personality and the way he is able to connect with people and make people laugh that attracted me.
2. When was the moment that you can remember that she/he was the one you wanted to marry?
I don’t really remember having a moment. I had only known my husband 2 months before that Christmas Eve that he asked me to marry him. We had a connection and he showered me with attention. He wined and dined me, But it was a shock when he asked me to marry him. I paused a bit because I knew that Marriage was a serious thing and did he really know what he was asking. But after about a 30 minuets discussion I said yes.
3. In your 45 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?
The love comes and goes; it takes on a different form. So that cloud nine feeling comes down to earth after a while so you try not to dwell on all of the things you don’t necessary like about your husband, recognizing that he has to do the same about me. No one is perfect. However in the blink of an eye you are back on cloud nine with that feeling of a new bride.
4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?
Trust, forgive and forget, and try to be understanding.
Compromise No one is always right. Working through our problems.
Trust in the Lord, I do strongly believe that my husband was handpicked for me by God. He placed him in front of me, and I had a choice.
5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?
I don’t know that I would have approached it any differently. We tried to work together and work through all of the baggage that each person brings to a marriage from their own family upbringing. We had an unplanned roadblock that pushed us to move quicker, but we still kept it together and did what we had to do. All in All Life has been good.
6. What tips can you give modern day couples in order to achieve longevity in their marriage?
I would tell them to understand that it is a person they are marrying, no one is perfect and beauty fades. So you have to recognize that it is the love you have for that person that can keep it together and if you truly love them you can accept those little things that get under your skin. Marriage is work and you have to work at it.
Be willing to compromise, listen, try to be understanding, and get the money issues straight.
There is only one head of the house but there are 2 people creating a home so you must work together to make it work, recognizing that you won’t always agree but you can work through it.
When you marry someone you are gaining another family and that family should become just as important to you as they are to your spouse. Not all family members are liked, even in your own family, so you must learn to tolerate your spouse’s family as well. This can cut down on a lot of friction that I have seen in marriages.
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