As a relationship coach and a follower of all things relationships, I come across all sorts of surveys: 10 tips to do this, 10 tips to do that. This morning I ran across this survey, 10 Things Happy Couples Do in Real Age, and I felt this is the type of environment I try to provide couples in my coaching practice. I would love to share these questions with you to see if you are truly an iLoveStrong Couple, and if you aren’t what could be done about it.
1. Do you feel the love in your marriage should be intense all the time or will grow over time?
Couples who start out thinking the fiery intensity of new romance will last forever lose 50% of their passion for each other after just 18 months, according to Harvard psychologist Robert Epstein, PhD. The couples who grow happier over time are the ones who understand that love evolves, becoming calmer, deeper, richer, and more powerful.
2. During arguments, do you play nice or do you find a way to jab your spouse any chance you get?
The happiest couples do something other couples often don’t: They’re kind to each another. Happy partners simply don’t get mean or nasty with each other, even during arguments. “Happy couples treat each other like best friends,” says David Penner, PhD, assistant clinical director of the Gottman Relationship Institute. “They’re nice to each other across the board. That’s what builds loving feelings.”
3.During bedtime, is it all about sex, or talk?
Talking, not just fooling around is tops on the list of the most important things happy couples do in bed. Spending a few minutes chatting every night before sleep lets you catch up, make plans, and discuss problems in a quiet, tender setting, explains University of Minnesota family social science professor Paul Rosenblatt, PhD, author of Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing.
4. When you go out on a date, is it always by yourselves?
Dinners for two are great, but dinners for four can be just as empowering for a relationship. Bonding with other couples actually strengthens your own relationship, according to a 2010 study at Wayne State University. Having open, intimate conversations with other twosomes reinforces your own sense of togetherness. Being close to them makes you feel closer to each other.
5. If two of you are different, are you ashamed of it, or do you embrace it?
Happy couples bring their differences out into the open rather than denying or dismissing them. “Put issues on the table, and look for ways you can work around them,” he says. “The process of examination and renewal makes the threats diminish.”
6. When you spend time talking is it always about the weather?
Couples who have deep conversations are far likelier to be happy than couples who always keep it light, according to a 2010 study in the journal Psychological Science
. Researchers report that the happiest couples have twice as many substantive discussions
— and far fewer superficial ones — as the unhappiest couples.
7. Do you believe in teamwork makes the dream work?
If you’re both pretty lazy when it comes to working out your problems, you can be just as happy as partners who put in a lot of effort. What matters is that you both feel you devote the same amount of care and effort — a lot or a little — to keeping your relationship strong, according to a 2011 study in Psychological Science. Happiness doesn’t necessarily depend on how intense your level of commitment is, but on how mutual it is.
8. Do you believe your conflicts should be confrontational or avoided?
It’s impossible to avoid arguments entirely. In fact, they happen frequently. But the happiest couples keep conflicts from becoming confrontations
. They soften their approach when bringing up tough issues. And neither feels as if one of them always gets his or her way. Each occasionally yields to the other.
9. Do you have more negative statements for your spouse, than positive ones?
Happy couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other as negative ones, even when they are arguing, says Dr. Penner. It’s not expected to always be nice, but it pays off by solidifying the bond between you.
10. Do you think about bailing on the marriage whenever obstacle occur?
Up to 80% of those who are most committed to marriage contemplate divorce at some point, says Dr. Epstein. But slogging through bad times can make both of you happier than ever. “If you can do that and get to the other side, it makes the relationship stronger,” he adds. “It strengthens love.”
If you answered yes, to more than half of these questions, but you want to change consider Strive 2 Succeed Coaching Services. I can help you acknowledge the things that are holding you back to having the happy marriage that you want and deserve. If you would to provide feedback or would like to talk about my services contact me here: