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In the Trenches – How do I help them forget about the Ex.?

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In 2012, after 14 years of marriage, the Indianapolis Colts felt it was time to move on. Sent packing by his only NFL team, one he transformed from afterthought to Super Bowl champion, Peyton Manning said goodbye to the Indianapolis Colts with a shaky voice and tear-filled eyes, then got ready to find a new place to play quarterback.

“Nobody loves their job more than I do. Nobody loves playing quarterback more than I do. I still want to play. But there is no other team I wanted to play for,” said Manning, who turns 36 this month.

This Sunday, Peyton Manning will return to the place where he called home amidst a lot of fanfare. Some of the Indianapolis Colt fans are really looking forward to his return, but not in a way that you would think. Angie Six, devoted Colts fan, and blogger puts it this way.

In college I fell in love with a sports fan, and his enthusiasm was contagious.  Shortly, after I we got married, we moved to Tennessee. It was 1997, we were in the middle of SEC country, and a kid named Peyton Manning was king. There was something about the guy I couldn’t resist. His dorkiness, his antics at the line of scrimmage, his work ethic, those commercials. I watched football just to watch him, and suddenly found myself caring about the rules, the players, and other teams. But it was mostly about Peyton.

Come Sunday, my loyalty is with the Colts. Peyton is the big brother who left for college when you were a kid. Now he’s back. You missed him like crazy, but you can’t wait to show him how big and strong you got while he was gone. You want to wrestle him, pin him to the ground, and then hug it out.

With all the attention focused on Peyton Manning, Andrew Luck, the Colt’s current quarterback has rarely been mentioned in the conversation. But,

Luck is dealing with something Manning never had to contend with: following an icon. He could go on to have a very good NFL career and still fall short of the standard set by his predecessor.

According to Brandi Mitchell, author of the The Blended Family Survival Guide, blended families have become the new norm.

More and more people are having children before marriage, and the reality is that most people who do have children before marriage, end up marrying someone other than the parent of their child. Add to that the rising rate of divorce and remarriages and about 1300 new blended families are created in the U.S. everyday.

In fact statistics show that:

• 50 percent of all Americans are involved in some type of blended or stepfamily relationship, which is about 75 million Americans.

• 30 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parents current partner.

• And, 1 in 3 people are a stepchild, stepsibling, or stepparent.

Many people are also getting married later in life, which means the chances are extremely high that when they do marry someone or get in a serious relationship, that person (or sometimes both people) will usually have a child, sometimes  MORE THAN one child with them.

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So, if you are a new spouse replacing an ex. that was so revered, how do you start to carve your place into the family. In our In the Trenches segment, here are some tips:

Establish your own Love Bank style.

According to Dr. Harley, author of His Need/Her Need there is a place within each of us is a Love Bank that keeps track of the way each person treats us. Everyone we know has an account and the things they do either deposit or withdraw love units from their accounts. It’s your emotions’ way of encouraging you to be with those who make you happy. When you associate someone with good feelings, deposits are made into that person’s account in your Love Bank. And when the Love Bank reaches a certain level of deposits (the romantic love threshold), the feeling of love is triggered. As long as your Love Bank balance remains above that threshold, you will experience the feeling of love.

Acknowledge the challenge.

You knew that your spouse was bringing a child from a previous relationship into the marriage, so that part of your situation can’t be a shock, just like Andrew did, when he was given the reigns as the Colts starting quarterback. If you’re shocked about having to come up with a plan to resolve difficulties, get over it! Nobody said this would be an easy hill to climb. You need to sit down with your spouse to discuss money, discipline, childcare and any other issues that you haven’t mutually agreed upon yet.

Create a personal relationship.

Make a commitment to developing a relationship with your stepchild that has nothing to do with your spouse. Set aside some special time in which you and the child can interact alone. You also need to stop thinking of your stepchild as “his/her kid” and regard the child as an individual. Make no doubt about it, you are a pivotal person in that child’s life.

Andrew Luck

Being interviewed before his Sunday Night match-up Luck had this to say, “I figured if you can take of your business, if you can hopefully win some football games then it becomes easier on that end.”

And the same goes for you as the new partner in a blended family. If you can take care of business, and enjoy some wins with the family, it will become easier over the years.

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Posted by on October 20, 2013 in In the Trenches, Uncategorized

 

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Fun Friday – The reason to take the 5 for $5 Admiration Challenge

On this Fun Friday, here is the major reason why husbands will have to take the 5 for $5 Admiration Challenge this Mother’s Day. You can’t compete with Lil Joey!

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To all my iLoveStrong Mother’s, have a great Mother’s Day!

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on May 10, 2013 in Fun Friday

 

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5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 5 (Endurance)

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In the final segment of the 5 lessons about your marriage kids learn by example deals with the subject of endurance. Endurance is one of the most important skills you will need in marriage, but is seldom discussed when you say “I Do”.

In today’s world, it is acceptable to move on when things aren’t working, but what are we teaching our kids? When we tell our kids, “Hang in there, don’t give up,” they look at us confused based on our actions never finishing what we start.

If you want to leave a legacy of endurance in your marriage, here are 3 ways you can teach endurance to your children.

Have endurance when it comes to Education.

If you have returned to school, or are striving for a Master’s degree. Show your kids endurance. One of the things, I most admired about my wife was that she finished her degree, while working a full-time job plus being pregnant. It’s very easy to give up especially when you have a full-time job and a family to just stop. By hanging in there to finish what you have started will show your kids that when obstacles stand in their way, they can overcome them if they keep working hard.

Have endurance when it comes to mundane tasks.

Not everything in our lives are thrilling and exciting. Most of our daily lives consist of little mundane tasks that must be done in order to get to the exciting things. Jobs like, cutting the grass, taking out the trash, or fix-it projects around the house might not leave you with the sense of accomplishment.

Remember, it’s better to show your kids that you can finishing the job instead of starting something new.

Have endurance when others criticize you.

If you are in a leadership position, you are going to receive criticism. If you can overcome criticism and still make the right decisions and maintain your integrity, it will have immeasurable effects.

When they have to make tough decisions, hopefully they will have the skills and the strength to choose wisely based on the examples you have shown them in your life rather than succumb to peer pressure.

In the end, if we can provide examples of Love, Respect, Integrity, Giving, and Endurance when it’s time for them to establish their own family you will leave a lasting legacy.

 

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5 Lessons of about your Marriage kids learn by your example: Part 1(Love)

Believe it or not, our kids are learning about marriage through our example, and not what we say about marriage. With that said, this new 5-part series will focus on how we can teach kids the keys to a strong marriage by the examples we show them in our own marriage.

The first way of course is by how we LOVE. Saying, “I Love you.” isn’t enough especially since our children go through several stages of development.

When a child is an infant, you need to show love immediately and it needs to come from both parents. Since they haven’t begun to talk yet, it’s important that they get to know your both your voices, you both hold them and you both take the time to interact with them.

family#1aAround age 2, you will need to discipline them as a part of love. If you train the child early and often, hopefully they will continue to live the lessons you have taught them when you are apart.

At around age 10, you children learn the importance of your love when you spend time with them. If there are certain activities/interests you see that your children are passionate about, do as much as possible to acknowledge their passion and promote opportunities to follow it.

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When your kids reach the pre-teen level their mode of thinking tends to be black/white? the love you show for your spouse will really be important because that will be the time when kids are trying to form positive relationships themselves. Showing your spouse outward displays of Love in a respectful way will help them to model how they should be treated as they enter their relationships.family#3

So the #iLoveStrong question for the day is, what outwardly ways do you show your children that you Love them and your spouse?

Coach Keith

 

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10 Tips to a successful Paternity Leave!

Last week I was listening to NPR’s Tell Me More  and the discussion was around Marissa Mayer’s comments about maternity leave. The commentary around her position wasn’t the most interesting, but the comments spoken by Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of the book “Mommy Wars”.

Her comments were as follows:

You know what? I tell you, my husband took three days of paternity leave with my first child, and it broke my heart. It would’ve changed everything for me if he had taken the full month or six weeks that his company allowed. I think it’s a really big issue and I don’t – I think that the physicality of pregnancy is really – is a huge part of maternity leave. But I also think that we wouldn’t have this big problem and this big focus on maternity leave being only an issue for moms if men paid more attention to it and understood how incredibly important it is.

I was wondering if by chance other wives’ feel the same way. According to a CNN website on Parenting. 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent).  There anger stems from the fact that men don’t  seem to pay attention to or understand their children’s basic needs.

As husbands, if you are considering taking the scheduled paternity leave and support your family, here are some very important tips that can help you win.

  1. If you take your child to a scheduled activity, the ladies of other children won’t necessarily let you into their circle right away. Make sure bring the hottest literature..i.e. 50 Shades of Grey to add value to the group.
  2. Those same ladies also won’t be talking football, basketball, baseball or hockey so you must be up to date on the current reality shows, cutest fashions, or what’s happening in town.
  3. Under no circumstances should your child be in a heavy diaper when your wife gets home. She will suspect the child has been neglected all day.
  4. You will have to master at least two other skills simultaneously while taking care of junior. It will increase your security within the family unit, plus there may be some extra bennies later in the evening.
  5. It will allow you to ask for a night to hang out with the fellas. I suggest you pick Friday night. Why, it’s the end of the week. She will want to spend time with the kids and you will be free.
  6. Take your child to the park often. It’s a big ego booster, when mom’s see a man taking care of his kids.
  7. You don’t have to worry about going to the gym. Lifting the car seat and hold the baby will do the trick.
  8. Whatever you do don’t make any playdates with the hot mom’s you meet during your travels. You will surely fall into tip #3 which will lead to questions. If you are a risk taker, make sure you set a time at least two hours before your wife comes home.
  9. If you master tips 1-8, it will be a definite boost to your sex life, but you will have to remember tip #4 and take naps when the children nap. Otherwise you will be the one that’s tired.
  10. Have fun. As the children get older, the bond you have with them will be greater than you ever imagine.

 

Strivers! What do you think about the tips? What other tips are essential to a successful paternity leave?

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Who should Stay Home? The High Income Wife or the Do-Gooder Husband?

In this version of She Said vs. He Said there is a dilemma going on in 22% of the homes across the country according to a Pew Research Center study? When the wife makes clearly more money than her husband, who should stay home when their child is sick.  This decision is a challenge to make without knowing all the information about my story, so let me set it up for you.

I had a client that wanted me to serve as mediator over a particular issue. She has a high pressure, profile job as an office manager for a financial institution. He has a Master’s Degree in Non-Profit Management and is instrumental in running a small non-profit organization.

Early in the morning, they find out their daughter is running a high fever and there is no chance that she will be able to go to daycare. They discuss who will stay home with her for the day. Knowing that his job is more flexible, usually can stay home, but on this day he has to prepare for an upcoming event that is the next day and since he has been out of the office must go in. She has a very important meeting that involves some important changes that will affect the office, and with her affinity for keeping her boss on an even keel and bringing peace to these types of situations feels that she should go in.

Who should Stay Home? The wife who makes more money, or the bleeding heart husband who is lucky he has a wife that excels financially so he can do good?

I would love to hear who should stay home and your reason?

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2012 in She Said/He Said

 

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Relationship Gratitude (Day 30) Your marriage can leave a legacy!

Over the past 30 days of being thankful for your relationship, your partner isn’t the only one that should have benefitted. If you have kids, they should have also been a recipient of your graciousness. As your final project write to your kids about how you met your husband/wife and tell them how much you have enjoyed your relationship with them.

I remember wanting to have the type of relationship that my parents had; not because I knew they loved each other, but I also I saw how much they enjoyed each others company. Knowing their story helped me understand the type of relationship I was striving to find.

I am thankful to say that I found it and I plan to leave a legacy for my kids.

What type of relationship legacy do you want to leave for your kid?

Strive 2 leave a positive relationship legacy for your kids.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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