5 Ways To Remind Your Partner We Are Team.

Photo by Kameron Kincade on Unsplash

For some couples, the wedding has just ended and you are settling into your marriage routine. For others, you have been married for several years, you are all consumed by your kid’s activities and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on your relationship. But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team?

According to a 2014 study that was highlighted in this New York Times article, most of us don’t when it comes to having a decisive marriage. We just simply slide through our marriages and the major decisions we have to make in order to feel like we feel like a team. What’s interesting about this study is that most of us have probably been on a team one way or another; from our sports teams as children to our present work teams. We have always relied on other people to get the job done and to win.

So why doesn’t it translate when we get married? The main reason is our approach. We don’t utilize the team concept when it comes to our relationships. We usually come together because the people we are marrying usually best meet our individual needs, not necessarily the best team. So when we have conflict with our partner or when that partner does something that is far too damaging, we find it’s just easier to change partners.

Even I, who have played on teams almost all of my life, found it difficult to handle arguments with my wife. The main reason was that I focused more on my needs than our needs. One of our more famous stories that my wife usually tells at parties had to deal with one of our adventures to the grocery store to buy formula for our infant daughter, Olivia, 22 years ago. Yes, it’s still fresh. We would normally buy Enfamil with Iron, but on this day, I didn’t have enough money in my wallet to buy it, so stupidly, I just bought the regular Enfamil. Well, most of you know what happened next. My wife was furious that I would put my need to keep a few extra dollars in the bank before the families’ needs of making sure our daughter was healthy and go the best. So the next day, she bought the one most expensive high chairs in the store. What did I say about this? Nothing, because I knew I wasn’t living the team first concept.

Does the lack of a team approach reflect your marriage? If so, check out the 5 phrases to remind your spouse you are indeed a team.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win at The Game of Love. If you struggling with your spouse to communicate and work as a team and you need help click here for a free assessment.

15 Ways to Say To Your Woman, I Love and Appreciate You!

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Hey, men! Have you ever adamantly said something to your girlfriend or wife along the lines of, “You know I love you and appreciate you!”, only for her to wait for a beat and reply, “Thank you! But … why?”

Suddenly, you’re standing there tongue-tied, because like most men, you get uncomfortable when you feel vulnerable, and trying to articulate your deepest, innermost feelings can be rough.

It’s understandable for you to feel that way, but she’s still going to want to hear you say something romantic that tells her how much she means to you. — and one great idea too many people giving advice about dating, relationships and marriage forget is that there are so many creative ways to say “I love you” without necessarily having to come up with words of your own!

Here are 15 sweet things to say to your girlfriend or wife woman that say “I love you” and let her know you appreciate her, from the lyrics of some of the best romantic songs.

Couples Conversation – Forgiveness and Accountability. Is it Possible?

Problems can arise in your marriage when a romantic partner makes a mistake, or treats you bad hurts you badly. In your marriage, can you forgive them while holding them accountable? Ultimately, the goal is to reestablish the relationship and prevent them from hurting you again. But, will forgiveness motivate them to “see the error of their ways”? Or, is holding them accountable the key to making sure the situation does not happen again?

 

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re having difficulty forgiving and or holding your partner accountable, check out http://www.keithdent.com. If you need help NOW, drop Keith a message at info@keithdent.com.

 

 

 

Couples Conversation – Key to Holding a Relationship Together?

 

In a recent blog, Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said this, “In over 30 years as a psychologist, I have never had an adult look back at their childhood and complain that their parents were too understanding. And similarly, I have met many divorced people who still love each other but never really understood each other. My point is that many relationships have broken up and marriages have been torn apart not because the partners didn’t love each other but because they didn’t understand one another.”

So what do you do to better understand your partner?

Do you need help in this area?

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re in desperate need to understand your partner better to strengthen you bond contact him at info@keithdent.com.

4 Ways She Can Mentally Know She Needs You.

The coronavirus not only has been wreaking havoc with our health and our economy, but it has really done a number on our relationships. The social distancing that was put in place for the entire country has done two things. It has either isolated you from your partner thus creating further distance and anxiety, or the attachment has caused constant stress and has forced you to re-evaluate what you need from your partner.

Gentleman, if your relationship has taken a hit and you’re not clear what you need to do to get back on track, here are four things you need to do to back on track and help you understand what she needs.

Open Communication is the first step!

Open communication needs to occur regularly and frequently if you want to get back on track. During this crisis if you haven’t been communicating openly then it may mean to her that the relationship is coming to an end. If you want to start to regain a healthy relationship this is the first order of business.

Open communication will help you strengthen the respect you have for one another. It will also help you be more transparent with your partner.

Open communication will also help you avoid miscommunication because fewer things will go unsaid helping her to become more secure.

Honesty is still the best policy!

During this time being honest with your partner gives you a great deal of comfort. When she trusts you implicitly she can become your best self and vice versa. This will bring back the positive energy that will make your relationship thrive while reducing those future ups and downs.

Swearing I Swear GIF by The Internet - Find & Share on GIPHY

Start taking responsibility for your part in the relationship! 

Doing this can be a major game-changer for your relationship especially if you were not comfortable doing this in the past. By taking ownership of your actions you are showing you can be vulnerable which in turn can help her do the same. The best way to start taking ownerships is done in 3 Steps:

  • Being Self-Aware
  • Apologizing
  • Understanding what you do affects her

One other thing is that you also have to stop taking the blame for things you didn’t do. It’s counterproductive to the two topics we discussed earlier, open communication and honesty.

Rebuild Trust!

If you are able to the first three things, her trust in you will begin to increase. Some important things that you will need to keep in mind are to make sure you actively listen to her when it comes to open communication because that is the main component.

If you have to apologize for your actions make sure to act on those words.

And finally, be patient don’t beat yourself up if things don’t get better overnight. If you continue to work on your relationship, once the coronavirus has subsided, you will be in a much stronger place.

By taking these four action steps now really repair the damage the coronavirus has done to your relationship. She will truly understand that not only do you physically fill her needs but mentally as well.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win the Game of Love .  If you need help regaining the respect you have for your spouse, contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 

 

 

7 Reasons Why Paris Is A Great Winter Destination for Romance.

When it comes to romance in the winter, you don’t automatically think of Paris, known for its ambiance, rich culture and of course the food. You think about snow, fireplaces and ski resorts that keep you more inside than out.

A visit to Paris in the winter will change that mindset. I recently took a trip there. I was so exhilarated by all the sights and wonderful energy. I wished my wife would’ve come along with me to enjoy it. Not fighting all of the crowds was definitely a bonus. Here are seven reasons why Paris is a great winter destination for romance.

Visiting Paris by Metro

With over 302 stations covering 133 miles, it’s clearly one of the best ways to see the city. You can literally get off the plane and be in the beloved city in less than an hour. You can really discover the hidden gems of Paris traveling this way.

img_8469

 

The Wall of Love

Getting off at one of those stops landed us at Abbesses Metro, sight of Le mur des je t’aime, or the Wall Of Love. The 430 sq. ft tiled wall features “I love you” 311 times in 350 languages. It actually took my daughter and I ten minutes to find the words in English.

img_8531 (1)

The Love Locks are still alive.

A great romantic gesture in Paris was to place a love lock on the Pont des Arts bridge, but in 2015 the practice was banned, due to the sheer weight affecting the structure. It was awesome to see there was still a place to leave a  Love Lock and just so happen to be located near the Basilica Montmartre.

img_8525

The Louvre is a must visit.

It’s perfect for a day-long date. You can actually spend 3 or 4 days and still not see everything. Make sure you check out the Venus de Milo statue, or if you are short on time try to find all 17 artifacts that are featured in Beyonce and Jay-Z’s video “ApeShit.”

img_8541

Visit Paris by Scooter 

If you get tired of the Metro there is nothing more dangerously romantic than riding through the Paris streets on a motorized scooter. If you rent one and travel together, you can get from the Louvre to the Eiffel tower in about 20 minutes. From an intimacy standpoint, that’s huge.

dsc_1287

The Top of the Eiffel Tower

Not only was it cool being able to go to the highest structure in Paris., but they make sure you culminate your visit with a glass of champagne and kiss once you get there.

img_8511

The food of course

The food of course was just fantastic especially the croissants from Le Pain Retrouve, a bakery in Montmartre.

The French are so passionate about their food and wine. What was awesome was drinking Vin Chaud (hot-wine) out in the open on a cold winter’s night. There was just something magical about drinking it on the open.

img_8457

There are many romantic places you can visit and I haven’t been to all of them yet, but if I get another opportunity to take a trip with my spouse during the winter I’ll choose Paris each and every time and these 7 reasons will make it that special.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re unsure if you can really put how you feel into words and you need some help, visit his website or follow him on Twitter for more love and relationship advice.

14 Quotes That Highlight The Traits Needed For Today’s Dad.

In a recent article, Do Father’s Really Make A Difference, it’s clear that when a father and mother live together, the kids perform better in school, and have lower rates of delinquency and substance.

But, it’s not about just being present. The role model a father can play can help a child feel connected and learn lessons that will strengthen them.
So what are some of those personality traits that will do just that? Here are 14 of the best quotes that will describe the traits you need to make a difference in your child’s life.

1.Patience

Your kids will test you as they grow and mature. Having patience is essential.

images (1)

You will even need Patience with yourself. Don’t waver when things get hard. Stay the course.

images (2)

2. Values

When you have values that are rooted in something higher than yourself it guides your decision making.

images (3)

Having strong values not only helps you share yourself, but also helps you pass down your legacy to your children.

images (4)

3. Open-Minded

Being open-minded means you understand you’re raising children than yourself. Be able to teach as well as learn.

images (6)

Being open-minded enough to express their own thoughts and pursue their own dreams and goals will help your children thrive.

images (5)

4. Loving

Consistently showing love to your family is vital. Your kids will do better in school, be more empathetic and avoid risky behaviors.

images (7) (1)

The more love you show, the more love you will get back. Love is about being vulnerable.

images (8)

5. Loyalty

Being loyal means you will be there no matter what, especially during the hard times.

images (13)

When your family gets attacked by life, a loyal father must hang in there. It’s what makes the family stronger.

loyalty-quotes-1

6.Honesty

Relationships are built on trust and being honest. It’s not about being perfect, but you must do what you say you are going to do.

I-Dont-Want-Perfect-I-Want-Honest1

When you are honest with your children, they will feel safe and share their life with you. It’s what intimate relationships are built on.

images (12)

7. Lead by Example

As the co-leader of the family what he does and the choices he makes will have a ripple effect throughout the entire family. Leading by example is about planting seeds.

download (1)

Fatherhood is about being a role model. It will not only make your family happier and more stable, but it will also make the community and the world a better place to live.

leading-by-example-quotes-with-regard-to-lead-by-example-poster-600x600

 

If you’re a father, figure out which of these traits you are missing and work on them. Practice them until you can display them consistently and meaningfully with your family. You will be happy that you did and your kids will be happy too.

If you are stuck with figuring out how to incorporate some of these traits into your life and you need help contact me info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Falling in Love With a Narcissist

pexels-photo-1000225.jpeg

 

Every one has to fall in love with a narcissist one time in their life. It’s the best way to experience the total emotional spectrum in a relationship. It will provide everything from the opportunity to be charmed beyond your wildest dreams to eventually getting to the point where you can no longer stand this person.

So what are the steps to finding the narcissist of your dreams?

Step #1 – Make sure you are always dressed like a million bucks

A narcissist believes life is always about him. His appearance will be impeccable when your eyes meet. He will also be very quick to flatter your beauty and intellect because he is envisions the two of you together. So make sure the hair, clothes, nails, etc. are on point.

Step #2 – Be empathetic

Since a narcissist has no real empathy for anything or anyone he will be drawn to the mere fact that you can show that type of emotion towards them.

Step #3 – Let  his shame tug at your heartstrings

Most of the time when you are with him everything will be perfect. But be on guard. There will be a few times when he lets his hair down and talks about his shame. Be prepared to have it tug at your heart. Let me caution you, don’t try to help him acknowledge his shame, though. It may result in a fit of emotional rage.

Step #4 – You must have a fond appreciation for actors

Your narcissist man will be able to emulate anything you want them to be. If it’s a family man, he will dote on his kids and spoil them in all the ways that make him look good. Don’t worry about disciplining them, that will be your job.

Step #5 – Be prepared to move on

No matter how rocky the relationship will be and just when you think your relationship is about to turnaround, he will be out. According to an article in Psychology Today The narcissist loved being in a relationship—but only on his terms.

In the end you will gain clarity on the fact that your narcissist lover has severe emotional issues that you will eventually walk away from so the emotionally healthy one can find you.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching. He is the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love and appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. He also cohosts a FB LiveStream show called CouplesConversation.

6 Step Plan To Get Your Husband Off the Bench and Into The Game.

Ladies! Has your frustration returned now that Valentine’s Day is over and your husband is back to chillin’ on the couch watching countless hours of sports.

Do you ever wonder what is it about sports that men love so much? If you are still befuddled by this question the next time you get in your car and go to the store, turn on your local sports radio station. You will hear grown men so excited and passionate about getting their point across about a sports moment that happened days before sometimes even years. These men will wait up to 30 minutes to make sure they do so.

Men love sports because it’s fun, spontaneous, thrilling and exciting. Isn’t that how you want your marriages to be? Often times it’s the opposite, boring, and predictable.

So what do you have to do to win at the Game of Love? Here is a 6-step game plan to get your marriage back on track.

  1. Have a powerful slogan

Every season, teams that excel have powerful slogans to remind them of the goal of winning. In 2017, the Cleveland Cavaliers slogan for the playoffs was “Defend the Land”. So as a family you should come up with a slogan that defines who you are as a family and reminds each other why you are commitment.

cleveland

  1. Constantly reminding him his importance on the team.

On any given team, there players that don’t get a lot of credit, but are the essential to winning and losing. Your husband may be that guy. He may not be overly flashy, or the life of the party. He just gets the job done. You should remind him that his role is valuable and vital to your success as a couple.

giphy (9)

  1. To stay at the top takes work.

Your wedding with all the pomp and circumstance is like the ultimate championship game. Staying on top takes work, so you must challenge him not to get complacent. Treat your time together like practice where you learn new things about each other and make it routine.

giphy (11)

  1. Know when to call a time-out?

In any given game, you can feel the momentum shift to the other side. The coach will call a time-out in order for the team to rest, re-group and reassess the game plan.  You should do that in your marriage, especially if you feel the momentum shifting and it’s inevitable that they will. If you see your husband starts to become disengaged, no energy or just plain angry, or you aren’t happy. Don’t be afraid to call a time-out. If you let things go, you may lose.

giphy (12)

  1. Treat sex like a game.

Sex to a man is like a conquest. Treat it like one. In the bedroom, men feel great when you enjoy sex just as much as he does. It makes him feel accomplished. Overtime it gets harder and harder to set aside to enjoy this part of marriage. Do things like trash-talking (i.e. flirting), putting on your best outfit and creating a build-up to the main event.

giphy (13)

  1. Treat the kids like the rookies.

Your kids are just like tiny adults. They are going to need to understand the family slogan in order to thrive and excel. As co-captain of the team it’s the responsibility of both of you to give them the tools they will need to be successful. Make sure you challenge them, give them a voice and most of all have fun.

giphy (14)

Working as a team is never easy. It takes commitment to a desired goal, discipline, motivation, trust and a few lucky bounces of the ball. By treating your marriage more like a game, your husband can truly understand the importance of his role and will work to win.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.