Are you a trust violator? It’s time for repair!

 

 

After reading my last blog on trust, you might have realized that your relationship is suffering in this area.

How would you know that:

• There is no feeling of risk as a partner! No risk, No trust.
• You don’t accept and cultivate your partner’s vulnerability!
• You don’t take your partner’s investment seriously!

If your relationship has been operating under these conditions, DON’T GIVE UP! It’s easy to throw all that you have worked for away. Trust can be renewed with these 6 repairs.

• If you get a sense that you have violated your partner’s trust, bring it out in the open. Acknowledgement is the first step to healing. If you remain silent you will further erode any possibility of a strong relationship. If you need support, or you need someone to help you create a plan contact a counselor or a relationship coach.
• Trust the violation and the repair very seriously. Building trust will take work. You will have to do more work and go a little overboard to gain her trust back.
• If you partner has violated your trust, don’t let them off the hook. If your trust was violated, let them know it. You self-esteem is just as vital to a strong relationship. If you never get to the point of comfort-ability, you will never feel restored in your marriage.
• Don’t become a martyr;it’s not about you, it’s about your partner. When the truth comes out that you have violated his/her trust, don’t even utter, “I’m such a horrible person, why did you even marry me? I knew I would mess up.” These phrases will turn your partner’s anger meter up a hundredfold because you are looking for forgiveness when it’s not warranted.
• Make the changes and commit to them. Come up with a mutual plan that will help repair the trust and commit to it. Remember, some of the things your partner wants you to do may seem ridiculous to you, but it’s not about you. For instance:
  • Making sure you can be reached by cell and text. Let your partner know where you are going and who you are with.
  • Giving control and access to your finances including your paycheck.
  • Discussing any major decisions you need to make before you make them.
  • Getting help for an addiction.
• Rebuilding trust has no timetable. It will take time to rebuild, but it can only be done if the partner that is violated can truly forgive and begin to take the risk again.

STRIVERS, continue to work to build and maintain a strong relationship. Our family and friends need it.

She Said/He Said – You never know where a chance meeting will take you!

After just winning a hair-styling competition, Daleesa Weary just wanted to enjoy a nice dinner and maybe some drinks with her fellow stylists in the business.  They had other ideas. They wanted to hit the clubs to really celebrate. Reluctantly, she decided to go. Little did she know, a simple introduction from a drunken friend would lead to   17 years of a wonderful marriage to Cedric Weary. In this edition of She Said/He Said, Daleesa shares her story on how

Why can’t our Women Trust Us? We don’t possess all the elements.

Today, I was speaking to a former student about one of her posts on FB. She had some anxiety about a situation about her boyfriend and how she was going to handle it. Is was about the essence of trust and how he had violated it several times.

Why do most issues  of trust  involve the husband, or the boyfriend? Why do we as husbands, or boyfriends scratch our heads when their female partners grill them about their whereabouts or extra-curricular activities? Some of us don’t possess all the elements needed to have a trusting relationship.

As men we are conditioned to live a certain way; strong, fearless, be the best.

On the flip side, we have to hide the bad aspects of our life, our weaknesses, the bad behavior and our fears. That sort of machoism may work in other circles of our life, but keeping those things a secret works in reverse when it comes to relationships. Why?

Our connection with our partner relies on creating a deep connection with your partner. The deep connection allows to desire, become passionate and gracious toward one another. These essential elements help form the love life you crave with your partner.

When our partner doesn’t see us as trustworthy toward the relationship, our connection suffers, thus the relationship suffers.

So what are some of the elements of trust that we as men need to develop.

Trust involves Risk – We have to be willing to break out of our cocoon that we place around our lives to avoid getting hurt. We can’t tell our partners:

• I’m good, when we aren’t
• Pull away because we want to pout, or don’t like what she has to say.
• Continue to keep a bad-habit a secret.
• Disconnect, or break-out because our flaw will be exposed.

We have to acknowledge and validate our partner’s vulnerability – Our partner may not reveal their true self because the energy you give off doesn’t invite her to do so. If that is in your heart, you must understand where that is coming from and make the necessary changes.

Take your partner’s ability to trust very seriously. If your woman, has taken the necessary steps to give you her trust, you must work hard to maintain it. Usually there has been point where her trust has been abused and she is hoping you won’t do it again.

If you happen to be in a relationship that has trust issues, in the next blog we will give tips on how to repair it.

Coach Keith

 

Keith Dent, is President and CEO of Strive 2 Succeed Coaching Services, an organization that helps individuals and groups strengthen their communication skills and understand how to hear each other deeply and with empathy. Understanding is the cornerstone of successful, harmonious relationships.