Starting Nov. 1st. BE THANKFUL FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP Month. What you will need are some nice envelopes and stationary.
Monthly Archives: October 2011
Did you know there is such a thing as being bullied by your wife? We tend to focus more on women who are emotionally, or physically abused by their husband. Probabably by the mere fact that how could you possibly injure or kill the mother of your children?
When we hear stories about men being abused, we shake our heads in a different way. We think to ourselves, “Poor man, what is wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stand up and handle his business?”
Men are often left in a precarious situation, not because they have a weak character, but because they know if they take action and exert their strength they may have to prove in a court of law they were the actual victims. Knowing how our court system works, that’s a 50/50 proposition at best. So they would rather take the punishment hoping it will eventually goes away, but in reality it never does. Another reason why men don’t usually take action is because they think to themselves, “How am I being bullied, I am a man!”
Strivers! How can we help our male friends that are close to us be made aware? If you have heard any of these phrases from them more than once, get them help. They are being bullied by their spouse:
- It’s either her way, or I’ll pay. – In essence she wants control in and every part of the relationship. She will resort to any means necessary to achieve her goal.
- I’m never good enough syndrome. – No matter how hard he tries, he can’t meet her expectations. This leads to a sense of helplessness. No matter what he does, he won’t win.
- She said that to me at the restaurant! – Being verbally attacked in public is a man’s worst nightmare. It will break his self-confidence because women are often viewed as the victim and he must have done something really bad to evoke such a response. This will leave him with a “walk-on-egg-shells” type mentality the next time he is out in public with his wife.
- I live in the city of chaos. – He is confused on how he should live. Should he jump in the sandbox of her chaotic life and defend himself or just sit back be an unwilling participant. He doesn’t realize that she feeds on negative energy and conflict. It’s easier to focus on that than to really dig deep and identify the problems, or emotions that are affecting her.
- I can’t even remember the last time we had sex without begging. – She refuses to satisfy any physical, emotional and psychological needs he may have unless her needs are met first. He is left with a relationship that is based on transactions. It’s like going to the ATM and trying take out money not realizing your PIN code has changed every day. The only way you can get money is if you hopefully get an angry customer service rep to help you.
- I can’t remember the last time I have seen you, or my family. – Here antics have left him isolated. This type of spontaneous behavior from his spouse can leve him to go it alone because he never knows when Mt. St. Helens will erupt. In reality, you are the one that’s ultimately left to depend on her? Ask him is that what you want in a relationship? If he says, no encourage him to STEP OUT. Have him call me or seek an abuse counselor for support.
I came across this site, that might be helpful A Shrink for Men, which was very helpful for this post.
Remember Strivers, you are too important to be abused. Have a good rest of the week.
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
If you haven’t seen the news in the past week or so, there is a new I-Phone app call ‘Find My Friends’ which allows you to easily locate your friends and family from your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch.
Unfortunately, this app was used to capture a woman in a lie when she was confronted by her husband in a text message. He asked her where she was in NYC. Instead of telling him, her exact whereabouts in the East Village. She was confirmed by the spouse tracking device to be uptown. The problem with what is being reported by the man tagged ThomasMetz. We aren’t sure what she was doing, she just lied about our whereabouts.
Are we so, quick to assume the worse without even talking to our spouses? What’s next, will there be an app. that will determine if our spouse spends more money while shopping, or an app. that will snuff out that our spouse is really ‘faking’?
Whether it be infidelity, intimacy in our marriage, or finances, we should be able to talk to our spouse as opposed to using our Smart Phones to do it for us.
Are we relying too much on our smart phones to manage our lives?
Strivers! Why can’t we talk to our spouses anymore when it comes to difficult discussions?
Early in our marriage, I told my wife, P.G. that I wouldn’t be rich. I know she must have thought I was joking. I had graduated from Georgetown University with a degree in marketing, and was on my way to a Master’s in Nonprofit Management. The world was my oyster, well our oyster. But my passion was towards helping people whether it be teens, or couples. What she didn’t realize, I was also helping our marriage too.
Each couple completed a questionnaire which evaluated their relationship and asked, among other things, how much they value “having money and lots of things.” The study, which was just published in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, found that couples who say money is not important to them score about 10% to 15% better on measures of relationship quality, such as marriage stability, than those couples where both or one spouse are materialistic.
In a somewhat surprising twist, the researchers found that those couples in which both partners said they valued lots of money—about 20% of the couples in the study—fared worse than those couples who were mismatched and just had one materialist in the marriage.
“Couples where both spouses are materialistic were worse off on nearly every measure we looked at,” said Jason Carroll, a BYU professor of family life and lead author of the study. “There is a pervasive pattern in the data of eroding communication, poor conflict resolution and low responsiveness to each other.”
I may not have riches, but what I do have Luther states so eloquently. A good marriage.
I want to be the one that you just can’t live without
I want to be the one
that you never feel no doubt
I want to be the one that you let give you the lovin’
But, I have nothing
I want to be
the one that you always want to be near
I want to say the words that your
body and soul need to hear
I want to be the one that you let give you all the
But I have nothing
So Strivers..What will you throw out to Save your Marriage?
If you didn’t notice yesterday, the National Football League designates all the games in the month of October by promoting the players to wear Pink. The fact is Breast Cancer can be traumatic for your spouse, especially since if there is no history of cancer in your family.
So besides wearing a Pink Ribbon, or participating in as many Breast Cancer Events, what does your spouse really need from you. (Excerpt from Pam Stephan (About.com)
1. Be There
The person with breast cancer needs you now more than ever. But the patient won’t be fun to be with all the time. So, don’t give into the temptation to hide from the situation by getting busier with work, hobbies, or other things that keep you away from the patient. It’s no fun holding a woman’s head while she loses her cookies, or holding her hand just before she goes into surgery. But she’ll remember what you did for her later.
Maybe you’re not a born organizer. But you can keep track of doctor’s appointments, medications, prescriptions, hospital bills, test reports, and the hundreds of other pieces of paper that a typical treatment sequence for breast cancer generates. Not all of these papers are important, but you don’t want to lose the ones that are. And your patient will be relieved not to have to keep track of them herself.
There will be times when you both feel like crying. Go ahead. But make sure you’re the one handing out the hankies, not your patient. She needs an emotional anchor, and you’re it, whether you like it or not. Sometimes not saying anything is better than saying the wrong thing. But if you’re there, advocating, and organizing, your actions tell her that you care, even if you don’t have the words to say it.
5. Act Normal
Whatever is normal for you, that is. Cancer doesn’t mean the world has to grind to a halt. If you and the patient have normal routines and things you enjoy doing, try to keep them up to the extent possible. But always be sensitive to physical fatigue, emotional stress, or other reasons for not doing things you used to do, and give into the needs of your patient.
6. Be Honest
Most people today would rather hear the truth about their medical condition than a sweetened-up lie. This doesn’t mean being needlessly cruel, however. When you both face the same facts together, whatever they are, you can act together and stay together through the treatment.
7. Don’t Leave
If you’re like most men, you look to your wife or girlfriend to supply needs or wants you have for affection, companionship, and sex. Some guys have the attitude that, “If a woman can’t give me what I want anymore in these departments, I’d better drop her and find another one.” This is the absolutely worst thing you can do to her at this vulnerable point in her life. A woman can get over cancer, but she’ll never get over the deep and lasting emotional injury you’ve given her if you abandon her now. And neither will you. Don’t do it. Stay with her, even if you’re not that happy with the situation. You’ll both be better off together than you’d be in Splitsville.
8. Ask Your Friends For Help
The two of you don’t have to do it all by yourselves. Friends, neighbors, relatives are there to be asked for help. Not all of them will, but you will be surprised at what some people will do if you just ask them. Seek their help in driving to appointments, staying with the patient while you’re at work, or doing errands you normally do but don’t have time for anymore.