Who is your Jeremy Lin?

Let me tell you right here and now, I am not a New York Knicks fan. I would have to be LINsane if I didn’t know the one individual that has transformed the New York sports landscape, Jeremy Lin. In his brief start as the New York Knicks point guard he has brought not only excitement to New York basketball, but an excitement to the NBA that hasn’t been felt since Michael Jordan retired.

You may be asking yourself is this a relationship blog, or ESPN. Don’t worry there is a correlation.

If you’ve had some challenges in the dating arena, you may have to ask yourself have I overlooked my Jeremy Lin? If you have dated long enough you have had a Jeremy Lin in your life. Even I, Coach Keith, was a Jeremy Lin before I found my beloved PG.

Here are some of the qualities that the Jeremy Lin in your life may have that you might not have considered.

• Perseverance– Jeremy never gave up on his abilities even though he was overlooked many times. So ask yourself, is there a person you have overlooked based solely on external characteristics.?He has been trying to get your attention, but there may be some quality about him that has held you back.

• Patience – You can’t judge your Jeremy Lin based on one or two meetings. The real Jeremy Lin was not recruited by any top flight Division 1 college basketball programs. He went to Harvard. Lin actually stated, “His game is something you had to see more than once.” So who did you write off after one or two dates because it didn’t go the way you thought it should.

• Risk/Reward – The Knicks had lost 11 of 15 games and needed a spark to turn your season around. They expected a player with more experience to help, but that help never came. So out of desperation, they turned to the unproven Lin.  The reward has been tremendous. The team quickly began selling replicas of Lin’s No. 17 jerseys and t-shirts, and the sales and traffic for its online store increased more than 3,000%.  Has your dating life been stagnant, or better yet non-existent? Instead of FB messaging your Jeremy Lin about the basketball game, go to the game, or watch the game together at a sports bar. You just might find that spark you need to bring to turn your love life around.

In relationships, you may have to think outside the box and consider the man/woman you might have overlooked. It might be the most wonderful rewarding relationship you will ever have.

Valentine’s Day–it’s the Super Bowl of Love, but I prefer the regular season.

This morning I went to Shoprite to pick up strawberries for my son’s Valentine’s Day party. I thought I would be in and out of the store because I can usually find them  as soon as I enter the store. Instead it took me awhile to find them because they were replaced by roses and flower arrangements. Isn’t it funny that groceries stores and even gas stations have joined Hallmark, to prepare for this one event?

On average, Americans are spending $126 on their significant other according to the National Retail Federation. Another important issue is that after Valentine’s Day is a peak season for break-ups. The major reason is the build up of the perfect gift usually never really materializes.

What if we just focused on celebrating and honoring our significant others throughout the year, instead of one day. Would it take the pressure off you trying to find that perfect gift?

Here are some regular season gifts that you can give your spouse.

For the Men:

1. Be creative when you express your love both in words and actions.
2. Focus on what he is doing right.
3. Take notice for what he has done for you and your family
4. Show your love through actions he will appreciate.
5. Instead of bragging about his gift, brag about him as a gift.

For the Ladies:

1. Express to her that you need and value her.
2. Keep her trust.
3. Surprise her with what she would want done before she asks
4. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific!
5. Show and tell her she matters more than any gift you could buy.

Now what will you do to show your spouse you love and honor them besides a gift.

No matter what you do, I hope you have a happy and enjoyable Valentine’s Day.

Husbands if you don’t love yourself, how are you going to love your wife?

In Ephesians 5:28, Paul wrote “In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.”

What a very profound passage of scripture. Paul is stating that we should love our wives just like we love our own bodies. In most cases does this happen? No!

I know many arguments between PG and I ensued because she would make suggestions that she felt would be to my benefit and she felt that I would deliberately do the opposite.

Consciously, or subconsciously I am sure I probably did the opposite because following her lead meant that I couldn’t think for myself; that my idea wouldn’t work. So instead of taking care of my body, or in essence showing love for my spouse, I did the opposite. I wasn’t showing love for my myself, which was an eye opener. Men is this happening to you? Are you insecure of your wife’s personality or the fact that she makes more money than you? If  this is true, then your interaction with her will reflect that and it will affect your marriage.

Digesting this passage helped me to realize that if I love myself, which I do, then I must love my wife the same love. And husbands out there..You should too!

Here are 3 ways to show love for your wife!

• Acknowledge your wife’s ideas, even if you take them.
• Find out what are the little things that irk her.
• Push her to greatness!

Husbands, what are some other ways that you can show love for your wife, and in essence show love for yourself.

Coach Keith

A “New” Attitude – The Makeover of Relationships

When we often think of a makeover we think about a new wardrobe, cosmetic surgery, or any minor adjustment that will help us feel better about ourselves on the outside. But do we ever think about a relationship makeover? No! We automatically assume that the individual adjustments to our teeth, tummy or our breasts will bring the man of our dreams, when in fact it’s our attitudes about dating and relationships that are the main cause of our obstacles in the first place.

Some of the common attitudes about dating are as follows:

• There are no good men out there.
• Of the few good men that are available, they are either married or gay.
• Men don’t want to settle down, the just want to hit it and keep it movin’.

Have you ever really sat down and wondered where your thoughts about relationships come from? Your attitudes about relationships start to develop before you are even born. According to John Maxwell’s book Attitude 101, there are 6 stages where you develop certain characteristics that impact your attitude.

The first characteristic is your personality. There are four basic temperaments that shape how you view things, Sanguine (extroverted), Choleric (a doer), Melancholic (a perfectionist), Phlegmatic (self-content, kind).

The next characteristic is your environment. Our environment is the first challenger of our belief system. For example, even if we have a positive outlook about relationships, but we live in an environment that challenges that idea, it will begin to chip away at our beliefs.

The final characteristic is what moments we remember in past relationships. If you constantly hear negative words during a tumultuous relationship, they will linger long after the physical pain of the break up.

To start the Makeover process, you must peel away the layers of negativity.

What negative emotions are you holding on to? I would love to hear from you.

Coach Keith

Has your spouse already broken one of your 2012 goals and you’re Nagging again!

According to Elizabeth Bernstein’s recent article in the Wall Street Journal, nagging is more common than adultery and potentially as toxic.

If nagging is prevalent in your household, I am sure that one of your goals for the year was to reduce the times you nag your husband about specific action he needed to take.

In fact, we set specific goals around specific, but they aren’t aligned with the individual we are married to. Our goals are outwardly focused like planning a vacation, paying off our bills, going on more dates, or having more sex.

We usually don’t set goals on how we can better treat our spouse, or how we can empower them to be a successful husband or wife. Your spouse, no matter how long you have been married, whether it’s been 1 year, 5 years, or 25 years craves appreciation.

The easiest most productive way to say thank you is by recognition. When there is no recognition it can be challenging for your spouse to respond to your pleas for support, or motivated to make the changes necessary for the betterment of the marriage.

If this is you and you want to continue to empower your marriage, let me ask you “How can you change your action-oriented goals to more personal development goals?

1. Plan it! I’ve said in previous blogs, consciously catching your spouse doing something that warms your heart is especially rewarding. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. If you tell him/her you appreciate what they have done as soon as possible will lead to other acts of kindness.
2. Pump them Up! – Any chance you get to brag about your spouse at the office, in front of your kids, or your parents, do it. Words are more powerful than any gift. It will leave a trail of positive energy that will have a long-lasting effect.
3. Put it in Writing! The creme de la creme is when you cam compose your empowering words in a letter or a card. As we all know people in general tend to live in the past and will focus on their failures and not successes. That is a major reason why nagging can be so destructive in a marriage. It forces the naggee to constantly think about what they are doing wrong. Who wants to live like that. We should really concentrate and live in the moment. A card or a letter will do just that.

In the year 2012, let’s try a new tactic, we might get a different result. Let’s focus on acknowledging the positive results.

By planning it, pumping them up and putting it in writing, our marriages may not only make those action-oriented goals that we nag our spouses about it achievable, but also enjoyable.

Coach Keith