Brothas, if you want my advice about marriage and relationships, there is one thing you should definitely know. If you are cheating on your woman, more likely than not that she already knows about it, or at least has an idea.
Most girlfriends and wives are highly in tune with their boyfriends or husbands mannersisms and behaviors not just towards them, but other women as well.
If you disagree with me and you feel you can continue to have an affair without ever facing the wrath of your partner, then you do you. I can pretty much guarantee that there will, indeed, come a time when you walk through the door and find her wide awake and waiting in the dark to ask you a full laundry list of questions.
Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching. He is the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love and his work has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamaMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. If this is you and you feel you are having trouble telling your partner about that you are cheating, contact me via email and let’s have a chat.
For some couples, the wedding has just ended and you are settling into your marriage routine. For others, you have been married for several years, you are all consumed by your kid’s activities and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on your relationship. But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team?
According to a 2014 study that was highlighted in this New York Times article, most of us don’t when it comes to having a decisive marriage. We just simply slide through our marriages and the major decisions we have to make in order to feel like we feel like a team. What’s interesting about this study is that most of us have probably been on a team one way or another; from our sports teams as children to our present work teams. We have always relied on other people to get the job done and to win.
So why doesn’t it translate when we get married? The main reason is our approach. We don’t utilize the team concept when it comes to our relationships. We usually come together because the people we are marrying usually best meet our individual needs, not necessarily the best team. So when we have conflict with our partner or when that partner does something that is far too damaging, we find it’s just easier to change partners.
Even I, who have played on teams almost all of my life, found it difficult to handle arguments with my wife. The main reason was that I focused more on my needs than our needs. One of our more famous stories that my wife usually tells at parties had to deal with one of our adventures to the grocery store to buy formula for our infant daughter, Olivia, 22 years ago. Yes, it’s still fresh. We would normally buy Enfamil with Iron, but on this day, I didn’t have enough money in my wallet to buy it, so stupidly, I just bought the regular Enfamil. Well, most of you know what happened next. My wife was furious that I would put my need to keep a few extra dollars in the bank before the families’ needs of making sure our daughter was healthy and go the best. So the next day, she bought the one most expensive high chairs in the store. What did I say about this? Nothing, because I knew I wasn’t living the team first concept.
When it comes to transferring your relationship from sex partner to marriage material and a potential partner for life, you will have to dive deep and see if this man has the ability to be your future husband. Even though sex is usually the initial place where a man begins to connect with a woman, the both of you will have to make sure it’s deeper than the surface.
You will have to connect mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Now that 2020 has come to a close, I’m sure folks are ready to turn the page a move into 2021.
Resolutions are great because they gives you a chance to clear your mind, reflect on what’s important to you, and move in a positive direction, provide concrete goals that can give you focus and stability, and show others that you are striving towards your dreams. In fact, 74% of Americans say they’re determined to learn something new, make a lifestyle change or set a personal goal in an effort to better themselves in 2021. You can’t imagine the number of people that will be positively impacted!
When we think about resolutions, we usually think of individual goals we want to achieve for ourselves, like losing weight, getting a new job, or saving more money.
But my advice is that many relationships would improve if partners create New Year’s resolutions together as a couple.
Why is that important?
It means you will have a built-in accountability partner. Remember one of the famous acronyms for team is “Together Each Achieves More.” This will ensure that you and your partner stay committed to the resolutions you create.
You can also have fun with it by making it a date night activity and continuing to do so throughout the year as the two of you check-in with each other to see how your resolutions are going.
Finally, this provides an opportunity to celebrate your successes together. Being intentional about improving your lives will automatically improve your relationship or marriage.
To help you start your own resolution list, here are my 15 best ideas for New Year’s resolutions couples can make as a team.
1. Take a look back at the past year together.
By focusing on what happened the past year, you more than likely would have forgotten the little squabbles that impacted your marriage at the moment.
Looking back on the fond memories of the past year will help you look forward optimistically to the year ahead.
2. Create a nutrition plan together.
It’s hard for an individual to stick to eating healthy when the other isn’t.
Creating a healthy eating plan together with exercise can not only help you lose weight, but you will also have more energy to do fun things together.
3. Set aside time on a daily or weekly basis to check in with each other.
Since communication can be the biggest challenge to a healthy marriage or relationship, it’s imperative that you carve out space to check in with each other.
This shouldn’t be the where you just check-in to talk about your resolutions, but talk about life in general.
4. Create a family mission statement.
This statement allows the two of you, as well as your children, to feel a sense of unity and purpose.
It lets each member know that everyone is truly committed to each other’s success and growth.
5. Pay off a credit card.
It’s no secret that finances can be a source of stress and worry among couples.
Creating a strict budget or using the snowball method to pay down debt can make you generally happier.
6. When it comes to sex, explore how you can be more creative.
If you have been married for a while making sex a priority can be challenging.
By infusing a little more creativity and fun in your sex life will all of a sudden make it a must thing to do for your marriage to thrive.
7. Read and discuss a helpful book about relationships and/or marriage.
Sometimes it’s hard to articulate the things you want out of marriage.
Having a book discussion about marriage can really get to the heart of the matter without trying to figure things out on your own.
8. Take turns choosing a new activity to try together each month.
This does a couple of things.
First, you get a chance to have a new experience as a couple every month. If nothing else, this means you will have 12 new stories to tell by the end of the year.
Second, by alternating who chooses the month’s activity, you will have to keep your partner in mind because you will want them to enjoy the event as much as you will.
9. Create a proactive plan for handling conflict.
As you are working to achieve your goals, you can’t expect every day to be sunny and rosy.
If you have avoided conflicts in the past, make plan figure out how to resolve them by remaining respectful.
10. Schedule your annual doctor’s appointments.
If you have your health, you have everything.
11. Choose a cause to volunteer for together.
This is a great way to live out your values and have a wonderful bonding experience at the same time.
You can get a fresh perspective on your life as husband and wife when you are supporting an organization or a cause that really needs it.
12. Plan to host a dinner party for other couples.
There is strength in numbers.
Hosting a dinner party allows you to talk about marriage in a fun and silly way and helps you understand that you’re not alone. Remember, social-distancing is still in affect.
13. Set a goal with your children.
Creating a family goal will not only teach your children how to set goals for themselves, it will create a strong bond with your children as a family unit.
14. Schedule some time for yourselves.
Even with all of these mutual goals the two of you are working on, you must still leave some time for each of you to take for yourselves.
You will value each other more as a couple when you make the space and room to develop as individuals.
15. Plan a celebration.
If you can make and achieve at least 80% of these resolutions by the end of the year, 2020 will be awesome. Celebrate your growth as a couple.
Happy New Year!
Keith Dent is a certified coach and author of “In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.” If you are struggling to communicate more effectively with your partner and set future goals, contact him via email to learn more about how he can help.
It’s exciting to find a man who’s ready to stop playing dating games and start focusing on what one woman — you — have to offer in relationships, but before you even consider committing to him as “boyfriend and girlfriend”, let alone think seriously about getting married and making him your husband, it’s critical to know which personality traits to look for as signs that he will actually be a good boyfriend (and, potentially, a good husband).
This means it’s time to get to know and understand the aspects of his character and personality, and in doing so, you’ll strengthen the relationship you’ve begun even more.
To understand the 10 Personality Traits your future boyfriend needs click here.
Keith Dent is a relationship and life coach, as well as the author of the “In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.” His work has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamaMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. If you are having issues figuring out which personality traits you need in a man, give him a shout via email.
You’ve been dating for what feels like forever, and at long last, you feel positive you’ve met “the one” — that perfect person you’ve been waiting to fall in love with for so long.
What makes it especially exciting is that the feeling is obviously mutual. They’ve been showering you with the gifts, affection, and love you’ve craved, and which you’d almost given up hope of ever finding.
Unfortunately, your friends aren’t so sure about your new relationship.
They may feel your new partner is really manipulating you and you don’t even know it. To see the 9 signs you are being emotionally manipulated, click here.
When a COVID Vaccine is finally found, how will it impact the world of relationships, dating, and Sex?
Will we go back to the invisible labor that women have had to do for so long behind the scenes that have been totally brought into the open for many families during this pandemic?
Will couples no longer rush to cohabitate, because the ability to experiment and form relationships has been severely curtailed?
Will Zoom dating and Zoom sex become the norm?
All important things to think about as cases begin to rise as the pandemic lingers.
What do you think?
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you like leave a comment, or reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are having challenges in your relationship and dating life.
A Growth-focused relationships are all about encouraging each other’s challenges and dreams. With that said, how are you inspiring your partner to take on a new professional or personal goal? In what area does your partner have room to grow?
There is a shift going on in marriage today. The rise of the beta husband. As a man, I know you might not have expected to be in this distinct group, but let me help you understand you aren’t alone.
The last study done in 2013 by the Institute of Family Studies showed that among married, heterosexual couples in the U.S., a quarter of wives, or about 15 million, are the primary breadwinners in their family.
There are many challenges that can come with this marriage dynamic. For one, we as men are taught to hang our badge based on what we do in life, not on what we do at home, as well as women who don’t usually get rewarded from bringing home the bacon. In our society, it’s the exact opposite.
Another issue is the assumption that the other partner may have a better situation. The husband may think his wife is going out enjoying lunch and happy hours with fellow co-workers, but not see the stress getting those same co-workers to take her leadership seriously. The woman may feel he’s just hanging out after he drops off the children, but in reality, he is struggling with his self-esteem and identity.
One thing we do know, this new dynamic isn’t going away. As women are given more opportunities to excel corporately and as entrepreneurs, husbands, if you have the ability to stay home, or take a lesser role at work for the benefit of the family, you will have to identify the best way to excel individually and in the marriage.
If you are having a hard time figuring it out, here is a Ten-Step Beta Husband’s Guide to loving a Type-A wife.
Identify your comfortability with your role reversal. I’m sure when you got married, you didn’t expect that you would be scheduling playdates and managing the home. If you don’t like it, or if you are struggling, then be honest. Tell your wife, but even more importantly you will have to come up with a plan. If you don’t you will be stuck in an untenable situation.
If you are comfortable with the way the relationship is going, find something you are passionate about and pursue it while managing your other duties. Your alpha wife doesn’t care so much that you aren’t the primary breadwinner. What she does care about is that you’re actively doing something to make you strive to be the best person you can be.
Make sure the relationship doesn’t become parental.If you hear phrases like, “You’re like my 3rd child!” or “Do I have to ask you again, Can you please…” then sit your wife down and ask her, “Do you feel like you’re my parent?” If she says, “Yes, sometimes,” then it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship because if she feels this way then you know that sometimes, she’s going to treat you like a child. And the needs you have as her husband are not going to be met.
Avoid being isolated. Having a social network is critical to being a beta husband. You just don’t want to feel that you’re managing your life alone and you totally on your wife for support. If you were ever in the situation where your wife is now, remember how that felt. Most of the time, you needed some space just to relax and you wished she had friends to talk to. You need to find the same people in your life that will do the same. And to top it all off your wife is still probably doing more work around the house than you are. So you can’t get angry when she falls asleep from exhaustion.
Appeal to your wife’s feminine side. Your wife may be kickin’ ass and taking names outside the house, but she is still a woman and needs to be reminded of that from time to time, so it’s up to you to do it. So what does that mean as the beta husband you have to put your wife first. Be spontaneous, buy her a gift, or schedule a date for lunch at her office if possible.
Push back when warranted. In the office, an alpha woman doesn’t exert her will onto men as they cower in the corner, she is constantly being challenged, but stand up to their beliefs. At home, they want the same thing. In other words, she wants you to have an opinion. Being a beta husband doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. Remember marriage is about a partnership, teamwork. If you have a conviction about an issue, share it so you can discuss it together.
Remind her that you are dependable, responsive, and supportive. In other words, you are there for her, something that her more alpha fantasy man might not be.
Figure out the best way to get more chores done. It’s no secret that even when women make more money than us, they still do more housework. That has to be corrected. If you don’t it will cause your spouse to become resentful because in her mind she will say, “You’re not pulling your weight around here.” So figure out the best tool that will help you get projects accomplished. Either create lists or use a project management app whatever works.
Create an atmosphere of romance. If romance and sex are important to you, you’ll have to make it a priority. So she makes more money than you, that doesn’t mean she is also going to be the aggressor in the bedroom. You will still have to do those things that put her in the mood. Take note if she is no longer doing those romantic things you need as a husband you should let her know that it’s important to maintain a healthy sex life.
Step up so she can step back. No matter what the situation is, whether she has expressed her displeasure in your current situation or not, she is just looking for you to take the pressure off.
In the end if you can figure out some of these details you and your relationship will be headed in the right direction.