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The Smart Woman’s Guide to Falling in Love With a Narcissist

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Every one has to fall in love with a narcissist one time in their life. It’s the best way to experience the total emotional spectrum in a relationship. It will provide everything from the opportunity to be charmed beyond your wildest dreams to eventually getting to the point where you can no longer stand this person.

So what are the steps to finding the narcissist of your dreams?

Step #1 – Make sure you are always dressed like a million bucks

A narcissist believes life is always about him. His appearance will be impeccable when your eyes meet. He will also be very quick to flatter your beauty and intellect because he is envisions the two of you together. So make sure the hair, clothes, nails, etc. are on point.

Step #2 – Be empathetic

Since a narcissist has no real empathy for anything or anyone he will be drawn to the mere fact that you can show that type of emotion towards them.

Step #3 – Let  his shame tug at your heartstrings

Most of the time when you are with him everything will be perfect. But be on guard. There will be a few times when he lets his hair down and talks about his shame. Be prepared to have it tug at your heart. Let me caution you, don’t try to help him acknowledge his shame, though. It may result in a fit of emotional rage.

Step #4 – You must have a fond appreciation for actors

Your narcissist man will be able to emulate anything you want them to be. If it’s a family man, he will dote on his kids and spoil them in all the ways that make him look good. Don’t worry about disciplining them, that will be your job.

Step #5 – Be prepared to move on

No matter how rocky the relationship will be and just when you think your relationship is about to turnaround, he will be out. According to an article in Psychology Today The narcissist loved being in a relationship—but only on his terms.

In the end you will gain clarity on the fact that your narcissist lover has severe emotional issues that you will eventually walk away from so the emotionally healthy one can find you.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching. He is the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love and appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. He also cohosts a FB LiveStream show called CouplesConversation.

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Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

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Here Are 5 Reasons To Choose Being Single, Than In a Bad Relationship.

Did you know this past January 8th, the first Monday of the New Year, is considered “Divorce Day.”  It’s the day where individuals that already cracks in their relationship inquire about divorce because the holidays are now over.

Even though most individuals that are ecstatic to no longer have the albatross around their neck, some of you  after a few days of singleness are contemplating your decision.

I’m here to tell you, do not be discouraged with your decision. Click here to read 5 Reasons Why Choosing To Be Single is Better Than A Bad Relationship.

 

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Posted by on January 11, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

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Has Your Tinder Man Fallen in Love with You? Here Are The 7 Signs!

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Finding Love on Tinder is minefield that most people don’t want to enter.

If you are lucky enough to meet a nice guy, have meaningful conversations that lead to, casual dates, and a few hookups, it has a chance to develop into a relationship.

Love is an entirely different thing. You want to be clear that this relationship you are building is something that can become sustainable. Click here to read the 7 signs that his feelings for you is turning into something more.

 
 

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Raising Boys Is Hard, But I’m Still Thankful I Got The Job.

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I always thought  raising a teenage daughter would be challenging. From empowering her to be the best she can be to making sure she doesn’t get hurt by some boy or man. I had a lot to worry about.

To read more about why raising boys is hard, click here.
 
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Posted by on November 29, 2017 in Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

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Love’s Holiday – #LoveMusicMonday

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Would you mind
If I touch, if I kiss, if I held you tight?
In the morning light?

Would you mind
If I said how I felt tenderly tonight?

Again ’cause, I never ever felt this way
In my heart before, oh
Love has found its way
In my heart, tonight, yeah

 

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Letter to My Younger Married Self – Maiden vs. Married

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Dear 28-year-old Diana,

It’s happened…you’s a married girl (ala The Color Purple)! Your teenage dream of finding the right man and being dressed in white to walk down the aisle to meet “the one” Cory  A. Jones happened. I am currently 42 years old and have so much to tell you that will give you peace in your heart and mind about what to expect about marriage.

Remember when you conceived at age 15 and had a son at age 16? Remember when you thought your life was over when his father left him? Remember when you thought you were unlovable because who would love a girl who had a baby? Well, you met THE ONE who dispelled all those lies. You met THE ONE who gave you value and worth. You met THE ONE who gave you purpose. You met THE ONE who has great plans, gives hope and a future. You met JESUS! He is THE ONE who has never failed you, never left you and never forsaken you.

It’s because of Him, that you started to know who you were as a woman, mother and a potential wife. He’s the one that made the connection between you and Cory A. Jones, your now husband who you met at the worst job you two ever had. He knew who you would need to be beside you and be the father and step father of your children. He would also be the one to dispel the lies about what men do. You know. Those thoughts about past experiences that men will leave, men cheat, men are selfish, men leave their children, and on and on. He’s a good one, D. He will represent sacrificial love to you in good times and bad. He is generous and will shower you with gifts and heartfelt cards of encouragement (even though gifts aren’t your primary love language, you like it 😀). You’ll know that he’s the one not on day one but as years pass and good times and trials come, Cory will show you that he is not what your father did and he is not what your exes have done. He becomes a Godly man who yearns to grow in the Lord and seeks His wisdom on how to lead himself and his family. You should learn to accept that early on.

You’ll learn that marriage isn’t easy. It will take daily work of prayer, reading, counsel, and introspective analysis to continue to heal from past wounds of your father and past relationships so you two could conquer the future together.

When the going gets tough…

⁃    Keep fighting
⁃    Keep praying
⁃    Keep worshipping
⁃    Keep speaking life over yourselves
⁃    Keep loving
⁃    Keep the faith
⁃    Keep learning

Love,
42-year-old Diana

 

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Letter To My Younger Married Self – Love Overcomes!

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Dear 28 year-old Cory,

I know you’re dating Diana J. Novoa right now, and you will soon propose to her. Spoiler alert, she will say yes but the words coming out her mouth will be delayed for some reason (lol). Your Princess from Queens will in fact become your Queen from Queens (NY), your best friend and the love of your life. There’s some things you should know
before you say “I Do” and I hope you’re sitting down…lol.

In all seriousness…you’ve picked a winner. When you lose your job after the tragic events of 9- 11 and the financial company you work for lays off a great number of you’ll, your lady will stand strong. Although you’ll were planning and saving up for a wedding, her faith and commitment to helping you get back on your feet did not waiver. When you decided to take a low paying assistant job at a record company instead of focusing on the level of pay you were accustomed to, your woman did not flinch. She just found a way to make it work. She knew your desire to break into the music business and was totally on board. You married a strong women of faith. Which is one of her best qualities. She assesses a situation and tries to figure it out. She’s a real team player and it will teach you that she can be trusted to battle adversity, she will not fold when things don’t go exactly as planned. I know that’s one of your concerns. You want a battle tested warrior chick. You’ve seen what your mother had to endure and toughness is a quality
you really appreciate. Diana has a “can do/will do/by any means necessary” attitude.

During the first 15 years of your marriage the bond just continued to grow stronger. You guys have a, we’ll figure it out, lets see what the Lord has to say about attitude and your marriage received many compliments over the years as one that looks really strong and united.

Honesty is huge for you. I know you cling to the fact that your mother was a super hero on the outside and was tormented on the inside. There were so many things you didn’t and couldn’t understand growing up. Your mother dealt with a lot of pain, heartbreak, unmet expectations and a general lack of love and support being the youngest of three. So as time went on and the armor started to crack, it was a real emotional roller-coaster for you. One that manifested itself into not trusting women. In not trusting women, you would leave any relationship at the first sight of difficulty. But establishing a friendship with Diana, you were able to get to know who she really was minus the pressure of dating, which I refer to as the dating hoax. The dating hoax is when you put on your “best face/image/mask” for the interview. Dating can seem like a series of intimate interviews. But since you started out as friends with Diana, you established a
foundation of truth, because no one was ever trying to impress the other. There was no need to, we had no ulterior motives. We laughed, gave each advice and genuinely wished each other well. Rest assured you guys are still friends, you like being around each other and you’ll focus on being honest (not mean) and appreciative of how God wired each of you. You’ve grown to appreciate Diana’s love of family and being around people. She even convinced you to open your home to hosting a life group (bible study) and marriage mentoring group. You’re not antisocial but you do appreciate a quiet night of watching a movie over hosting families and their children, cooking, cleaning, facilitating a bible study which requires hours of study before your guest arrive. But you learned to love hosting, I know, I’m surprised as well.

Love will stretch you Cory, because when done right, it’s not easy. You will find that Love is not what you want to give, it’s giving what the other needs, but in a sacrificial way. You will have some problems in this area until you read, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman as well as studying the word of God, specifically 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Biblically, love is patient and kind. You’re kind but not particularly patient. That’s the New York City in you.

Love is not jealous, boastful, proud or rude. You struggle with the proud part, you will have to be more vulnerable. Keeping stuff in won’t work. The “tough guy/whatever/it’s all good” thing in marriage is a trait you must lose.

You’re not jealous, certainly not boastful and not knowingly rude. That pride is a deal breaker though; and I know where it comes from. You needed a certain swagger to keep your head up in your childhood to preserver. But as a born again Christian you are a new creation.

Love does not demand its own way. You certainly expect your own way, you will feel at times because of what you do, you expect to get your own way. You will have to work through that and not be so presumptuous.

Love is not irritable and keeps no records of being wronged. That is and has not been easy for you. You’re a score keeper, that’s why you love sports so much. Cory, you will sometimes keep score and that will cause you to believe and expect returns on your investment, for lack of a better word. It doesn’t work that way young brother.

Don’t forget the sacrificial aspect of Love. Love does not rejoice at injustice but
rejoices when truth wins out. That’s easy enough for you. You’re a fair man.

Love never gives up, never loses hope or faith and wins out in every circumstance. You’re not one to give up, you will be someone that’s open to marriage counseling, talks with other successful couples that’s been at it longer than you guys, visiting marriage conferences for tune-ups, reading books on marriage and speaking to your pastors when issues arise. You wind up doing pretty good my dude. Your wife feels like she’s the apple of your eye and second to no one, you have been able to prioritize really well. Even your kids know they must respect your bride at all times.

Overall, you’re doing pretty well 15 years in. But, it is a never ending effort. The minute you take your foot off the gas you literally roll backward. You must continually look to show how much you love and appreciate your spouse. And not in a job way, in a we’re not guaranteed tomorrow way.

Sincerely,

44 year old, Cory

 

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