5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 4 (Giving)

Part 4 of our 5 part series of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by your example has to do with Giving.

One of the most important ways, that our kids will follow our example is how we Give.

Our kids at an early age understand the word Get, especially when they see us purchase anything we want, or if anytime they ask for something and we buy it for them.

What we truly don’t understand is that our kids truly enjoy how much we give them versus how much we get them.

Let me explain. There are three crucial things that we can give, that will carry over into their own marriages when they have kids.

When you give them Thanks

Our kids will watch us, especially when you give thank them. Our kids feel empowered when we thank them for doing something out of the ordinary, or even more simply for being themselves. This will be helpful as our kids get to their teen years because their identity is constantly being challenged. If they get a sense from you that you value who they are it will provide confidence and self-esteem.

When you give them Time.

This is also  important, but can be very challenging. Uninterrupted time is something we take for granted, but what our kids cherish the most. Imagine, if you gave each of your kids 1 hour of devoted time every day for them to do whatever they wanted. That can be a challenge for anyone. One thing, my wife and I do is give each of our children their own vacation by themselves. I can say, those opportunities have been the most memorable for all of them and it has truly allowed us to know them as individuals.

When you show them how to give out of your wallet.

By donating to a cause you believe in, whether it be your church or a non-profit organization it will help your kids understand that earning a living doesn’t mean that you buy things just for yourself. You should systematically sacrifice it to give to others in need.

 

More important to give things than to have things.

When show them how to give of yourself.

Your kids will definitely watch how you extend yourself to neighbors. Take the time to get to know them, at least their names, and their children’s names. At some point, invite them over to dinner. You will be amazed how beneficial this will be for your neighbors; for your kids and even to you.

 

5 Lessons of about your Marriage kids learn by your example: Part 1(Love)

Believe it or not, our kids are learning about marriage through our example, and not what we say about marriage. With that said, this new 5-part series will focus on how we can teach kids the keys to a strong marriage by the examples we show them in our own marriage.

The first way of course is by how we LOVE. Saying, “I Love you.” isn’t enough especially since our children go through several stages of development.

When a child is an infant, you need to show love immediately and it needs to come from both parents. Since they haven’t begun to talk yet, it’s important that they get to know your both your voices, you both hold them and you both take the time to interact with them.

Around age 2, you will need to discipline them as a part of love. If you train the child early and often, hopefully they will continue to live the lessons you have taught them when you are apart.

At around age 10, you children learn the importance of your love when you spend time with them. If there are certain activities/interests you see that your children are passionate about, do as much as possible to acknowledge their passion and promote opportunities to follow it.

When your kids reach the pre-teen level their mode of thinking tends to be black/white? the love you show for your spouse will really be important because that will be the time when kids are trying to form positive relationships themselves. Showing your spouse outward displays of Love in a respectful way will help them to model how they should be treated as they enter their relationships.

So the #iLoveStrong question for the day is, what outwardly ways do you show your children that you Love them and your spouse?

Coach Keith

Strive 2 Succeed’s Favorite Things – The Gift of Protection

When you get married, you become comfortable. For some of us, too comfortable and we let our guard down. So when attacks come, you often wonder how did this happen to me? You didn’t exchange the ‘Gift of Protection’ with your spouse. This is essential if you want to maintain a healthy successful marriage.

What are 5 bows are needed to wrap around our ‘Gift of Protection’

Emotional Integrity

This is a very delicate subject, since in general woman are known to be emotional, and men tend to be emotionless. In reality a women wants a man with emotional depth, but she herself may not be at the level. The main reason, the relationship is based on fear. According to Don Miguel Ruiz. author of The Mastery of Love, he states, “When we are in a fear-based relationship or marriage it’s full of obligations. In the track of fear, whatever we do is because we have to do it, and we expect other people to do something because they have to do it. We have the obligation, and as soon we have to, we resist it. The more resistance we have, the more we suffer. He later goes on to say..”in a relationship there are two halves..your half and your spouse’s half. Of those halves, you are only responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half. So in essence, master the half you can control, and not the half you can’t.”

Escalating Conflict

You must agree how you will talk to your spouse when the storm of conflict arrives. Reduce the f-bombs when possible. Determine where and what time of day you will work out your conflicts. Seek a win-win solution by using such techniques as pro vs. con lists or 1-10 importance values. We use them in the boardroom, why not the bedroom?

Infidelity

When we think of protection, infidelity immediately is the first thing that comes to mind, but it’s usually other factors that cause infidelity to occur. Here are some things that you can do to minimize steppin’ out.

• Make a commitment to grow in your marriage (inside and out).
• Use positive talk to help aid the choices you make. Utilize a daily poem, a song, or prayer that helps you focus on importance of your marriage.
• Talk to your spouse about what actions are off-limits and make a pont not to get close to it. If you have ever been on a subway, or train, there is a big yellow line that says, “Please don’t cross.” (I guess Herman Cain never took the subway!)
• Find someone with integrity that will hold you accountable.

Time

This can be challenging especially for all the obligations you have to give to the kids, the job etc…Neglecting this protection mechanism can easily lead to the one I just mentioned.

Tip: Find at least 3 activities that the both of you enjoy doing and make a point to engage in at least one of them a week.

Friends and Family

Friends and family can implode your marriage from the inside-out if you don’t quickly respond to threats. Friends and family at times are very selfish and can impede upon your boundaries. Don’t let them under any circumstances derail your marriage with negative talk  or disrespectful actions toward your spouse.

If you give the “Gift of Protection’ to your spouse with these wonderfully wrapped bows on them, you will have a wonderful marriage filled with joy and peace.

Coach Keith