5 Ways To Remind Your Partner We Are Team.

Photo by Kameron Kincade on Unsplash

For some couples, the wedding has just ended and you are settling into your marriage routine. For others, you have been married for several years, you are all consumed by your kid’s activities and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on your relationship. But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team?

According to a 2014 study that was highlighted in this New York Times article, most of us don’t when it comes to having a decisive marriage. We just simply slide through our marriages and the major decisions we have to make in order to feel like we feel like a team. What’s interesting about this study is that most of us have probably been on a team one way or another; from our sports teams as children to our present work teams. We have always relied on other people to get the job done and to win.

So why doesn’t it translate when we get married? The main reason is our approach. We don’t utilize the team concept when it comes to our relationships. We usually come together because the people we are marrying usually best meet our individual needs, not necessarily the best team. So when we have conflict with our partner or when that partner does something that is far too damaging, we find it’s just easier to change partners.

Even I, who have played on teams almost all of my life, found it difficult to handle arguments with my wife. The main reason was that I focused more on my needs than our needs. One of our more famous stories that my wife usually tells at parties had to deal with one of our adventures to the grocery store to buy formula for our infant daughter, Olivia, 22 years ago. Yes, it’s still fresh. We would normally buy Enfamil with Iron, but on this day, I didn’t have enough money in my wallet to buy it, so stupidly, I just bought the regular Enfamil. Well, most of you know what happened next. My wife was furious that I would put my need to keep a few extra dollars in the bank before the families’ needs of making sure our daughter was healthy and go the best. So the next day, she bought the one most expensive high chairs in the store. What did I say about this? Nothing, because I knew I wasn’t living the team first concept.

Does the lack of a team approach reflect your marriage? If so, check out the 5 phrases to remind your spouse you are indeed a team.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win at The Game of Love. If you struggling with your spouse to communicate and work as a team and you need help click here for a free assessment.

10 Ways to Apply the Mamba Mentality To Your Life

This Monday, February 24th at 10:00 AM PT, thousands of mourners will gather at the Staples to honor Kobe Bryant, daughter Gianna and the others that perished in the helicopter on January 26, 2020.

Are you still feeling the loss about the fact they are gone and how it happened?

We always seem to react strongly to the death of a celebrity especially when someone dies before their time, or when they are about to reach superstardom like Aaliyah for instance.

What was most troubling is that Kobe was on the verge of a budding second career that was about to make him more popular than he was as a basketball player. Kobe was known for applying this “Mamba Mentality which meant despite his success, he was still on a continued quest to be the best version of himself whether it was in business, as a parent, or in life.

Are you struggling in your current job, or how you would like to create your mark in this world and you would like to do whatever it takes to separate yourself from the rest of the pack. Here are 10 Ways to develop that Mamba Mentality.

1. Have a champion mentality. (Be Driven)

Do whatever it takes to succeed in the endeavor you are passionate about. You have to give 100% fully to that thing.

2. Commit Fully

Study, take a course or read up on that thing you are passionate about. If it’s creating a podcast, get as many books, or watch as many videos on podcasting you can get. Talk to someone that has created a podcast in your field so you can hear the pitfalls.

3. Be a better leader

Having empathy and compassion for the people in your life personally and professionally. It will help you become a better communicator when you know the people in your life on a deeper level. People will understand that you are interested in their goals outside work. By acting as their coach or accountability partner, you build lasting relationships and a more loyal tribe.

4. Learn from Failures

In any given area, there are some landmines that you must avoid if you want to succeed. It’s your job to figure it out. If you do fall on one, how quickly do you get back up and go forward?

5. Be a Long Term Thinker.

The process of becoming great at something may not happen in a day, a week, a month or even a year, but if you keep working your passion and being curious about how to get better you will see results.

6. Challenge yourself to grow

Some of us feel we are already great at passion, so we don’t even think about trying to get better. Remember, change is constant. There are always new ideas being developed in your chosen passion. Seek them out in order to get better.

Jordan Strauss/AssociatedPress

 

7. Keep Going

Kobe Bryant learned this quote from one of his HS coaches, “Don’t rest in the middle, rest at the end.” When a thing that we are the most passionate about gets challenging, we quit or put it aside to pick up later. Don’t do that. Figure out how to get going. If you need to talk to a mentor, or a trusted friend, do that. Everyone needs encouragement.

8. Nurture your relationships

Don’t always seek out people that can help you get to where you want to go. There is a point where you will have to reach back and help someone that has the same passion you have but just isn’t as experienced.  Don’t hesitate to help them for fear they will take away your opportunities. There are more than enough clients, but there aren’t enough compassionate people.

9. Focus on One Thing

If you have many passions, decide which one you are going to focus on.  You will have time to go to the next one. It’s hard to have the mamba mentality if you are trying to do several different things all at once.

10. Have Fun

If you don’t enjoy what you are doing, then why are you? When you find that thing you are passionate about, do that.

Even though Kobe Bryant died before his time, we can honestly say he lived his life on his terms applying the Mamba Mentality way. His legacy is leaving his playbook of life so you can do the same. And that is what made Kobe great.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship and leadership coach and the author of In The Paint, how to win at the Game of Love. To contact him for a consultation, email him at info@keithdent.com

13 Ways to Show Your Girl You Love Her, When The Cash is Low!

Hey Single Men! Last night you may have met the one, but you know you will have to do something different to let her know your true feelings. Then you suddenly opened your Bank App and realized you might not have the funds to do so. So, are you going to still shy away from asking from taking your relationship to the next level romantically because you think you need a lot of money in order to take the woman you love out on the perfect kind of dates?

You don’t have to worry about that.

Get some great tips by clicking on this article 13 Cheap, Yet Fun Romantic Ideas to sweep her off her feet.

6 Step Plan To Get Your Husband Off the Bench and Into The Game.

Ladies! Has your frustration returned now that Valentine’s Day is over and your husband is back to chillin’ on the couch watching countless hours of sports.

Do you ever wonder what is it about sports that men love so much? If you are still befuddled by this question the next time you get in your car and go to the store, turn on your local sports radio station. You will hear grown men so excited and passionate about getting their point across about a sports moment that happened days before sometimes even years. These men will wait up to 30 minutes to make sure they do so.

Men love sports because it’s fun, spontaneous, thrilling and exciting. Isn’t that how you want your marriages to be? Often times it’s the opposite, boring, and predictable.

So what do you have to do to win at the Game of Love? Here is a 6-step game plan to get your marriage back on track.

1. Have a powerful slogan

Every season, teams that excel have powerful slogans to remind them of the goal of winning. In 2017, the Cleveland Cavaliers slogan for the playoffs was “Defend the Land”. So as a family you should come up with a slogan that defines who you are as a family and reminds each other why you are commitment.

2. Constantly reminding him his importance on the team.

On any given team, there players that don’t get a lot of credit, but are the essential to winning and losing. Your husband may be that guy. He may not be overly flashy, or the life of the party. He just gets the job done. You should remind him that his role is valuable and vital to your success as a couple.

3. To stay at the top takes work.

Your wedding with all the pomp and circumstance is like the ultimate championship game. Staying on top takes work, so you must challenge him not to get complacent. Treat your time together like practice where you learn new things about each other and make it routine.

4. Know when to call a time-out?

In any given game, you can feel the momentum shift to the other side. The coach will call a time-out in order for the team to rest, re-group and reassess the game plan.  You should do that in your marriage, especially if you feel the momentum shifting and it’s inevitable that they will. If you see your husband starts to become disengaged, no energy or just plain angry, or you aren’t happy. Don’t be afraid to call a time-out. If you let things go, you may lose.

5. Treat sex like a game.

Sex to a man is like a conquest. Treat it like one. In the bedroom, men feel great when you enjoy sex just as much as he does. It makes him feel accomplished. Overtime it gets harder and harder to set aside to enjoy this part of marriage. Do things like trash-talking (i.e. flirting), putting on your best outfit and creating a build-up to the main event.

6. Treat the kids like the rookies.

Your kids are just like tiny adults. They are going to need to understand the family slogan in order to thrive and excel. As co-captain of the team it’s the responsibility of both of you to give them the tools they will need to be successful. Make sure you challenge them, give them a voice and most of all have fun.

Working as a team is never easy. It takes commitment to a desired goal, discipline, motivation, trust and a few lucky bounces of the ball. By treating your marriage more like a game, your husband can truly understand the importance of his role and will work to win.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.

Gentleman, These 4 Words Will Diffuse Any Argument With Your Spouse!

Gentleman, have you ever noticed when your spouse comes to you with an issue, or she is mad about something? You offer her advice and how to handle the situation and she goes of on you? Well you aren’t using the right words. Here are the FOUR words that will help diffuse any argument and help keep the peace. Are you ready? Here they are!

 

 

A red help button isolated on a white background. 3D render with HDRI lighting and raytraced textures.

 

If you have trouble saying these words to you spouse and you would like to explore why, please hit me up at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

7 Reasons Why Your Relationship is Like Playing In The Paint!

If you have ever watched, or played a basketball game, there is a place on the court that is called “The Paint.” It’s the rectangular area on the court contained within the key. The key is the area that encompasses the middle of the floor underneath the basket. It is often shaded, which explains the origin of the word, and always has a semi-circle attached on the short side opposite the basket.

In a basketball game this is the area where the big boys play. It’s also one of the most important areas on the basketball court. There is lots of bumping, shoving, and pushing in the paint. It’s also the place where you can get rebounds and score easy baskets. If you can’t master this area in a basketball game, you are less likely to win.

Being in a marriage there is similar to Playing In the Paint. In marriage, there are seven qualities that make it similar to this important part of basketball.

1. When You Play in the Paint, you have to know your strengths. Dennis Rodman knew he was a great rebounder, and he worked on his craft to make sure he was an asset to his team. In marriage, you need to know your strengths as well as the strength of your partner, to ensure you are pushing each other to be their best self.
2. When You Play in the Paint, you have to be able to trust your teammate. The Boston Celtics of the 80’s are considered one of the top frontcourt tandem of all time. They had ferocious grace and skill, but their best characteristic was they had each other’s back on the court. When you are marriage, you are competing against so much; work, the kids, outside pressures, that you have to be able to trust each other no matter what.
3. When You Play in the Paint you will get angry. Some of the biggest fights, visible or not will happen in the painted area. It happens when you are in close proximity to each other. Marriage is no different. You are in close proximity to you spouse for the rest of you life. It’s normal. The most important part is how you handle your anger.
4. When You Play in the Paint you have to be able to talk. It’s the job of the other team to screen and shield you from their player, so they can score. In order to play defense effectively, you will have to be able to communicate. In marriage, communication is the lifeblood to any marriage in order to establish goals and avoid any obstacles that may get in the way of being fulfilled,
5. When You Play in the Paint you create an identity. The Detroit Pistons of the 90’s where also called the BAD BOYS, because they were known for playing hard nosed basketball and inflicting pain on their court to help provide and edge. In marriage, you want to create a set of core beliefs and principles that you will live by. This will clearly help move in the same direction as your marriage progresses. It was also help you establish a set of principles to pass down once the kids arrive.
6. When You Play in the Paint  you have to be able to defend. Akeem Olajuwon and Ralph Sampson, aka The Twin Towers, made it almost impossible for offiensive players to score down low. In marriage you have to have a great defense if you are going to make it. In this instance, defense means the ability to handle your finances. If you struggle in this area, you will struggle in marriage.
7. When You Play in the Paint you develop a special bond. The chemistry among the members that play in the paint can be very fulfilling. This play is taken for granted in a typical basketball game today, since centers are no longer the focal point of the team. In reality, these players are the unsung heroes of any team. In marriage, your sexual bond, is very important, but it is often taken for granted especially when the children, your career and take precedent. By paying attention to this important aspect can help you keep your marriage fresh and interesting.

 

Excerpts from this blog is taken from Coach Keith’s upcoming new book In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love. If you are interested reserving your copy, e-mail him at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

 

 

Four Ways to Treat Your Husband Like His Favorite NBA Player.

Have you ever wondered when you ask your man a question, or ask him to express his opinion on an important family topic, he gives you the deer in head lights look? In fact wives often feel ignored by their husbands. “He just says mm-hmm, as if he’s listening to me while I’m talking and he’s watching sports.”  Why does this occur? This may be due to how the majority of men are raised.

Sports is a place where men begin to experiment true intimacy. According to William Pollack, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, sports do at least one thing that other activities don’t do. They offer an easily accessible arena in which society’s structures about masculinity are loosened. It is here on the playing field, in the locker room, on the court that boys can show unbounded expression and can be emotionally intimate with other males. They can hug, cry and chest bump without a moment’s worth of self-consciousness.

Sports also give you a clear idea where you stand in the pecking order. You know you are considered one of the best players on the team based on the fact that you are a starter. Their coach, or even their teammates selected them to be captain, which is one of the highest honors you can have as a young man. In shows him he is entrusted with the responsibility of lifting his teammates spirits when the obstacles become challenging.

As he gets older, those actions and feelings lessen as he transitions to manhood and join the ranks of the adult world of work and family. Your man will find other ways to maintain those exuberant feelings by becoming a rabid sports fan. The sports team he began watching as a kid somehow becomes part of his make-up, as if he is part of the team. He will follow every news article, Twitter feed, and sports talk show to keep up with the . When their teams win, they celebrate with them. When their teams lose, they take it harder than the players do.

So if your husband is into sports, you have to treat your marriage like it’s his favorite NBA player and use certain terminology that he will be able to understand.

Treat your man like he is the #1 pick.

When LeBron James was selected as the #1 pick by the Cleveland Cavaliers, he single-handedly transformed the city over night. On the night he was selected, they showered the Gund arena in Cleveland with glitter instead of torn tickets thrown in frustration from the upper deck. People stood and cheered. They hugged. They held up LeBron promotional fliers. Concession workers began selling James” wine- and-gold Cavaliers” jersey at $50 a pop.

It was excited because even though Cleveland hadn’t won a championship yet, LeBron represented Chance. Hope. Faith.

When you choose to say “I Do”, you are in essence telling your husband that he is the #1 pick and together you will be able to create a stable environment for you and your family during good times and bad. It will be essential that you create an All-In mentality, which means establishing mutual goals the two of you will work to achieve.

Know his strengths and weaknesses.

Elite players in any sport understand what they believe to be their strengths and their weaknesses. What they do is  focus on playing to their strengths and improving their short comings. Part of making your husband feel comfortable is understanding his personality. The difference between dating and marriage is the fact that not only will you see his greatness, but also his idiosyncrasies. If some of those negative tendencies don’t mesh with the culture you are trying to establish as a team, there will be conflict. If you don’t address the conflict, you team can become disbanded before it really starts.

Establish a circle of trust.

Michael Jordan didn’t win a championship until his 7th year in the NBA. One of the biggest reasons was because he didn’t trust his teammates.

In an 1991 article in the Baltimore Sun, Horace Grant explained why it was so hard for Michael to get over this hurdle. “When we first got here, he didn’t have the confidence in us for us to make the big shots,” Grant said. “But since we’ve grown over the years together, he knows that in order for us to become champions, he’s got to get everybody involved. He has confidence in us, so that’s enabled us to go to the basket a lot stronger and not worry about missing shots and things.”

In a marriage, there are no words more important that trust. In a marriage, trust is one of the most powerful forms of motivation, and inspiration. Your spouse wants to be trusted. He responds to your trust. He thrives on your trust. Whatever your situation, you have to be good at establishing, extending and restoring trust. – not as a means of manipulation, but as the most effective way of relating to and working with each other.

Sometimes during a game you have to call a Time out.

Timeouts are a crucial part of a basketball game and can be the difference between going home with a win or a loss. Every team must learn at what stage of the game their time-out will have the best impact for success. There are several reasons why you may need to call a time out. You might have loss confidence in each other, you might just need to talk about establishing a different strategy as a couple, or you just may need a break from the pressures of marriage and family.

Calling a timeout in your marriage will never show up over the course of your marriage journey, but it will still have an enormous impact.. Of course,not realizing you need a timeout also have an enormous impact as well. Remember it’s your team it’s your call!

Utilizing these simple concepts in your marriage can have an enormous impact on your husband and can be the difference between success and failure. Especially if he is a sports fan.

If you having challenges reaching your husband and need help, inbox me at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com. Some of these concepts are covered in Coach Keith’s upcoming new book In the Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.