Sometimes we don’t always know the right words to say that truly captures how we feel.
As part of relationship gratitude day 29, recite, or transcribe to your partner your favorite poem that captures exactly how they feel about them.
I am enclosing one of my favorite poems by Khalil Gibran on Marriage. I hope you enjoy.
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Take stock in your health and your partner’s health.
If you, or your partner hasn’t had a check-up in a while, ask each other why?
If you hear any of these answers, it might be time to make an appointment.
- I believe that if I ignore it, it will go away
- I don’t want the doctor to tell me something I don’t want to hear
- It’s just not the time to be sick, there’s no time on my schedule
- I really can’t stand anything to do with going to the doctor and I associate doctors with weakness.
By getting a check up every year, you can detect illnesses sooner like cancer and diabetes.
Be thankful for the gift of good health and acknowledge the struggles of those who are not as healthy.
If you have been married long enough, you have been in a “sexless marriage” at some point in your life. If you are still at that point, acknowledge it and work with your partner to change.
Remember how you just had to look at each other. Soon your clothes would be flying off and you would be banging each so hard inaudible sounds were coming out of your mouth.
As a couple, decide what sort of foreplay, or flirtatious acts you need to do for the day in order to guarantee you will have sex this evening.
If you are struggling with getting back on the bike. Here are some tips that will spice up the evening as mentioned by the Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute and author of such books The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; The Relationship Cure; Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.
1. Go to a movie this week, sit at the back of the movie theater, and make out as if you were teenagers again.
2. Surprise your partner this week at work with a bouquet of flowers and tell them how much you appreciate them.
3. Take time touching each other with the rule that there will be no intercourse, only pleasuring one another. See if you can resist your partner.
4. Make playful bets over the course of the day with your partner. The winners get exactly what they want from their partner.
5. Play a game of strip poker with your partner this tonight.
6. Watch a movie together tonight that has a passionate sex scene. Half way through the scene, pause the movie and make love.
7. Unplug all electronic devices for the evening and just talk to one another. Try to be a good listener. Remember, better friends make better lovers.
I would love to hear how this worked for you minus the intricate details.
In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of Black Friday, go out and buy a gift for your spouse.
Even during such a chaotic event as shopping today, your partner will appreciate that you were thinking about them.
Here is a tip. Buy something sexy in preparation for tomorrow’s relationship gratitude day.
On Thanksgiving Day, you can either take a few moments to get away from family and friends, or just acknowledge it in front of the everyone around the dinner table. Take time voice from the bottom of your heart how thankful you are for your partner.
At this point, it should be very easy to find a reason why you are thankful, if not let me know and I will help you flesh out a few things.
A special shout-out goes to my dad. Today is his birthday. Happy Birthday DAD!
Happy Thanksgiving everybody.
If you know someone who has been married 30 plus years, you understand they have achieved something that is very rare these days. The great thing about that it’s all about the journey that the two of them have been through. Over the course of the holiday weekend, send a note to a couple that inspired you to work at achieving greatness in your marriage. Send a note, treat them to coffee, or better yet take them to dinner. Your generosity will boost their energy and mood.
For example, my parents have been married 44 years and they are still very much in love as evident by their recent vacation picture. I strive everyday to stay plugged into my spouse, like my parents do.
How has couple that has been married a long time inspired you in your relationship?
As part pf relationship gratitude day 22, e-mail or someone who has helped keep your marriage strong. During your relationship journey we all need other friends or couples in our life that can provide insight when we things get difficult.
If you have married couples in your circle who are struggling, here are some things that might help them get on the right track.
- Offer to baby-sit. Most couples face the additional expense and inconvenience of securing a sitter to watch children when they are trying to reconnect. Volunteer baby-sitting eases the financial and emotional stress of leaving the children.
- Make dinner. While serving as a concreted reminder of your support, bringing dinner frees both partners from one more responsibility on an already difficult day.
- Invite the couple to play games. Play reminds couples there will be life after struggling. Include them in a game night. Invite them for a barbecue. Meet for a hike. Enjoy a movie together. Caring friends help make the time endurable.
- Provide opportunities for listening – man to man, woman to woman. Ask the husband to play tennis or the wife to go for a walk. Have her ride in your car while you run errands. Let him hold the light while you change the oil in the car. These conversations validate each partner’s need to sort through their experience out loud, in a safe and confidential environment, outside the presence of the partner. Your advice is not needed; in fact, it may not be helpful at all. The best advice comes from trained professionals. But a listening ear can help each partner process what he or she is learning.
- Encourage. Frequently remind your friend of the courage he or she displays by facing and overcoming their difficulty. Remind them that this troubled season will pass. Send cards. Drop notes. Make phone calls. The healing process seems long to an observer; imagine how much longer it feels to those involved! “There are days when a card in the mail gave a couple courage to face another week.” It may mean the difference between perseverance and divorce.
In our relationships we do jobs everday. It may be something as simple as making sure your children have lunch everyday, or as important as making sure the bills get paid on time. Those jobs often go without a thank you. Today, that will change. Find 3 jobs, or things that your partner may feel is mostly thankless and acknowledge them for it.
Either way, showing appreciation for those thankless things he/she does today, will warm their heart in every way.
Post thankful expressions or notes of thanks in visible locations around the house. Posting visible expressions of gratitude according to fellow blogger Les Visible is like leaving good footprints.
There is no hiding place. I sometimes wonder about how many people there are who are running from their footprints. The problem is that your footprints follow you. Good footprints can wipe out bad footprints by changing the person leaving the footprints into one unrecognizable from before. You can even leave deeper imprints.
Start off the week of Thanksgivng by leaving some prints.
~ Coach Keith
For the past 18 days, we have spent a lot of time poring into our spouse with affectionate heart-felt words, but it’s the weekend, time to take action.
Today’s action, go on a date with your partner. Try and do something different. Ask your partner what is one thing you would like to do together that we haven’t done. Remember, by planning an event for your partner, you are showing him/her their feelings matter.
Don’t forget that if you have kids, make sure you secure a baby-sitter as soon as possible.