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Tag Archives: infidelity

Why Are We So Consumed by Infidelity?

We as a society may be consumed by Infidelity because couples have a difficult time answering these questions that are about to be examined in Esther Perel’s new book The State of Affairs.  The book goes on sale this Tuesday.

  1. Are we still passionately in love with our spouse?
  2. Are there some fulfillments that even a good marriage can’t provide?
  3. Do erotic desires sometime trump emotional needs?
  4. Is it okay to love more than one person?
  5. Are we a nation that can no longer be monogamous?

 

These are just some of the questions that are affecting our ability to step beyond the boundary of marriage.

What other challenges do you think we face as a society?

 

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Posted by on October 6, 2017 in Question of the Day, Uncategorized

 

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The 3 B’s to Restoring Her Trust!

The 3 B’s to Restoring Her Trust!

How many times have you betrayed your spouse’s trust. If I asked you that question, you probably would say, “Only a few times, but it wasn’t that bad.” Man, you are fooling yourself.

If I asked your spouse, she would proabably surprise you with the the number of times you have betrayed her. There are instances she just didn’t mention, because it was expected.

One major reason is that we gain our spouse’s trust through our action and not our words. How many times have we missed the boat on that (me included). It could be as simple as forgetting to lock the doors at night, or something more egregious like cheating on your spouse.

Trust must become a verb in your life. What you say will not have the impact you want if there isn’t action behind it. You can tell you wife, you are working on compromising, but if you continue to undermine her point-of-view then you come across as insincere. You can say you put her first, but if you don’t do them, your word have little meaning and trust is destroyed.

Believe you can change.

Countless marriage have been saved, even transformed when the person that violated the trust was able to restore it. It take a change in mindset. It will help if it become a sense of purpose and you spare no effort to please your wife and enjoy her.

Build up the Trust Bank

You have destroyed trust by withdrawing from the trust bank, now you have to put it back. This may take longer than you expect. One reason is the usually the withdrawals are larger than the deposits you put back in and your deposit may also not have a great a value a you realize. For example, if you have the tendency to be late for events that involve your spouse, then all of sudden you turn that around and start to come on time, you may expect a thing to be all good. What you fail to realize is you not coming on time, may mean something deeper than you know yet.

Be patient

And above all else, try not make anymore withdrawals that will erode the progress have already made.

Over the next few week we will examine 13 plays you must do to build back her trust.

If you feel you have exhausted all of your opportunities and you still haven’t regained her trust, contact me at info@strive2succceedcoaching.com. We will come up with a game plan get her trust back and have the relationship you want and need.

 

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2016 in In the Trenches

 

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A May-December Romance – A Tragic Love Story!

V. Stiviano and Los Angeles Clippers owner, Donald Sterling had a May-December romance that has gone tragically wrong. Ms. Stiviano was being sued by his ex-wife even though she was aware of their arrangement. Mr. Sterling’s remarks about his feelings about African Americans was recorded which led him to being banned by the NBA for life. 

Read more here on why this love story went tragically wrong. 

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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When a kiss is more than a kiss! (Beyond Parenthood)

I usually don’t blog about the latest events on TV unless absolutely necessary, but a show that I watch had a very important topic that I felt my fellow Strivers would want to discuss.

In last night’s episode of Parenthood, Julia Braverman-Graham, played by Erika Christenson, best known for playing the crazy young Madison Bell on Swimfan confesses to her husband, Joel Graham (Sam Jaeger) that she was kissed by Ed (David Denman from The Office).

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What struck me about the issue was the raw emotion that was portrayed when a partner s feelings that their marriage isn’t right becomes realized when the truth is revealed by the other.

Later in the episode, as Julia attempts to reconcile with her husband and to “fix” things as she so often does mentions that she has contacted a marriage counselor for help. Joel vehemently admits that counseling isn’t necessary. He states, “No, I don’t want to see a marriage counselor because the problem isn’t the marriage, the problem is you!” “Ever since you lost your job, I don’t even know who you are.” He ends with, “You want to fix it, but I don’t think it can be fixed.”

http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/video/can-this-marriage-be-saved/n44863

Powerful words coming from the man who originally wasn’t the breadwinner in the family due to his wife’s profile job, but was given the opportunity to do step up and he paid for it.

One item I would like to discuss was that he felt that his wife hadn’t been the same since she lost her job, but he never discussed it with her?

Should he have done so? If that happened in your relationship, how would you have address the life change?

 
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Posted by on January 10, 2014 in Parenthood

 

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5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 2 (Integrity)

integrity

In part 2 of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by example is dealing with integrity. As parent, we can’t always choose the type of influence we have on our kids. We can influence them negatively, or positively. So the best thing we can do is to remain true to ourselves. But we must realize how our integrity plays a part in influencing their lives.

Integrity to our spouse. 

In your wedding vows, you usually shout, or some of you reluctantly utter these words, “I take you to be my husband or wife to death do us part.” Currently, only a little more than  half of us take that part of our vows seriously. We live in a society that says, “If it’s broke, don’t fix it, get a new model.”

There may be circumstances that you choose as the reason to get divorce, but you may be showing your kids that if it’s okay to quit divorce, then it’s okay to quit almost anything in your life.

When we decide to get married and then move on to have a family, we are making not only a promise to our wife/husband, but to our kids that we will do whatever it takes to keep the family intact. Since we as human beings aren’t perfect and make mistakes, we may have to work very hard to ensure our children that we won’t  hold those mistakes against our spouses.  

Integrity in our promises to our kids.

Another way our kids learn about integrity is when we make promises to our kids. If we promise to take them on vacation, attend their extra-curricular activity, check their homework, we better keep those promises. When we break them, it shows our kids that integrity isn’t important and it chips away at the type of integrity they should have for themselves. .

Integrity for people in authority.

Finally, the way we talk about people in authority; our President, our public officials, our bosses show our children the type of integrity we have for them. We can teach our kids about integrity not just by what we say, but what we don’t say. Has there ever been a time where your kids repeated something negative you said about someone else?

Are you living a life of integrity for your kids? As an iLoveStrong reader, what are some changes do you have to make to ensure you do?

 

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Why are people having affairs, their sex lives are unhealthy.

There are many reasons why people are having affairs. According to private investigators featured in Friday Night’s 20/20 Caught in a Bad Romance,  they see just as many women as men stepping out on their partners.  Several reasons people have affairs are for excitement, adventure, revenge, companionship, attention or just plain lust. In essence the reason for the affair can be wrapped up in one single sentence. MY RELATIONSHIP ISN’T HEALTHY, THEREFORE MY SEX LIFE ISN’T HEALTHY.

In our society, sex is considered the pinnacle of our relationships. An excellent article on WEBMD’s website reflects the reasons why people have sex. It’s mostly around selfish reasons and not for the good of the relationship. In reality, sex should be used as a barometer for the relationship, not the indicator. Your sex lives should be good and healthy because your relationship reflects the same thing. On the flip side, if your sex life is one-sided, it’s because your relationship is also one-sided. Let me make something clear, I didn’t say sex should be plentiful. If you have a family and a job, the odds that you are “hittin’ it” every night or every weekend for that matter is unrealistic. But when you do have sex, it should be enjoyable and satisfying for both you and your partner.

In the book Rescuing your Love Life  by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, the Hebrew word for “having sex” means “to know”.  In order to have a healthy sex life, you must truly know your partner.

How do you truly know the person you wake up next to every day? Over the next four days, we will examine how you must know your partner in the most intimate way, absent from fear, shame, hurt, or guilt. So we can get back to having healthy sex lives.

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2012 in Healthy Sex Life

 

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Strive 2 Succeed’s Favorite Things – Gift of Perseverance

As we are headed into the homestretch before Christmas there is some alarming things going on! Folks are giving out ‘gifts of divorce’ for Christmas. I’m not surprised that this is happening, but I am surprised right before the holidays.

In the past couple of weeks Kobe & Vanessa stated they were ending their marriage, and just this past weekend Deion Sanders let all of his FB friends know that he would be single this Christmas. Celebrities aren’t the only one’s getting divorced. I just heard of an acquaintance of mine that was headed to divorce court. It’s already stressful enough deciding what to get the kids for the holidays, you are also going to add the fact that you also will be staying in a different house.

Divorce is not on Strive 2 Succeed’s list. Coach Keith is giving out the gift of perseverance as one of his favorite things.

Anyone can begin the marathon of marriage, but it takes great perseverance to finish one.  We quit when things get difficult, so the difficulty wins and we lose.  When we keep at something in spite of the difficulties we encounter, we’re beginning to win!

It’s similar to owning a home, when you first open the front door for the very first time, it’s a wonderful thing. You can’t wait to decorate it, add new furniture and have your first party. As the years go by, and you live in your home long enough, things start to break down, or even worse your house suffers major damage due to a natural disaster. Do we abandon our homes? No! We salvage what we can until we rebuild. We perservere. Marriage should be the same way.

Marriage and other close relationships require perseverance. In the beginning marriage is great. Left to itself, a marriage will wind down and the couple will drift apart. As soon as that storm of constant arguing, or infidelity, the natural disaster of marriage, lands in your marriage, we  cut our losses.

It takes perseverance to keep a marriage, or any relationship, alive and growing deeper. For Christmas and in 2012, I challenge those of us who are married to persevere at making it work. If you have allowed yourselves to drift away from saying nice things to each other, treating each other with respect, making each other laugh, and providing delightful moments for each other? It’s never too late to turn things around. We all know our mates very well. Think of just three things you could say or do that would please your mate.

 

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2011 in My Favorite Things, Uncategorized

 

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