Letter to My Younger Married Self

Dear 29-Year old Keith,

Tomorrow when you wake up you’re going to have a brand new title Mr. Keith Dent married man to Priscilla Gordon. I know that you have already been dating for a year and a half, but this will be different.

The vows that you just echoed to all of your guests at the wedding will take on a meaning that you can’t even comprehend.

Your view of marriage will be challenged many times over. It will make you question your choices, but in reality it will make you question your abilities as a husband and a father.You are used to a patriarchal marriage that was full of energy and was captain of the ship. Your wife will not share these same views. She’s an independent woman who was raised to speak her mind when things look  out of whack and she will do so often. Don’t worry, it will be for your own good. Even after twenty years of marriage she will still continue to reiterate that you were the only man she would’ve married.

With that said, here are five things you will have to look forward to in your marriage journey.

Sharing in Caring.

This is maybe the most important thing you will learn. You’re wife is very generous, especially with the people she loves. She will expect the same from you.This will be evident when she buys you a honey bun as a surprise.When you eat the whole thing without offering her a bite, it won’t taste so good.

Your expectations as a husband will change.

Her strength and upbringing  will be an advantage especially when you figure out that corporate America isn’t for you. When you take that job delivering papers to support your family she will never look down on you. She will support you every step of the way. She will embrace your hard work and will do her part because teamwork makes the dream work.

Your children will challenge you in so many ways.

When you were growing up, your dad was the true leader of the family. He was the breadwinner, the planner and the disciplinarian. When he spoke, you listened. But, when you were younger you didn’t develop your own voice. You won’t have to worry about that when it comes to YOUR kids. They will laugh at you and question almost everything you say. Be prepared to teach and coach. It will be worth it. Your children will be your biggest legacy.

You will learn conflict and love are part of the deal. 

When you first meet your wife’s family, especially her sisters you will be thoroughly entertained. They can be loud, opinionated and most of all competitive. They will never let you live down the times they beat you down in a game of Taboo and Street Fighter. Even though they fight with each other, you won’t be able speak ill of any of them. They will teach you that conflict is okay and that’s what being in a family is all about.

She will help you laugh at yourself.

You are going to end up making so many silly mistakes from going to concerts on the wrong night to not remembering when summer camp for your youngest son is two years in a row. Your wife will know how you beat yourself up over these things. She will help you laugh at yourself. You live, you laugh, you learn and you buy Luvs will be one of her favorite sayings.

All in all your marriage will be one of the most important fulfilling relationships you will ever have. It’s a tremendous blessing that you met Priscilla at Jasper’s wedding. Look forward to twenty more years of a wonderful journey.

Sincerely,

49-year-old, Keith

Your Marriage Can Say a Lot In a Picture!

What does this picture say about Marriage?

What components do you need in your marriage, so you can insert you and your spouse’s face on these two figures?

S2S Question of the Day!! Mother-in-Law Drama.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Monday.  I ran across this article this morning about a man that was desperate to get his mother-in-law out of the house to save his marriage.

So I figured, I would get the ball rolling this morning as the question of the day.

Would you request your mother-in-law get out of your house if it meant saving your marriage?

I would love to hear your responses?

 

S2S Song of the Night – Daughters -John Mayer

My heart is a little heavy this evening. PG is leaving on Thursday to support a friend who lost her niece last week. She was just a senior in high school.

As I think about her and the recent death of Avonte Oquendo, it helps me to realize that the relationship between PG and me, not only extends to the two of us, but to our kids as well. If our relationship isn’t strong, it will affect how we relate with our kids.

Sometimes, divorce is inevitable, but if you have a plan for raising your children, they can thrive. On this night, I will think of the young girl the way John Mayer sings about it in ‘Daughters’

She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

RIP Syn and Avonte

Coach Keith

Mature Love has no surprises – 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot. – Part 1

In order to determine if you have love that is mature, you have to realize that your partner will bring his or her own ideas about to relate to others in the day-to-day course of your lives. You’ve had your own ideals on what marriage and partnership should be like, unless you lived together. I can also venture a guess that you never discussed your ideas with one another and expected that your marriage bond would just automatically make things perfect.

So take this time to answer Part 1 of these questions.  Decide if you AGREE or DISAGREE with these statements and if you can do it separately, that would be great.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

1.Work will always take precedence over relaxing together.

2. A platonic friendship with an ex is harmless as long as we’ve met each other.

3. It’s important to have close friends in common.

4. Holidays are times when extended family should gather.

5. Birthday and anniversary celebrations are important.

6. Entertaining is fun

7. It’s important to socialize with a spouse’s work colleagues.

8. It’s important to live close to your families.

9. When a family or close friends visit from out-of-town, they should expect to stay at your home, as long as you have room.

10. Your door is always open to family and close friends, even if they don’t call in advance.

Look forward to Part 2.

Coach Keith

 

 

Keith Dent is the CEO of Strive 2 Succeed Coaching. He works  with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world.

She Said/He Said – an Entrepreneurial Dillemma

This weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a two-day Father/Son basketball camp with my oldest son. There were many dad’s that were there either trying to reclaim their youth or was just excited to spend some quality time with their son. For me it was a little bit of both.

While at breakfast, I struck up a conversation with Ronald, a fellow Jerseyan about his statistics. You know, where are you from, what do you do, etc…What was fascinating to me was not what he did for a living, but what he gave up. Ronald was an accomplished, self-taught IT entrepreneur that worked for Charles Schwab for 20 years until he was recently laid off. He decided to go out on his own and after a few months and was making the same money just working 3 days a week. When he wasn’t working he would spend his free time on his motorcycle, taking care of the kids, or doing what IT people do, play on the computer. He felt things were going well.

His wife on the other hand didn’t view his career choice the same way. She was a successful accountant that worked very hard 5 days a week. Even though her husband felt he was doing well, she felt that he wasn’t working hard enough, especially when she saw how much fun he was having. She felt that if he could earn the same amount of money working just 3 days a week, imagine if he worked every day. This was a source of conflict for them as couple. Ultimately he gave up his entrepreneurial dreams and went back to a 9 to 5.

In this post of  He Said/She Said who do you feel was right?

Should the husband have stuck to his guns and maintained his business?

Or, the wife for wanting him to have more structure and work as many hours as she was.

Fun Friday – The reason to take the 5 for $5 Admiration Challenge

On this Fun Friday, here is the major reason why husbands will have to take the 5 for $5 Admiration Challenge this Mother’s Day. You can’t compete with Lil Joey!

To all my iLoveStrong Mother’s, have a great Mother’s Day!

Coach Keith

5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 4 (Giving)

Part 4 of our 5 part series of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by your example has to do with Giving.

One of the most important ways, that our kids will follow our example is how we Give.

Our kids at an early age understand the word Get, especially when they see us purchase anything we want, or if anytime they ask for something and we buy it for them.

What we truly don’t understand is that our kids truly enjoy how much we give them versus how much we get them.

Let me explain. There are three crucial things that we can give, that will carry over into their own marriages when they have kids.

When you give them Thanks

Our kids will watch us, especially when you give thank them. Our kids feel empowered when we thank them for doing something out of the ordinary, or even more simply for being themselves. This will be helpful as our kids get to their teen years because their identity is constantly being challenged. If they get a sense from you that you value who they are it will provide confidence and self-esteem.

When you give them Time.

This is also  important, but can be very challenging. Uninterrupted time is something we take for granted, but what our kids cherish the most. Imagine, if you gave each of your kids 1 hour of devoted time every day for them to do whatever they wanted. That can be a challenge for anyone. One thing, my wife and I do is give each of our children their own vacation by themselves. I can say, those opportunities have been the most memorable for all of them and it has truly allowed us to know them as individuals.

When you show them how to give out of your wallet.

By donating to a cause you believe in, whether it be your church or a non-profit organization it will help your kids understand that earning a living doesn’t mean that you buy things just for yourself. You should systematically sacrifice it to give to others in need.

 

More important to give things than to have things.

When show them how to give of yourself.

Your kids will definitely watch how you extend yourself to neighbors. Take the time to get to know them, at least their names, and their children’s names. At some point, invite them over to dinner. You will be amazed how beneficial this will be for your neighbors; for your kids and even to you.

 

5 Lessons of about your Marriage kids learn by your example: Part 1(Love)

Believe it or not, our kids are learning about marriage through our example, and not what we say about marriage. With that said, this new 5-part series will focus on how we can teach kids the keys to a strong marriage by the examples we show them in our own marriage.

The first way of course is by how we LOVE. Saying, “I Love you.” isn’t enough especially since our children go through several stages of development.

When a child is an infant, you need to show love immediately and it needs to come from both parents. Since they haven’t begun to talk yet, it’s important that they get to know your both your voices, you both hold them and you both take the time to interact with them.

Around age 2, you will need to discipline them as a part of love. If you train the child early and often, hopefully they will continue to live the lessons you have taught them when you are apart.

At around age 10, you children learn the importance of your love when you spend time with them. If there are certain activities/interests you see that your children are passionate about, do as much as possible to acknowledge their passion and promote opportunities to follow it.

When your kids reach the pre-teen level their mode of thinking tends to be black/white? the love you show for your spouse will really be important because that will be the time when kids are trying to form positive relationships themselves. Showing your spouse outward displays of Love in a respectful way will help them to model how they should be treated as they enter their relationships.

So the #iLoveStrong question for the day is, what outwardly ways do you show your children that you Love them and your spouse?

Coach Keith

iLoveStrong’s Top Super Bowl Commercials

Here are the top 5 iLoveStrong Commercials that I liked during the Super Bowl.

 1. Dodge Ram – God made a Farmer. This commercial represents everything iLoveStrong is all about.

2. Clydesdales Brotherhood: Budweiser – iLoveStrong liked the connection between breeder and horse.

3. Doritos – Fashionista Daddy – iLoveStrong loves Dads that play with their daughters, even if it’s for some chips.

4. Audi – Prom. iLoveStrong loves when you just go for it. It reminded me of my Junior Prom. My dad should have given me an Audi..I might have kissed the girl I wanted to.

5. Volkswagon – Get In, Get Happy – iLoveStrong believes in having fun, not taking yourself seriously and living in the moment.

Honorable Mention:

Taco Bell – Viva Young. – iLoveStrong loved this commercial. It was just plain funny.

What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial?