S2S Song of the Night – Daughters -John Mayer

My heart is a little heavy this evening. PG is leaving on Thursday to support a friend who lost her niece last week. She was just a senior in high school.

As I think about her and the recent death of Avonte Oquendo, it helps me to realize that the relationship between PG and me, not only extends to the two of us, but to our kids as well. If our relationship isn’t strong, it will affect how we relate with our kids.

Sometimes, divorce is inevitable, but if you have a plan for raising your children, they can thrive. On this night, I will think of the young girl the way John Mayer sings about it in ‘Daughters’

She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

RIP Syn and Avonte

Coach Keith

S2S song of the Night – Hey Laura! Gregory Porter – Missed Opportunities

When it comes to love & relationships, we miss out on so many opportunities and there are 7 reasons why?

1. We get desperate and settle.
2.We go for Mr. Wrong and we let Mr. Right pass us by.
3. We get caught up into the game and not the reality.
4. We want it all too soon.
5. We are afraid. Can this really be true.
6. We expected too much.
7. If only we could change him/her a little to fit what we need.

The type of mistakes may cause you to feel how Gregory Porter feels about Laura. If that is you check out Coach Keith and schedule a chat session.

Hey Laura it’s me sorry but I had to ring your doorbell so late

But there’s something bothering me I really am sorry but it just couldn’t wait
Is there someone else instead of me go ahead and lie to me
And I will believe your not in love with him
And this bloke can see, that the rivers of your love flow up here to me

S2S Song of the Night – Just Get Home!

With Snowpocalypse Part 2 hitting the Northeast today. You are not worried about the snowstorm all night. You are just worried that your partner gets home safe. If they have entered already. Tell them, ” I am glad that you get home safely.”

If not, think of these words that were sung so beautifully by Oleta Adams.

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway.
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert(blizzard) like an(a) Arab(Snow) man
I don’t care how you get here, just – get here if you can

Have a great night..I hope everyone got home safely.

Coach Keith

Mature Love has no surprises – 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot. – Part 2

I hope you had a stimulating conversation with your partner around 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot – Part 1. Today we will explore list the final 11 questions that will help gain clarity on the type of marriage/relationship you want to have with your partner.

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here! The questions are designed to generate discussion to a stronger relationship. Write if you AGREE or DISAGREE with each statement.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

11. If the phone rings, you should stop what you’re doing and answer it, even if you are eating dinner, talking with your partner, watching a movie together or cuddling.

12. If a close friend needs money, you open your wallet, no questions asked.

13. Casual flirting at parties is harmless.

14. You should feel free to discuss problems in your marriage with a close friend or family member whom you trust.

15. You enjoy receiving spontaneous invitations to go out with friends.

16. It’s okay if your partner invites a friend to your home without asking you.

17. It’s okay for you or your partner to have friends with the opposite sex.

18. You prefer vacationing with friends rather than as a couple.

19. You can’t bear to disappoint your mother.

20 If your parents lend you money to buy a home, they should have a say in your purchase.

21. Your spouse should always comes first, no matter what.

Now that you have completed both parts of the exercise, talk about one’s you agreed with and discuss why you gave your particular answer. This will strengthen unity prior to the big day. Then discuss the one’s where your answers were different. Decide which partner will go first and give them ample time to explain their answer without interruption.

The role of this exercise is to acknowledge the areas where you have agreements and disagreements, and get into the habit of talking about how you will live your daily lives given the information each of you provided.

When couples can embrace their differences, they can more easily face conflict without putting a wedge between their marriage.

Don’t let a few differences keep you from having the marriage you truly want. Coach Keith can help empower your marriage.

“Create your future from your future, not your past” – Werner Erhard

Mature Love has no surprises – 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot. – Part 1

In order to determine if you have love that is mature, you have to realize that your partner will bring his or her own ideas about to relate to others in the day-to-day course of your lives. You’ve had your own ideals on what marriage and partnership should be like, unless you lived together. I can also venture a guess that you never discussed your ideas with one another and expected that your marriage bond would just automatically make things perfect.

So take this time to answer Part 1 of these questions.  Decide if you AGREE or DISAGREE with these statements and if you can do it separately, that would be great.

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1.Work will always take precedence over relaxing together.

2. A platonic friendship with an ex is harmless as long as we’ve met each other.

3. It’s important to have close friends in common.

4. Holidays are times when extended family should gather.

5. Birthday and anniversary celebrations are important.

6. Entertaining is fun

7. It’s important to socialize with a spouse’s work colleagues.

8. It’s important to live close to your families.

9. When a family or close friends visit from out-of-town, they should expect to stay at your home, as long as you have room.

10. Your door is always open to family and close friends, even if they don’t call in advance.

Look forward to Part 2.

Coach Keith

 

 

Keith Dent is the CEO of Strive 2 Succeed Coaching. He works  with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world.

S2S Song of the Night – Heart to Heart.

When there are problems in your relationship, you can’t always demand that your partner bring their whole heart in order for things to get better. You have to bring yours too! As so eloquently sung by Kenny Loggins.

Darlin’
Tell the truth
Don’t turn away
This is our last chance
To touch each others heart
Does anything last forever
I don’t know
Maybe we’re near the end
(So come and tell me)
So darlin’
Oh, how can we go on together
Now that we’ve grown apart
Well the only way to start
Is heart to heart

When you are married, you some day have to Grow Up: How to distinquish childish love vs. mature love.

It hasn’t been a good month for relationships so far in January 2014. An Italian man asked to go to jail over living under “house arrest” with his wife and Dwayne Wade had to inform his newly engaged fiancé that he recently fathered a love child.

You may be wondering what is the big deal, or you may be so outraged as my man MoKelly was in his blog the Mo’Kelly report to just throw up your hands and say there is just no hope.

I say it comes down to one thing, mature love vs. childish love. A lot of people enter into love relationships for the wrong reasons. They bring the same vulnerabilities and emotional feelings they had as children. With that mindset, the same behaviors go along with it. As a child, who is unable to meet his/her needs, his caretakers or in this case his/her partner become all-powerful and expressions of praise and approval become emotional blankets.

Dr. Harville Hendrix states very eloquently that we unconsciously choose mates who reflect both positive and negative qualities of our original caretakers, in order to resolve the unfinished business of our childhood. That’s why people so often say “I knew she was the one as soon as I laid eyes on her” or “I felt as if I’d known him all m life.”

So what type of love relationship do you have?  Here are a few 5 examples:

Childish Love                                                      vs.                         Mature Love

You fear abandonment.                                                                     You are secure and can tolerate feelings                                                                                                       of sadness and anxiety without being                                                                                                           consumed by them.

You need constant reinforcement that                                                 You trust that you are loved and don’t  you are loved.                                                                                  constantly search for proof.

You have no control over your emotions                                               You accept that you has flaws as well as others and you easily humiliated.                                                    do too and are not devastated and fearful when you make mistakes.

You fear change and resist stretching yourself.                                      You know that stretching outside your                                                                                                          comfort zone is good for you and                                                                                                                  overall  well-being.

You will do anything not to lose your relationship                                    You can accept loss, but never                                                                                                                     yourself.

Most relationships can work if you show up and commit yourself to grow up!

S2S Song of the Night – Come away with me!

Some time you just have to drop everything and tend to your relationship Norah Jones eloquently states in her video.

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I’m safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

When a kiss is more than a kiss! (Beyond Parenthood)

I usually don’t blog about the latest events on TV unless absolutely necessary, but a show that I watch had a very important topic that I felt my fellow Strivers would want to discuss.

In last night’s episode of Parenthood, Julia Braverman-Graham, played by Erika Christenson, best known for playing the crazy young Madison Bell on Swimfan confesses to her husband, Joel Graham (Sam Jaeger) that she was kissed by Ed (David Denman from The Office).

What struck me about the issue was the raw emotion that was portrayed when a partner s feelings that their marriage isn’t right becomes realized when the truth is revealed by the other.

Later in the episode, as Julia attempts to reconcile with her husband and to “fix” things as she so often does mentions that she has contacted a marriage counselor for help. Joel vehemently admits that counseling isn’t necessary. He states, “No, I don’t want to see a marriage counselor because the problem isn’t the marriage, the problem is you!” “Ever since you lost your job, I don’t even know who you are.” He ends with, “You want to fix it, but I don’t think it can be fixed.”

http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/video/can-this-marriage-be-saved/n44863

Powerful words coming from the man who originally wasn’t the breadwinner in the family due to his wife’s profile job, but was given the opportunity to do step up and he paid for it.

One item I would like to discuss was that he felt that his wife hadn’t been the same since she lost her job, but he never discussed it with her?

Should he have done so? If that happened in your relationship, how would you have address the life change?

S2S Question of the Day – Did you make sure your spouse was bundled up? It’s Cold Outside.

I really can’t stay
But baby it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go ‘way
But baby it’s cold outside
This evening has been
Been hoping that you’d drop in
So very nice
I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice.

My mother will start to worry
Beautiful what’s your hurry?
And father will be pacing the floor
Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry
Beautiful please don’t hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more
Put some music on while I pour.

The neighbors might think
But baby it’s bad out there
Say what’s in this drink
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell
I’ll take your hat your hair looks swell.

I oughta say no no no sir
Mind if I move a bit closer?
At least I’m gonna say that I tried
What’s the sense of hurting my pride
I really can’t stay
Oh baby don’t hold out
Ah, but it’s cold outside
Baby it’s cold outside

I simply must go
But baby it’s cold outside
The answer is No
Ooh baby it’s cold outside
The welcome has been
How lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm
Look out the window at that storm.

My sister will be suspicious
My your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious
Gosh your lips are delicious
Well maybe just a half-a-drink more
Never such a blizzard before.

I’ve got to get home
But baby you’d freeze out there
Say lend me a coat
It’s up to your knees out there
You’ve really been grand
Your eyes are like starlight now
But don’t you see
How can you do this thing to me?

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my lifelong sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stay
Get over that old doubt,
Ah, but it’s cold outside
Baby it’s cold outside