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Defend These 10 Vows If You Want To Make Your Marriage Last.

Defense is the action of defending or resisting attack. Yet, as men, we often feel that we don’t need to be on guard for anything especially when it comes to marriage.

On the other hand, women not only are they on guard for the things that happen in their marriage, they are on guard about everything that happen in their lives.

Men, for those of us that watch and understand sports, we know that defense is very vital important part of the game. It’s the only way you win. We all know the phrases, “A good defense beats a good offense.” “Offense wins games, defense wins championships.”

If a fruitful long lasting relationship is what we desire, then we must realize that at some point our relationship will come under attack. In order to win, we must apply these 10 principles to ensure our marriages last.

  1. Defend against not knowing your spouse

So we must understand your partner’s strengths and weaknesses as well as your own. Pushing and encouraging your spouse to be great can be very difficult if you don’t know your own. Marriages can be challenging when you are constantly focusing on your partner’s weaknesses.

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  1. Defend against not supporting or protecting her freedom.

We must understand that even though we both need and enjoy our spouse and vice versa, it’s also important for us to maintain our individuality. In particular, we need to feel like the decisions we’re making are truly coming from us. According to John Knee in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when people feel forced or coerced into making choices — like they didn’t have any real choice in the matter — they’re less happy and less fulfilled. And, as you might have guessed, that lack of happiness is problematic for relationships.

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  1. Defend against not voicing your wishes, desires, fears and dreams.

We must understand that we have needs, fears and desires outside of our spouse. Our partners will never fully deeply understand us if we never voice them. It’s that lack of deep connection the leads to our relationships ending.

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  1. Defend against sacrificing your needs out of obligation just to make her happy.

Once you figure out what your needs are, discuss with your partner how your needs can be met. This can be easier said than done because your spouse will have her own needs and it may come in direct conflict with yours.  So be aware that fulfilling your needs will involve difficult sacrifices on her part.

Make sure that when you do make sacrifices you do it only with love and care, and not with reluctance or resentment. If can’t make sacrifices for the right reasons, it’s probably better not to make the sacrifice at all.

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  1. Defend against not being there for your spouse when she needs you.

Your partner will rely on you the most for support. If you aren’t there when she is distressed or that soft place to fall, she will find someone else to do it. Rather it’s other women or another man. Then she will begin to think. What does she need you for?

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  1. Defend against not nurturing her goals and ambitions; supporting her through misfortune and celebrating triumphs.

Your partner wants to feel support when it comes to taking risks. There is nothing more secure when your partner can go out and conquer their goals, and there is a cheerleader pushing them and congratulating them.

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  1. Defend against a boring, passionless marriage. 

It’s no secret that couples are happier when they engage in new, interesting things together. You are basically telling your partner that you promise not to let your relationship fall into a rut.  We’re going to keep dating each other, keep travelling and exploring together, and keep sharing novel and interesting experiences with each other for the rest of your lives

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  1. Defend against bailing when times get tough.

This is where the better or worse come in; in other words, to stay committed to each other. When a couple sees themselves as a permanent partnership, their perspective on problems tends to shift from being about battling against each other to being about “ride together or die”. Having this type of commitment helps people to stop treating conflicts as all-or-nothing, instead keeping the wellbeing of your partner and your relationship in mind. Acting as a team, puts you in a better position to face challenges together.

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  1. Defend against callousness and unfairness because, you are a team now and for always.

In other words your marriage isn’t about carefully keeping score to ensure that we’re each contributing to the relationship fairly and equally. Instead, you’re promising to always strive to contribute what you can, based on the needs of your partner. You have to trust that your respective efforts will more or less balance out in the long run.

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  1. Defend against taking your marriage for granted.

When you appreciate your partner, you’re happier and more committed to the relationship. When you express gratitude to your partner, they feel more appreciated, and that makes them just as happy and just as committed. So promise to never take each other for granted, but rather to appreciate what you have and express early and often.

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These ten things are the best defense to the offensive attacks that can ruin your marriage over the long haul. As Osho says, “The fully matured man has no fear defense; he is completely open and vulnerable.”

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like Your Tango, The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the upcoming book In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.

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Posted by on December 8, 2017 in In the Trenches, Uncategorized

 

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Do You Have These Five Desires to Unlock the Key to Your Wife’s Passion

Did you know there is a large number of married women are bored with sex.

Men in order to unlock your wife’s passion here are 5 keys that are necessary to unlock your wife’s passion.

Which ones are you willing to explore?

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Posted by on May 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Want bring sexy back into your Marriage? Osculate!

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I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I would address kissing a little more in-depth. Sorry it has taken me a little longer than expected.

According to the 2009 General Social Survey, which has tracked the social behaviors of Americans since 1972, estimates that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage.

Provided there is no medical condition that is causing the problem. I can venture a guess that the art of osculation a.k.a. kissing is one of the missing pieces to solving the sexless marriage issue.  If you can somehow revive the lost art of kissing it may lead to other benefits as well.

Here are some reasons to consider:

Kissing will improve your overall health.

1.) Kissing boosts immunity. A recent study reported in the journal Medical Hypotheses says kissing may increase a woman’s immunity from Cytomegalovirus. Cytomegalovirus, contracted through mouth to mouth contact, can cause infant blindness and other birth defects if the mother is a carrier during pregnancy. Otherwise, the bug is relatively harmless in adults. Kissing has long been thought to be a way to pass along bugs and thus strengthen the body’s defenses. With the extra saliva generated from kissing it can wash bacteria off your teeth, which can help break down oral plaque.

2.) Kissing helps you solidify why you picked your mate in the first place. Anthropologist Helen Fisher describes kissing as a “mate assessment tool.” Discover Your “Type” (It Really Exists)

Much of the cortex is devoted to picking up sensations from around the lips, cheeks, tongue and nose. Out of 12 cranial nerves, five of them are picking up the data from around the mouth. It is built to pick up the most sensitive feelings—the most intricate tastes and smells and touch and temperature. And when you’re kissing somebody, you can really hear them and see them and feel them. So kissing is not just kissing. It is a profound advertisement of who you are, what you want and what you can give.

Since kissing has been lacking in the sexless marriage it might also cause you to question why you chose this person to marry.

3.) Kissing burns calories! Depending on different reports, anywhere from 2 to 6 calories a minute.

Kissing can persuade your partner!

1. Being an overall good kisser can persuade your partner to get between the sheets instead of remaining on top of the sheets.

2. Good kissing bring back feelings of bonding and attachment too. Sharing a passionate kiss can re-create and maintain a feeling of connectedness in relationships.

3. Good kissing can also lead to arousal and sex. Passionate make-outs are often necessary (and effective) precursors to further physical intimacy.

Good kissing will require you to brush up on your elements!

1.As so aptly portrayed in the movie Hitch, you’ve got to be all in. Both men and women also found assertiveness attractive in a kisser.

2.Touching, caressing, and general physical can lead to more deeper passionate kisses.

3.Get back to the basics! Closed-mouth kissing initially, with minimal saliva exchange (especially for women). Soft, moist lips were preferable – but a drooling, tongue-down was not. Over time, kissing could work up to greater “passion” and “intimacy”.

In the end if you want to bring sexy back to your marriage. Start with a kiss!

 

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