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Letter to My Younger Married Self

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Dear 29-Year old Keith,

Tomorrow when you wake up you’re going to have a brand new title Mr. Keith Dent married man to Priscilla Gordon. I know that you have already been dating for a year and a half, but this will be different.

The vows that you just echoed to all of your guests at the wedding will take on a meaning that you can’t even comprehend.

Your view of marriage will be challenged many times over. It will make you question your choices, but in reality it will make you question your abilities as a husband and a father.You are used to a patriarchal marriage that was full of energy and was captain of the ship. Your wife will not share these same views. She’s an independent woman who was raised to speak her mind when things look  out of whack and she will do so often. Don’t worry, it will be for your own good. Even after twenty years of marriage she will still continue to reiterate that you were the only man she would’ve married.

With that said, here are five things you will have to look forward to in your marriage journey.

Sharing in Caring.

This is maybe the most important thing you will learn. You’re wife is very generous, especially with the people she loves. She will expect the same from you.This will be evident when she buys you a honey bun as a surprise.When you eat the whole thing without offering her a bite, it won’t taste so good.

Your expectations as a husband will change.

Her strength and upbringing  will be an advantage especially when you figure out that corporate America isn’t for you. When you take that job delivering papers to support your family she will never look down on you. She will support you every step of the way. She will embrace your hard work and will do her part because teamwork makes the dream work.

Your children will challenge you in so many ways.

When you were growing up, your dad was the true leader of the family. He was the breadwinner, the planner and the disciplinarian. When he spoke, you listened. But, when you were younger you didn’t develop your own voice. You won’t have to worry about that when it comes to YOUR kids. They will laugh at you and question almost everything you say. Be prepared to teach and coach. It will be worth it. Your children will be your biggest legacy.

You will learn conflict and love are part of the deal. 

When you first meet your wife’s family, especially her sisters you will be thoroughly entertained. They can be loud, opinionated and most of all competitive. They will never let you live down the times they beat you down in a game of Taboo and Street Fighter. Even though they fight with each other, you won’t be able speak ill of any of them. They will teach you that conflict is okay and that’s what being in a family is all about.

She will help you laugh at yourself.

You are going to end up making so many silly mistakes from going to concerts on the wrong night to not remembering when summer camp for your youngest son is two years in a row. Your wife will know how you beat yourself up over these things. She will help you laugh at yourself. You live, you laugh, you learn and you buy Luvs will be one of her favorite sayings.

All in all your marriage will be one of the most important fulfilling relationships you will ever have. It’s a tremendous blessing that you met Priscilla at Jasper’s wedding. Look forward to twenty more years of a wonderful journey.

Sincerely,

49-year-old, Keith

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Posted by on December 6, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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S2S Question of the Day? – Responsiveness

The Question of the Day has to do with Responsiveness?

How responsive are you to your partner’s needs outside of the bedroom?

 

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According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, the more responsive you are to your partner, the more sexual desire they will feel for you.  This is especially important because the all out passionate that just automatically  comes with marriage will fade between one and three years.

If you feel you have lost that sexual desire for your spouse or vice versa and need help on how to get it back, please contact me for a free consultation at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2016 in Question of the Day

 

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Your Relationship is Like Playing In The Paint!

If you have ever watched, or played a basketball game, there is a place on the court that is called “The Paint.” It’s the rectangular area on the court contained within the key. The key is the area that encompasses the middle of the floor underneath the basket. It is often shaded, which explains the origin of the word, and always has a semi-circle attached on the short side opposite the basket.

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In a basketball game this is the area where the big boys play. It’s also one of the most important areas on the basketball court. There is lots of bumping, shoving, and pushing in the paint. It’s also the place where you can get rebounds and score easy baskets. If you can’t master this area in a basketball game, you are less likely to win.

Being in a marriage there is similar to Playing In the Paint. In marriage, there are seven qualities that make it similar to this important part of basketball.

  1. When You Play in the Paint, you have to know your strengths. Dennis Rodman knew he was a great rebounder, and he worked on his craft to make sure he was an asset to his team. In marriage, you need to know your strengths as well as the strength of your partner, to ensure you are pushing each other to be their best self. thHUW9X37H
  2. When You Play in the Paint, you have to be able to trust your teammate. The Boston Celtics of the 80’s are considered one of the top frontcourt tandem of all time. They had ferocious grace and skill, but their best characteristic was they had each other’s back on the court. When you are marriage, you are competing against so much; work, the kids, outside pressures, that you have to be able to trust each other no matter what.
  3. When You Play in the Paint you will get angry. Some of the biggest fights, visible or not will happen in the painted area. It happens when you are in close proximity to each other. Marriage is no different. You are in close proximity to you spouse for the rest of you life. It’s normal. The most important part is how you handle your anger.
  4. When You Play in the Paint you have to be able to talk. It’s the job of the other team to screen and shield you from their player, so they can score. In order to play defense effectively, you will have to be able to communicate. In marriage, communication is the lifeblood to any marriage in order to establish goals and avoid any obstacles that may get in the way of being fulfilled,
  5. When You Play in the Paint you create an identity. The Detroit Pistons of the 90’s where also called the BAD BOYS, because they were known for playing hard nosed basketball and inflicting pain on their court to help provide and edge. In marriage, you want to create a set of core beliefs and principles that you will live by. This will clearly help move in the same direction as your marriage progresses. It was also help you establish a set of principles to pass down once the kids arrive.
  6. When You Play in the Paint  you have to be able to defend. Akeem Olajuwon and Ralph Sampson, aka The Twin Towers, made it almost impossible for offiensive players to score down low. In marriage you have to have a great defense if you are going to make it. In this instance, defense means the ability to handle your finances. If you struggle in this area, you will struggle in marriage.
  7. When You Play in the Paint you develop a special bond. The chemistry among the members that play in the paint can be very fulfilling. This play is taken for granted in a typical basketball game today, since centers are no longer the focal point of the team. In reality, these players are the unsung heroes of any team. In marriage, your sexual bond, is very important, but it is often taken for granted especially when the children, your career and take precedent. By paying attention to this important aspect can help you keep your marriage fresh and interesting.

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Excerpts from this blog is taken from Coach Keith’s upcoming new book In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love. If you are in reserving your copy, e-mail him at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

 

 

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2016 in In the Paint, Uncategorized

 

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Do You Have These Five Desires to Unlock the Key to Your Wife’s Passion

Did you know there is a large number of married women are bored with sex.

Men in order to unlock your wife’s passion here are 5 keys that are necessary to unlock your wife’s passion.

Which ones are you willing to explore?

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Posted by on May 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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iLoveStrong’s Top Super Bowl Commercials 2014

The Super Bowl Commercials this year were very similar to the game. Very boring. Who knew that you could have so many car commercials jammed into one football game. Since Strive 2 Succeed in Marriage & Coach Keith love sports and relationships, , we were able to find some great one’s that focused on Love, just like last year’s post. Here they are!

Honorable Mention – Bad Prom Night (Turbo Tax)- Because I had one of these, my junior year.

# 5 – The Stud Cow – You know I have to throw the one sexually explicit commercial in there. Since it’s all about relationships.

#4 – Puppy Love – I loved this commercial because sometimes even though we may seem incompatible to other people, we can’t help who are friends are, or who we Love.

#3 – Make Love not War (Axe Commercial) – This was good because, you weren’t expecting the outcome. Sometime’s that is how love is. It’s not always nice and neat.

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#2 – Cheerios – This commercial was fantastic because it had a gamut of emotions. I was glad they did another commercial especially  since the first commercial that introduced this family had so many haters. It was great to see the love of this interracial couple and the love between father and daughter.

#1 – Tuesday is World Cancer Day – With no words being said, this was clearly my favorite commercial. As the husband was driving miles to take his wife to her cancer treatment.  That’s pure love right there. Don’t Leave, that’s what you asked of me! Priceless.

 

Which ads spoke to you tonight when it comes to LOVE? Discuss!

 
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Posted by on February 3, 2014 in Marriage Madness

 

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Everyone can have Secure Partner! The question is do you want one?

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Before I met, PG there was someone in my life that I actually adored. I really thought that she was “the one”, and I never could figure out, why she wasn’t.

We are good friends to this day and she was able to find the person that was right for her, but with the invention of FACEBOOK,  I was curious why we didn’t work out? Simply put, she wasn’t ready for the type of relationship I could provide; stable, secure, BORING.

Everyone can have a partner that is very secure about the relationship. The question is, do you want that type of person in your life? In this age of reality TV, and constant news coverage, it may be hard to fathom being with someone who has a secure relationship style. Due to the lack of drama in their life, it can be perceived they are emotionless, even boring. Quite the contrary, if you have an avoidant attachment style, or and anxious attachment style, a secure person is exactly the person you should seek.

Here’s why:

People that are secure have Buffering Powers.

According to Patrick Keelan as part of his doctoral dissertation from the University of Toronto found that individuals with a secure attachment style are more satisfied in their relationships, but what is even greater about them is they are able to decrease their partner’s insecure relationship satisfaction level.

What you see is not usually what you get!

Individuals with secured attachment styles come in all shapes and sizes. The might be the life of the party, but also the biggest wallflower in the room. One thing is for certain, they can handle any relationship as if it’s by magic.

They possess these superpowers that other attachment styles just can’t master.

  1. Can diffuse most conflicts – during a fight, they don’t get defensive, and don’t try to escalate a situation by injuring or punishing their partner.
  2. Mentally flexible – not threatened by criticism and can revise their beliefs or strategies if necessary.
  3. Effective communicators – they are naturals at expressing their feelings freely and accurately.
  4. Don’t play games – They want closeness, so if you are down with that..Step up.
  5. They enjoy closeness  for what it is. – And aren’t afraid of it, which is difficult for the anxious if the closeness isn’t t their standards, or the avoid ants, who will bolt at the nearest indication of it.
  6. Find it easy to forgive – Feel their partner’s intentions are good, even when they mess up.
  7. They don’t try and separate intimacy and sex.
  8. If you are in their inner circle, you are treated as such.
  9. Secure in their power to improve the relationship.
  10. Responsible for their partner’s well-being.

You won’t have time to make up you mind.

A person with a secured attachment style will naturally gravitate toward those people who make them happy. They will not fall prey to the emotional highs and lows that plague anxious individuals and they will not project a false fantasy that you are “the one” and then pull the rug from under your feet when you decide to show your true feelings.

Because they are effective communicators, they will let you know how they feel about you. It will be up to you to determine if you are ready to go the distance. They will take the chance.

So if you  are one of non-secure attachment styles, you must decide very early into the relationship if you can handle that because they will not be around very long for you to make up your mind.

Don’t take Secureds for granted.

You make think you have hit the lottery, when you are able to finally have that secured stable man/woman that you have longed for all your life. But don’t be fooled, you will have to make a concerted effort to move to a more secure frame of mind, which will take some work on your part. You will know if you have pushed things too far, if your once secured partner has taken on the traits that you possess. Let’s hope that never happens.

What do you think about this topic? Have you ever pushed someone who seemed secure out of your life based on your attachment style? If you were able to get them back, how did you do it? I would love to hear?

Coach Keith

 

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Men are the New Meat – Sex on College Campus!

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In Saturday’s article Sex on Campus: She can Play that Game,Too painted a very disturbing, but believable picture about the type of relationships going on at our college campuses. On college campuses, men now, are nothing, but hot meat to be used at the discretion of female co-eds who barely have time for relationships. But we aren’t doing anything to change it. The emotionless sex that we have been using on women for years is beginning to have negative impacts on type of relationships we have after college and is contributing to our delay in finding a suitable mate.

The “hook-up” culture as it’s called is being turned on its ear by the very women that have been objected to it.

Young female college students, who now outnumber men 4 to 3 on campus are now making their own “Booty Call” and the men are falling for it, thinking they have landed on Eden East. In reality, our men haven’t offered a more desirable alternative. So women are now trying to do something about it. They have decided to take something they can control, their career and education. And the numbers bear that out. According to the National Marriage Project in their study Knot Yet, the benefits and costs of Delaying Marriage, female college graduates see over a $18K increase in salary if they delay marriage until their 30s.

In the article, women claimed, “Even if they did meet someone they were interested in, some women said the logistics of a relationship were just too hard. Some described extracurricular commitments — running debate tournaments for local high school students, or organizing Model United Nations conferences — that took up 30 to 40 hours a week, and came on top of going to class, doing homework and, in the case of less-wealthy students, work-study jobs. Some relationships ended, or never got off the ground, simply because schedules didn’t align.

This is how women are feeling, about the men they meet.

  • Men are now the hunted one’s. Instead of waiting for him to call me. I am going get a little satisfaction.
  • Because your personality is so ___________ (insert whatever negative connotation you like) I am going to need to be drunk just to get with you and it certainly won’t be memorable.
  • You are so wishy-washy and indecisive, why would I waste my time-sharing my dreams and goals with you.
  • Since your main concern is just about achieving pleasure, I’ll oblige you just so you will leave me alone.
  • No substance is necessary. If you are “hot meat” and good in bed, that’s all I need.
  • Since you are emotionally attached, I can do that too.

In fact,  one lady was so emotionally unattached she hadn’t realized she’d been raped until she shared her story for the writer of the Times. And this sort of this is going on all over the country. Duke University is toughening their sexual assault policy because of it.

If you are tired of this type of lifestyle of emotionless sex with a women that doesn’t really care to know you. You have to flip the script. This is what you need to do.

It’s time to tell the truth. You have been lying to the young women. Once you are sober, you are looking for a wife, but are weeding out the one’s willing to throw away sex.

  1. According to the 2001-2002 Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, about 80 percent of young-adult men rate marriage as an “important” part of their life plan.
  2. Work on your plan. Sure it may change over time, but since our young ladies are working hard on their unbalanced lives, they want to feel you are doing the same thing.
  3. Get to know women’s personalities face-to-face. You can’t get a sense of how a young lady think  and feels behind their tweets and Instagram posts.
  4. You are more than just a piece of meat. You can say No, too.

What do you think?  Are our college men the new meat?

 
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Posted by on July 15, 2013 in For My Single Peeps.

 

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