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Tag Archives: Communication

Letter to My Younger Married Self – Maiden vs. Married

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Dear 28-year-old Diana,

It’s happened…you’s a married girl (ala The Color Purple)! Your teenage dream of finding the right man and being dressed in white to walk down the aisle to meet “the one” Cory  A. Jones happened. I am currently 42 years old and have so much to tell you that will give you peace in your heart and mind about what to expect about marriage.

Remember when you conceived at age 15 and had a son at age 16? Remember when you thought your life was over when his father left him? Remember when you thought you were unlovable because who would love a girl who had a baby? Well, you met THE ONE who dispelled all those lies. You met THE ONE who gave you value and worth. You met THE ONE who gave you purpose. You met THE ONE who has great plans, gives hope and a future. You met JESUS! He is THE ONE who has never failed you, never left you and never forsaken you.

It’s because of Him, that you started to know who you were as a woman, mother and a potential wife. He’s the one that made the connection between you and Cory A. Jones, your now husband who you met at the worst job you two ever had. He knew who you would need to be beside you and be the father and step father of your children. He would also be the one to dispel the lies about what men do. You know. Those thoughts about past experiences that men will leave, men cheat, men are selfish, men leave their children, and on and on. He’s a good one, D. He will represent sacrificial love to you in good times and bad. He is generous and will shower you with gifts and heartfelt cards of encouragement (even though gifts aren’t your primary love language, you like it 😀). You’ll know that he’s the one not on day one but as years pass and good times and trials come, Cory will show you that he is not what your father did and he is not what your exes have done. He becomes a Godly man who yearns to grow in the Lord and seeks His wisdom on how to lead himself and his family. You should learn to accept that early on.

You’ll learn that marriage isn’t easy. It will take daily work of prayer, reading, counsel, and introspective analysis to continue to heal from past wounds of your father and past relationships so you two could conquer the future together.

When the going gets tough…

⁃    Keep fighting
⁃    Keep praying
⁃    Keep worshipping
⁃    Keep speaking life over yourselves
⁃    Keep loving
⁃    Keep the faith
⁃    Keep learning

Love,
42-year-old Diana

 

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8 Ways to a Powerful “Marriage” Partnership.

Beyonce’ & Jay-Z! Jordan & Pippen! John Stockton & “The Mailman” Karl Malone! Bill and Melinda Gates!  These great partnerships didn’t just happen overnight. It took years of hard work, understanding and cultivating these 8 powerful ingredients that make their partnerships truly magical. In order to make your marriage truly as powerful, you need to make sure it has these elements.

  1. Complementary Strengths – No matter how educated and powerful you are, you have weaknesses. One of the great ways to make your marriage powerful is that you identify the strengths of your partner and work together to reach your mutual goals.
  2. Common Mission – Your marriage can be truly powerful if you have a common mission. A common mission can help you get back on track when the daily grind of life steers you of course.
  3. Fairness – In a relationship their is an instinctive need for fairness. If one partner or the other feels fairness is lacking it can erode a powerful partnership.
  4. Trust – When you are in a strong partnership there is a sense of vulnerability that comes with it because you have to share your whole self to your partner. You have to be able to fully trust that your partner will not use what you have given them to their advantage, but honor it.
  5. Acceptance – When two people come together from two different world views there is bound to be friction from time to time. In order to ensure this friction doesn’t increase to major conflict we have to be able to accept these differences.
  6. Forgiveness – Your partner is not perfect and neither are you. Mistakes happen. Without forgiveness, the natural instinct to seek retribution for our partners mistakes will overtake the partnership and the marriage won’t survive.
  7. Communication – Is the lifeblood of a strong marriage partnership. It helps prevent misunderstandings, assumptions and helps marriages effectively and efficiently.
  8. Unselfishness – When you think a bout your partners needs before your own become second nature can make your marriage trans formative. It’s very gratifying when you see the needs of your partner met. 
If you feel you are missing one or a few of these ingredients and you need help on how to acquire them, please contact me for a free 30-minute consulation at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.
 
 

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Letter to My Younger Married Self

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Dear 29-Year old Keith,

Tomorrow when you wake up you’re going to have a brand new title Mr. Keith Dent married man to Priscilla Gordon. I know that you have already been dating for a year and a half, but this will be different.

The vows that you just echoed to all of your guests at the wedding will take on a meaning that you can’t even comprehend.

Your view of marriage will be challenged many times over. It will make you question your choices, but in reality it will make you question your abilities as a husband and a father.You are used to a patriarchal marriage that was full of energy and was captain of the ship. Your wife will not share these same views. She’s an independent woman who was raised to speak her mind when things look  out of whack and she will do so often. Don’t worry, it will be for your own good. Even after twenty years of marriage she will still continue to reiterate that you were the only man she would’ve married.

With that said, here are five things you will have to look forward to in your marriage journey.

Sharing in Caring.

This is maybe the most important thing you will learn. You’re wife is very generous, especially with the people she loves. She will expect the same from you.This will be evident when she buys you a honey bun as a surprise.When you eat the whole thing without offering her a bite, it won’t taste so good.

Your expectations as a husband will change.

Her strength and upbringing  will be an advantage especially when you figure out that corporate America isn’t for you. When you take that job delivering papers to support your family she will never look down on you. She will support you every step of the way. She will embrace your hard work and will do her part because teamwork makes the dream work.

Your children will challenge you in so many ways.

When you were growing up, your dad was the true leader of the family. He was the breadwinner, the planner and the disciplinarian. When he spoke, you listened. But, when you were younger you didn’t develop your own voice. You won’t have to worry about that when it comes to YOUR kids. They will laugh at you and question almost everything you say. Be prepared to teach and coach. It will be worth it. Your children will be your biggest legacy.

You will learn conflict and love are part of the deal. 

When you first meet your wife’s family, especially her sisters you will be thoroughly entertained. They can be loud, opinionated and most of all competitive. They will never let you live down the times they beat you down in a game of Taboo and Street Fighter. Even though they fight with each other, you won’t be able speak ill of any of them. They will teach you that conflict is okay and that’s what being in a family is all about.

She will help you laugh at yourself.

You are going to end up making so many silly mistakes from going to concerts on the wrong night to not remembering when summer camp for your youngest son is two years in a row. Your wife will know how you beat yourself up over these things. She will help you laugh at yourself. You live, you laugh, you learn and you buy Luvs will be one of her favorite sayings.

All in all your marriage will be one of the most important fulfilling relationships you will ever have. It’s a tremendous blessing that you met Priscilla at Jasper’s wedding. Look forward to twenty more years of a wonderful journey.

Sincerely,

49-year-old, Keith

 
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Posted by on December 6, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Happy Halloween #funfriday

What would be your response to this question?  I would tell her you look rather “Bony”!

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Posted by on October 28, 2016 in Fun Friday, Uncategorized

 

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If He Opens Up, This Is What You Might Get!

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#funfriday

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2016 in Fun Friday, Uncategorized

 

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Strive 2 Succeed Question of the Day – “Me” Time

S2S QOTD! Do you have “me” time scheduled in your marriage?
According to Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
Here are 3 Benefits to scheduled alone time.
  • It fosters Self-Expression.
  • Helps you create your own identity.
  • Brings New Energy to a stale marriage.
  • Helps foster better communication
If you do have frequent alone time, what does it consist of?
If you don’t, why not?
 
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Posted by on August 29, 2016 in Question of the Day

 

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Empowerment Wednesday Vol. 1 – Respect

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If you aren’t receiving the respect you know you deserve. Find out why by asking info@Strive2Succeedcoaching.com

 
 

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