Yesterday, I saw my friend Stephan after church. We exchanged pleasantries and I happen to notice he wasn’t wearing his ring. I asked him how he was doing. He told me he was going through some personal things, challenges, so I asked him a question that would help him open up a little more. After a few minutes he told me that his 18 year marriage was on the verge of collapse.
I offered my services, but his wife was looking for a specific type of relationship therapist and I didn’t fit the gender category.
As I drove home, I began to reflect on how is it possible that a marriage can end after so many years? You may be in the same boat yourself, confused about how your marriage of 10 or more years suddenly ends.
Here are Five reasons why your good marriage could turn bad.
- The expectations you had built up before you were married or over time never materialized.
- You never really examined yourself in the marriage.
- You never learns the skill that is needed to get you through the obstacle.
- The unhealthy choice, no matter how small lead to the downfall of your marriage.
- You just can’t overcome an unpredictable circumstance.
As I listened to my friend talk to me, I thought about today’s Marriage Music Monday selection by L.T.D, Where Did We Go Wrong.
It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong
It doesn’t matter whose to blame
We both have to swallow our pride
To make this love strong, ooh, baby
You may not know the source of your partner’s frustration, unless you make the choice to sit down face-to-face, with a coach, or a counselor and work out your problems. That’s what my friend Stephan was going to do. He wanted his good marriage back.
We are STRIVERS and we want “good marriages”.
In the book When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot they provide the secrets that couples use:
- A good marriage is made up of..2 people who take ownership for the good as well as the bad. There are a responsible couple.
- A good marriage is made up of..2 people believing good wins over bad. They are a responsible couple.
- A good marriage is made up of..2 people walking in each other’s shoes. They are an empathic couple.
- A good marriage is made up of ..2 people healing the hurts they don’t deserve. They are a forgiving couple.
- A good marriage is made up of ..2 people living the love they promise. They are a committed couple.
Have a great week. And do something unexpected for your spouse.