Love Letter – “A” for Adversity


If you are married only for a short period of time. or for a lifetime, your partner will face adversity. You, or your spouse may face a serious illness which can be a serious distraction. When I work with couples that are dealing with adversity, I ask them, “You must make a choice?” Are you going to face the adversity head on, or are you going to let define and destroy your relationship. Sometime fighting through adversity requires some assistance — a someone that can act as your GPS leading to the right way. 

As a coach, I advise the unaffected partner to ask the other if there something they can do to remedy the situation or solve the problem? If so, I encourage them to stop worrying about what to do and do what a responsible partner would do. Do what needs to be done. 

If there is nothing to be done, meaning if you have no immediate control over the situation, then concentrate on what you would be doing to function effectively to make the relationship run as smoothly during a complicated time.

Here are tips to you can use if your partner is having a tough time dealing with to help during times of adversity.

  • Recognize that you will inevitably be faced with adversity in your personal lives and in your relationship, rather than ignoring or denying that eventuality.
  • Help your partner shift their thinking during the adverse situation,. Instead of  thinking of your situation as a threat, face it as a challenge..
  • Help you  partner figure out what they would need to do to be self-assertive, rather self-pitying.
  • Think about possible solutions, rather than dwelling on the issue.
  • Daily give your partner steps on how to live each day, rather than give in to how he/she is feeling.
  • Help your partner to recognize when they begin to fall into despair, how to coach themselves with positive self-talk, scripture, or whatever mantra needed to get out of it, rather than forfeiting to the adverse external factors of the moment. 

If you need help confronting adversity and responding to it with courage and positive energy, click here.


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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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