Love Letter – “A” for Adversity

If you are married only for a short period of time. or for a lifetime, your partner will face adversity. You, or your spouse may face a serious illness which can be a serious distraction. When I work with couples that are dealing with adversity, I ask them, “You must make a choice?” Are you going to face the adversity head on, or are you going to let define and destroy your relationship. Sometime fighting through adversity requires some assistance — a someone that can act as your GPS leading to the right way. 

As a coach, I advise the unaffected partner to ask the other if there something they can do to remedy the situation or solve the problem? If so, I encourage them to stop worrying about what to do and do what a responsible partner would do. Do what needs to be done. 

If there is nothing to be done, meaning if you have no immediate control over the situation, then concentrate on what you would be doing to function effectively to make the relationship run as smoothly during a complicated time.

Here are tips to you can use if your partner is having a tough time dealing with to help during times of adversity.

• Recognize that you will inevitably be faced with adversity in your personal lives and in your relationship, rather than ignoring or denying that eventuality.
• Help your partner shift their thinking during the adverse situation,. Instead of  thinking of your situation as a threat, face it as a challenge..
• Help you  partner figure out what they would need to do to be self-assertive, rather self-pitying.
• Think about possible solutions, rather than dwelling on the issue.
• Daily give your partner steps on how to live each day, rather than give in to how he/she is feeling.
• Help your partner to recognize when they begin to fall into despair, how to coach themselves with positive self-talk, scripture, or whatever mantra needed to get out of it, rather than forfeiting to the adverse external factors of the moment. 

If you need help confronting adversity and responding to it with courage and positive energy, click here.

 

Mature Love has no surprises – 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot. – Part 2

I hope you had a stimulating conversation with your partner around 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot – Part 1. Today we will explore list the final 11 questions that will help gain clarity on the type of marriage/relationship you want to have with your partner.

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here! The questions are designed to generate discussion to a stronger relationship. Write if you AGREE or DISAGREE with each statement.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

11. If the phone rings, you should stop what you’re doing and answer it, even if you are eating dinner, talking with your partner, watching a movie together or cuddling.

12. If a close friend needs money, you open your wallet, no questions asked.

13. Casual flirting at parties is harmless.

14. You should feel free to discuss problems in your marriage with a close friend or family member whom you trust.

15. You enjoy receiving spontaneous invitations to go out with friends.

16. It’s okay if your partner invites a friend to your home without asking you.

17. It’s okay for you or your partner to have friends with the opposite sex.

18. You prefer vacationing with friends rather than as a couple.

19. You can’t bear to disappoint your mother.

20 If your parents lend you money to buy a home, they should have a say in your purchase.

21. Your spouse should always comes first, no matter what.

Now that you have completed both parts of the exercise, talk about one’s you agreed with and discuss why you gave your particular answer. This will strengthen unity prior to the big day. Then discuss the one’s where your answers were different. Decide which partner will go first and give them ample time to explain their answer without interruption.

The role of this exercise is to acknowledge the areas where you have agreements and disagreements, and get into the habit of talking about how you will live your daily lives given the information each of you provided.

When couples can embrace their differences, they can more easily face conflict without putting a wedge between their marriage.

Don’t let a few differences keep you from having the marriage you truly want. Coach Keith can help empower your marriage.

“Create your future from your future, not your past” – Werner Erhard

Start 2014 off right with Strive 2 Succeed Coaching..Here’s proof it works.

Hello Strivers! Today I received a nice note from a client based on my working with them. It’s great to here when clients are doing well especially after not hearing from them in a couple of months.  Here is what they said:

I had a positive experience with my coaching services provided by Strive 2 Succeed. The sessions served as a mutual platform where I can express my concerns and not feel judged or attacked.

During each session I was given simple tools that I was able to carry-over in my day-to-day marital interactions. I was challenged to think about myself and my relationship in ways that I haven’t thought of previously. I am so happy that I took the chance and sought out the coaching services with Strive 2 Succeed.

-K.W.

 What goals would you like to achieve in your marriage for 2014?

How can Strive 2 Succeed Coaching help?

I hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year. And I look forward to sharing some great new posts and series during the new year.

Coach Keith

Keith Dent is the CEO of Strive 2 Succeed Coaching. He works  with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world.