6 Step Plan To Get Your Husband Off the Bench and Into The Game.

Ladies! Has your frustration returned now that Valentine’s Day is over and your husband is back to chillin’ on the couch watching countless hours of sports.

Do you ever wonder what is it about sports that men love so much? If you are still befuddled by this question the next time you get in your car and go to the store, turn on your local sports radio station. You will hear grown men so excited and passionate about getting their point across about a sports moment that happened days before sometimes even years. These men will wait up to 30 minutes to make sure they do so.

Men love sports because it’s fun, spontaneous, thrilling and exciting. Isn’t that how you want your marriages to be? Often times it’s the opposite, boring, and predictable.

So what do you have to do to win at the Game of Love? Here is a 6-step game plan to get your marriage back on track.

1. Have a powerful slogan

Every season, teams that excel have powerful slogans to remind them of the goal of winning. In 2017, the Cleveland Cavaliers slogan for the playoffs was “Defend the Land”. So as a family you should come up with a slogan that defines who you are as a family and reminds each other why you are commitment.

2. Constantly reminding him his importance on the team.

On any given team, there players that don’t get a lot of credit, but are the essential to winning and losing. Your husband may be that guy. He may not be overly flashy, or the life of the party. He just gets the job done. You should remind him that his role is valuable and vital to your success as a couple.

3. To stay at the top takes work.

Your wedding with all the pomp and circumstance is like the ultimate championship game. Staying on top takes work, so you must challenge him not to get complacent. Treat your time together like practice where you learn new things about each other and make it routine.

4. Know when to call a time-out?

In any given game, you can feel the momentum shift to the other side. The coach will call a time-out in order for the team to rest, re-group and reassess the game plan.  You should do that in your marriage, especially if you feel the momentum shifting and it’s inevitable that they will. If you see your husband starts to become disengaged, no energy or just plain angry, or you aren’t happy. Don’t be afraid to call a time-out. If you let things go, you may lose.

5. Treat sex like a game.

Sex to a man is like a conquest. Treat it like one. In the bedroom, men feel great when you enjoy sex just as much as he does. It makes him feel accomplished. Overtime it gets harder and harder to set aside to enjoy this part of marriage. Do things like trash-talking (i.e. flirting), putting on your best outfit and creating a build-up to the main event.

6. Treat the kids like the rookies.

Your kids are just like tiny adults. They are going to need to understand the family slogan in order to thrive and excel. As co-captain of the team it’s the responsibility of both of you to give them the tools they will need to be successful. Make sure you challenge them, give them a voice and most of all have fun.

Working as a team is never easy. It takes commitment to a desired goal, discipline, motivation, trust and a few lucky bounces of the ball. By treating your marriage more like a game, your husband can truly understand the importance of his role and will work to win.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.

10 Tips to help you become a better team player!

This past weekend was the annual Jack-N-Jill Teen Summit at SUNY Westbury. It was a nice and I was grateful for the opportunity to present the teens with ways to develop a healthy relationship before they get married.

The main topic of the discussion  was centered around sports. We talked about what makes teams excel and how the acts of one individual can destroy a team.  The teens were a little confused at first, but things soon became clear when I explained that relationships are just a team of 2, instead of 5, 9, or 11.

Do you think of your marriage/relationship as a team?

If you do, and you want to maximize your opportunity to win the Marriage Game, here are some tips to a cohesive team.

1. Demonstrate Reliability – A reliable team member gets work done and does their fair share to work hard and meet commitments. Consistency is key. You can count on him or her to be there for you all the time, not just some of the time.
2. Communicates Constructively -This two-person team need both parties to speak up and express their thoughts and ideas clearly, directly, honestly, and with respect for other person on the team.
3. Listens Actively – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for team meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
4. Functions as an Active Participant – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for family meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
5. Shares openly and willingly – Good team players share. They’re willing to share information, knowledge, and experience. They take the initiative to keep other team members informed. Good team players are good at informal sharing. They keep other team members in the loop with information and advice that helps get the job done and prevents surprises.
6. Cooperates and pitches in to help. – Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. Effective team players work this way by second nature. Good team players, despite differences they may have with other team members concerning style and perspective, figure out ways to work together to solve problems and get work done. They respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer help.
7. Exhibits flexibility – Teams often deal with changing conditions — and often create changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don’t complain or get stressed out because the other team member wants to train something new is being tried or some new direction is being set.In addition, a flexible team member can consider different points of views and compromise when needed. He or she doesn’t hold rigidly to a point of view and argue it to death, especially when the team needs to move forward to make a decision or get something done. Strong team players are firm in their thoughts yet open to what others have to offer — flexibility at its best.
8. Shows committment to the team – Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team’s work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same.
9. Works as a problem solver – Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner. They’re problem-solvers, not problem-dwellers, problem-blamers, or problem-avoiders. They don’t simply rehash a problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don’t look for others to fault, as the blamers do. And they don’t put off dealing with issues, the way avoiders do.Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.
10. Treat others in a respectful supportive manner -Team players treat fellow team members with courtesy and consideration — not just some of the time but consistently. In addition, they show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done. They don’t place conditions on when they’ll provide assistance, when they’ll choose to listen, and when they’ll share information. Good team players also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both), but they don’t have fun at someone else’s expense. Quite simply, effective team players deal with their other teammates in a loving manner.

I would like to hear how you are doing as a team player? What changes do you need to implement so your couple-team will be more effective?

Have a great day everyone and remember to #iLoveStrong