Marriage Music Monday – I’ll be By Your Side (Sade)

The people close to me know I love Sade. She is one of the sexiest women on this earth, next to my wife of course. Back in the early 90’s,  I had a life-sized poster of her beautiful face on my living room wall when I lived at 18B Marion Pepe Drive in Lodi, NJ. Her face was and still is a thing a beauty. I have all of her CD’s except the compilations, and I know most of the words to her songs.

When I met my wife PG, the life sized poster had to go, along with the black book. So when my wife presented me with tickets for
Father’s Day, I was elated, but a little conflicted. How was I going to scream and holler and possibly shed a tear for another woman with my wife sitting next to me? Since we had been dealing with a child illness during the week, PG had
felt she should stay home just in case. YEAH ME! I was going to let loose, but in a reserved way. It had been a stressful week.

Sade, as always was masterful with her non-dance moves and simple lyrics. And yes, she was as beautiful at 50, as she was at 25 when I  first ‘Diamond Life’ on the campus of Georgetown University. Towards the end of her show, Sade sang her song By Your Side. As she sang these words, something unexpected happened.

Oh, when your cold

I’ll be there to hold you tight to me

When your on

the outside baby and you can’t get in

I will show you, your so much better

than you know

When your lost, when your alone and you can’t get back again

I will find you darling I’ll bring you home

As the confetti started to fall from the sky, I started to shed a tear. But it wasn’t for Sade at all, it was for my wife. As the lyrics  suggest, I was grateful I had someone who would be by my side, no matter what. It had taken years of dating, difficult relationships, and self-reflection to find someone who wanted to be by my side and it was worth it.

This song that Sade so eloquently sung this past Friday was about being connected and never leaving even through the difficult moments. You should consider it an honor and a privilege that you were able to find someone who wants to be in your corner and vice versa.  In my opinion, once you get married you are supposed to be connected for life. But we aren’t. Too often we enter marriage for the  celebration. We can breathe easier now that we can get off the dating treadmill, or we have that sperm donor, or that meal ticket that will provide what we were really looking for. When the marriage finally implodes, we realize the connections were never there, I’ll just move on. We justify our action by saying, “Life is short. I should be happy.”

It’s understandable that all marriages won’t last. And you should be happy. But understand this, I can only hope that you exhaust all  options, and seek support to work as a couple on your issues before you break that connection. Or, you may find yourself singing another Sade song, “Is it a Crime.”

He tastes her kiss

her kisses are not wine

they’re not mine.

He takes

but surely she can’t give what I’m feeling now.

She takes

but surely she doesn’t know how.

Is it a crime? Is it a crime that I still want you?

And I want you to want me too.

Allow marriage to provide warmth, when the cold inside your heart.

Allow marriage to provide a sense of openness when you feel shut out from the other things in life.

Allow marriage to provide a sense of peace when there is chaos on the job.

And be thankful there is someone ‘By your Side’ to be that provider.

So even though, I love your music and the aura that is Sade,
I am sticking with my provider, PG.

Do what it takes, or get the help you need to stay by their side.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach, and President of Strive 2 Succeed Coaching Services.  Whether it’s a discussion about who to look for in a soul mate, how to improve my relationship, or a discussion about the opposite sex and creating healthy relationships, couples are looking for someone to acknowledge their issues and provide solutions. I have been working with couples for more than 3 years helping them to explore their passions and dreams in their relationships, and the necessary steps to achieve them. He can be reached at for questions and appointments.