Mature Love has no surprises – 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot. – Part 2

I hope you had a stimulating conversation with your partner around 21 Questions you must ask before you tie the knot – Part 1. Today we will explore list the final 11 questions that will help gain clarity on the type of marriage/relationship you want to have with your partner.

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here! The questions are designed to generate discussion to a stronger relationship. Write if you AGREE or DISAGREE with each statement.

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11. If the phone rings, you should stop what you’re doing and answer it, even if you are eating dinner, talking with your partner, watching a movie together or cuddling.

12. If a close friend needs money, you open your wallet, no questions asked.

13. Casual flirting at parties is harmless.

14. You should feel free to discuss problems in your marriage with a close friend or family member whom you trust.

15. You enjoy receiving spontaneous invitations to go out with friends.

16. It’s okay if your partner invites a friend to your home without asking you.

17. It’s okay for you or your partner to have friends with the opposite sex.

18. You prefer vacationing with friends rather than as a couple.

19. You can’t bear to disappoint your mother.

20 If your parents lend you money to buy a home, they should have a say in your purchase.

21. Your spouse should always comes first, no matter what.

Now that you have completed both parts of the exercise, talk about one’s you agreed with and discuss why you gave your particular answer. This will strengthen unity prior to the big day. Then discuss the one’s where your answers were different. Decide which partner will go first and give them ample time to explain their answer without interruption.

The role of this exercise is to acknowledge the areas where you have agreements and disagreements, and get into the habit of talking about how you will live your daily lives given the information each of you provided.

When couples can embrace their differences, they can more easily face conflict without putting a wedge between their marriage.

Don’t let a few differences keep you from having the marriage you truly want. Coach Keith can help empower your marriage.

“Create your future from your future, not your past” – Werner Erhard

10 Keys to Winning the Super Bowl in Marriage!

By about 10:30 this evening, either Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49’ers, or Joe Flacco of the Baltimore  Ravens will cement their place in history by winning the  Super Bowl. I am sure they have had a sleepless night running through the great expectations that will be thrust upon them to lead their teams to victory.  There are several things they will have to do in order to win the game.

Getting married is the same way. This is probably the one event in our lives where there is a set specific date, with a lot of spectators and a lot on the line. So like Colin and Joe, what must we do to prepare for the Super Bowl of Marriage?

Here are 10 keys to Winning the Super Bowl of Marriage!

1. Know your Strengths and Weaknesses. Colin Kaepernick has a strong arm and is known for scrambling and running for big yards. While Flacco is the quintessential drop-back passer. In marriage we must know what we do well. Whether we are good listeners, strong at handling finances, or great planners, we must exploit our gifts and minimize our weaknesses to make our marriage successful.
2. Know the Strengths of your other star and put them in the best position to succeed. Both Kaepernick and Flacco have strong running games with the likes of Frank Gore (49’ers) and Ray Rice (Ravens). In marriage, you have a partner that is ready and willing to shoulder the load. Get them involved early, otherwise they might check-out.
3. Commit to the Game Plan, but call an audible if things aren’t working. All week, Kaepernick and Flacco have determined what the best plan will be to attack the other team in order to win. In order to win the Super Bowl of Marriage, you must also have a Game Plan. If you don’t have a plan in the first quarter of your marriage, it could help you lose the game before it really begins. Communication with the other players is the key. If you see something isn’t going right, don’t be afraid to call an audible.
4. Fumbling or throwing an interception is part of the game. Don’t let it derail your confidence. Accept it and move on. Since this is the first Super Bowl for Kaepernick and Flacco, they may be so hyped-up they may make a mistake early in the game trying to force the action. In marriage, we have the tendency to ride the high of the honeymoon phase. We take it for granted and make mistakes that can slowly erode the excitement. Don’ minimize mistakes, accept it and move on. You will have a lot of time left in the game to make up for it.
5. If you are about to get sacked by the defense, run.  Ray Lewis and company are salivating at the chance to sack Colin Kaepernick, as well as Patrick Lewis and the 49’ers defense would love to flush Joe Flacco out of the pocket. Obstacles in marriage will come. In the course of the game of marriage opportunities of infidelity can come at anytime if your partner feels unappreciated and lets their guard down. As the quarterback if you feel that’s getting close to you, run downfield to your spouse and figure out what you need to do to protect it.
6. To change the game of marriage you might have to throw in a trick play. In the 2010 Super Bowl, the New Orleans Saints ran a trick play, an onside kick, to change the momentum of the game that helped them ultimately win the Super Bowl. During the course of the game of marriage, you may have to run a trick play to infuse some life back into your marriage. Whether it’s getting away from the routine of your lives, or increasing your sexual relationship, have the courage and conviction to call this play when necessary.
7. Calm your players during the heat of the battle. During a crucial moment of Super Bowl XXIII, Joe Montana relaxed his guys by having offense look into the stands toward a celebrity. This allowed the team as well as himself to get on track and close-out the Bengals beating them 20-16. In the game of marriage, conflict is inevitable, the longer you play the game. There will be conflict amongst your star player, your spouse, from your job, your family and your children. It will take you and/or your spouse to take a step back, show calmness and clarity during any situation in order to move forward.
8. Throw the ball downfield. Colin Kaepernick and Joe Flacco, both have strong arms. Throwing the ball downfield is exciting, especially when no one is expecting it. This is similar in the game of marriage. Spontaneous actions, or surprise gifts just show your spouse you love them can go along way to making the game of marriage memorable.
9. Great coaching can help change the momentum of the game. For the first time in history, two brothers, Jim Harbaugh of the San Francisco 49’ers and John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens, will coach against each other in the Super Bowl. Both coaches, even though they are born only 15 months apart are very different in their approach to coaching. John says all the right things, gets all the right jokes, makes all the right moves, whether it be setting up a news conference so the most veteran reporter in the room asks the first question or playfully imitating his brother’s clichés. Jim is the opposite of charming, visibly bristling at his surroundings, looking strangely at reporters, refusing this week to answer a query about his favorite food, snapping at the poor journalist who referred to the string hanging around his neck during games as a “necklace.” Both coaches, and their staffs, proved that they have what it takes to change their game plan to meet the situation they are facing. They do it in the moment, too, with all of the pressure and weight of the world mounting on their shoulders. In the game of marriage, utilizing a relationship coach during the heat of the moment can help change your game plan, especially if the pressure of life is mounting on both your shoulders. Don’t be afraid to use them.
10. When you win, you go to Disney World. It’s almost certain that Colin Kaepernick or Joe Flacco will be selected to go to Disney World as the MVP of the Super Bowl. During the course of the game of marriage, you must take some time to celebrate your successes. The game of marriage is fun and exciting as long as you stick to your game plan, expect obstacles that will derail the plan, but have the calmness and clarity to ride it out.

Good luck, to Colin and Joe! I hope both of you play well. Also good luck to you. I hope you enjoy these 7 keys to winning the Super Bowl of Marriage.

Coach Keith