RSS

Tag Archives: men

6 Step Plan To Get Your Husband Off the Bench and Into The Game.

Ladies! Has your frustration returned now that Valentine’s Day is over and your husband is back to chillin’ on the couch watching countless hours of sports.

Do you ever wonder what is it about sports that men love so much? If you are still befuddled by this question the next time you get in your car and go to the store, turn on your local sports radio station. You will hear grown men so excited and passionate about getting their point across about a sports moment that happened days before sometimes even years. These men will wait up to 30 minutes to make sure they do so.

Men love sports because it’s fun, spontaneous, thrilling and exciting. Isn’t that how you want your marriages to be? Often times it’s the opposite, boring, and predictable.

So what do you have to do to win at the Game of Love? Here is a 6-step game plan to get your marriage back on track.

  1. Have a powerful slogan

Every season, teams that excel have powerful slogans to remind them of the goal of winning. In 2017, the Cleveland Cavaliers slogan for the playoffs was “Defend the Land”. So as a family you should come up with a slogan that defines who you are as a family and reminds each other why you are commitment.

cleveland

  1. Constantly reminding him his importance on the team.

On any given team, there players that don’t get a lot of credit, but are the essential to winning and losing. Your husband may be that guy. He may not be overly flashy, or the life of the party. He just gets the job done. You should remind him that his role is valuable and vital to your success as a couple.

giphy (9)

  1. To stay at the top takes work.

Your wedding with all the pomp and circumstance is like the ultimate championship game. Staying on top takes work, so you must challenge him not to get complacent. Treat your time together like practice where you learn new things about each other and make it routine.

giphy (11)

  1. Know when to call a time-out?

In any given game, you can feel the momentum shift to the other side. The coach will call a time-out in order for the team to rest, re-group and reassess the game plan.  You should do that in your marriage, especially if you feel the momentum shifting and it’s inevitable that they will. If you see your husband starts to become disengaged, no energy or just plain angry, or you aren’t happy. Don’t be afraid to call a time-out. If you let things go, you may lose.

giphy (12)

  1. Treat sex like a game.

Sex to a man is like a conquest. Treat it like one. In the bedroom, men feel great when you enjoy sex just as much as he does. It makes him feel accomplished. Overtime it gets harder and harder to set aside to enjoy this part of marriage. Do things like trash-talking (i.e. flirting), putting on your best outfit and creating a build-up to the main event.

giphy (13)

  1. Treat the kids like the rookies.

Your kids are just like tiny adults. They are going to need to understand the family slogan in order to thrive and excel. As co-captain of the team it’s the responsibility of both of you to give them the tools they will need to be successful. Make sure you challenge them, give them a voice and most of all have fun.

giphy (14)

Working as a team is never easy. It takes commitment to a desired goal, discipline, motivation, trust and a few lucky bounces of the ball. By treating your marriage more like a game, your husband can truly understand the importance of his role and will work to win.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 20, 2018 in In the Paint, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Raising Boys Is Hard, But I’m Still Thankful I Got The Job.

Myboys

I always thought  raising a teenage daughter would be challenging. From empowering her to be the best she can be to making sure she doesn’t get hurt by some boy or man. I had a lot to worry about.

To read more about why raising boys is hard, click here.
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 29, 2017 in Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Image

For Men, Respect is More Important than Love!

df4689e22d2bd6d4f64ea63bf31acce6

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,

When You’re a Real Man…A Real Woman! (Love Tune Tuesday. Vol 9.20.16)

I am a real man
Lord knows it’s hard
Sometimes I just need a woman’s touch
Sweet affection, love and support
When it’s real it’s unconditional
I’m telling y’all

You’re a real woman
Lord knows it’s hard
You need a real man to give you what you need
Sweet attention, love and tenderness
When it’s real, it’s unconditional
I’m telling y’all

images-13

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 20, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Image

Are You a Man With Dreams?

preview

 
 

Tags: , , , ,

Are You That One Man Out Of 4 That Is Abusing His Wife. Get Help While You Still Can!

We have to do better by the women we call mom, wife girlfriend, sister cousin. Too often, we hear stories about how they are being murdered or abused by a dad, husband, boyfriend, brother or cousin and powerless to do anything about it.

You will always hear about how the victim’s family noticed something that was wrong, or rushed in to take her to a hospital or a shelter.

But what about the abuser’s family. Do they not see the scars of the victim? Do they not see how their male relative wreaks havoc onto his wife and children?

Maybe a blind eye is turned only to come back later with tears and apologies because they did nothing more. Or perhaps, they just didn’t know the signs.

This past week I attended a Domestic Violence Symposium sponsored by the YWCA of Union County, NJ and was startled by some of the things I saw and heard.

One of four women are victims of Domestic Violence and every day, at least 3 women are murdered every day by a husband or boyfriend. So if I had to break this down to its smallest form, all I would have to do was think about a dinner party I attended that same night with the brothers that lived across the street from me. One of their wives’ could possibly be a victim of domestic violence.

How Does It Start.

First there was Joe. He was the oldest brother and we had known each other the longest, thirty years. He was an easy-going guy, the life of the party. His wife on the other hand was very outspoken almost to the point of being mean. How would domestic violence happen in this case? It would start out by verbal altercations that would lead to a slap or a punch. Physical abuse wouldn’t happen right away.

husband-beating-wife

In fact, Denair Huggins, the keynote speaker, at this event explained that’s how her abuse started. If I had heard this was the case with my oldest friend, I would feel compelled to say something if for nothing else to keep him from killing someone and going to jail for the rest of his life. And what do you think he would say? Probably one of two things. He would admit to me, “This will never happen again.” Or tell me to get lost. With this confrontation, the episodes may die down, but without serious intervention or support the violence will only escalate.

I just need to keep my family together.

The I think about Jackson. He was the youngest brother, but he had been married the longest. He had two beautiful children by his wife Diane whom he had dated since college. Because there are children involved and I was their Godfather, it would take every fiber of my being to keep me from inflicting that same punishment he unleashed on his wife. But knowing her, she would not want that. Coming from a family where her parents have been married almost forty years, she would see this as a failure if her family fell apart.

That’s the same reason, Natalie Saveedra used in a recent article in the New York Times only to be stabbed in a murder-suicide by her husband that resulted in her children being raised by relatives instead of their loving home.

I have no Income, what am I going to do.

I finally think about Jameson who is now the sole income provider. 98% of domestic abuse cases also involve some sort of financial abuse. This type of abuse takes on 3 types.

  • Economic Control where the abuser makes all the important decisions when it comes to finances.
  • Employment Sabotage where the abuser makes it impossible for the victim to maintain employment because the abuser consistently makes a scene or several until she finally quits amidst embarrassment
  • Economic exploitation where the victims credit gets destroyed because the abuser ruined it by taking out lines of credit in their name.

download (2)

One of the scenarios may be impacting your family right now. We can’t sit by and watch our sister’s-in-law, mother’s-in-law fall prey the males we are closest to abuse their spouses.

We have to help our men to understand and admit their behavior is a problem. Not only for them, but for their families and our communities.

They must take responsibility for their actions and put the work in if they want to change their behavior. And just like we stand by the victim, we must also stand by the abuser and get them the help they need. Before it’s too late.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 16, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,

7 Reasons Why Your Relationship is Like Playing In The Paint!

If you have ever watched, or played a basketball game, there is a place on the court that is called “The Paint.” It’s the rectangular area on the court contained within the key. The key is the area that encompasses the middle of the floor underneath the basket. It is often shaded, which explains the origin of the word, and always has a semi-circle attached on the short side opposite the basket.

basketballCourtFloor

In a basketball game this is the area where the big boys play. It’s also one of the most important areas on the basketball court. There is lots of bumping, shoving, and pushing in the paint. It’s also the place where you can get rebounds and score easy baskets. If you can’t master this area in a basketball game, you are less likely to win.

Being in a marriage there is similar to Playing In the Paint. In marriage, there are seven qualities that make it similar to this important part of basketball.

  1. When You Play in the Paint, you have to know your strengths. Dennis Rodman knew he was a great rebounder, and he worked on his craft to make sure he was an asset to his team. In marriage, you need to know your strengths as well as the strength of your partner, to ensure you are pushing each other to be their best self. thHUW9X37H
  2. When You Play in the Paint, you have to be able to trust your teammate. The Boston Celtics of the 80’s are considered one of the top frontcourt tandem of all time. They had ferocious grace and skill, but their best characteristic was they had each other’s back on the court. When you are marriage, you are competing against so much; work, the kids, outside pressures, that you have to be able to trust each other no matter what.
  3. When You Play in the Paint you will get angry. Some of the biggest fights, visible or not will happen in the painted area. It happens when you are in close proximity to each other. Marriage is no different. You are in close proximity to you spouse for the rest of you life. It’s normal. The most important part is how you handle your anger.
  4. When You Play in the Paint you have to be able to talk. It’s the job of the other team to screen and shield you from their player, so they can score. In order to play defense effectively, you will have to be able to communicate. In marriage, communication is the lifeblood to any marriage in order to establish goals and avoid any obstacles that may get in the way of being fulfilled,
  5. When You Play in the Paint you create an identity. The Detroit Pistons of the 90’s where also called the BAD BOYS, because they were known for playing hard nosed basketball and inflicting pain on their court to help provide and edge. In marriage, you want to create a set of core beliefs and principles that you will live by. This will clearly help move in the same direction as your marriage progresses. It was also help you establish a set of principles to pass down once the kids arrive.
  6. When You Play in the Paint  you have to be able to defend. Akeem Olajuwon and Ralph Sampson, aka The Twin Towers, made it almost impossible for offiensive players to score down low. In marriage you have to have a great defense if you are going to make it. In this instance, defense means the ability to handle your finances. If you struggle in this area, you will struggle in marriage.
  7. When You Play in the Paint you develop a special bond. The chemistry among the members that play in the paint can be very fulfilling. This play is taken for granted in a typical basketball game today, since centers are no longer the focal point of the team. In reality, these players are the unsung heroes of any team. In marriage, your sexual bond, is very important, but it is often taken for granted especially when the children, your career and take precedent. By paying attention to this important aspect can help you keep your marriage fresh and interesting.

thGUT977UG

 

Excerpts from this blog is taken from Coach Keith’s upcoming new book In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love. If you are interested reserving your copy, e-mail him at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

 

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 18, 2016 in In the Paint, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,