RSS

Tag Archives: men

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Falling in Love With a Narcissist

pexels-photo-1000225.jpeg

 

Every one has to fall in love with a narcissist one time in their life. It’s the best way to experience the total emotional spectrum in a relationship. It will provide everything from the opportunity to be charmed beyond your wildest dreams to eventually getting to the point where you can no longer stand this person.

So what are the steps to finding the narcissist of your dreams?

Step #1 – Make sure you are always dressed like a million bucks

A narcissist believes life is always about him. His appearance will be impeccable when your eyes meet. He will also be very quick to flatter your beauty and intellect because he is envisions the two of you together. So make sure the hair, clothes, nails, etc. are on point.

Step #2 – Be empathetic

Since a narcissist has no real empathy for anything or anyone he will be drawn to the mere fact that you can show that type of emotion towards them.

Step #3 – Let  his shame tug at your heartstrings

Most of the time when you are with him everything will be perfect. But be on guard. There will be a few times when he lets his hair down and talks about his shame. Be prepared to have it tug at your heart. Let me caution you, don’t try to help him acknowledge his shame, though. It may result in a fit of emotional rage.

Step #4 – You must have a fond appreciation for actors

Your narcissist man will be able to emulate anything you want them to be. If it’s a family man, he will dote on his kids and spoil them in all the ways that make him look good. Don’t worry about disciplining them, that will be your job.

Step #5 – Be prepared to move on

No matter how rocky the relationship will be and just when you think your relationship is about to turnaround, he will be out. According to an article in Psychology Today The narcissist loved being in a relationship—but only on his terms.

In the end you will gain clarity on the fact that your narcissist lover has severe emotional issues that you will eventually walk away from so the emotionally healthy one can find you.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching. He is the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love and appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. He also cohosts a FB LiveStream show called CouplesConversation.

Advertisements
 
1 Comment

Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

6 Step Plan To Get Your Husband Off the Bench and Into The Game.

Ladies! Has your frustration returned now that Valentine’s Day is over and your husband is back to chillin’ on the couch watching countless hours of sports.

Do you ever wonder what is it about sports that men love so much? If you are still befuddled by this question the next time you get in your car and go to the store, turn on your local sports radio station. You will hear grown men so excited and passionate about getting their point across about a sports moment that happened days before sometimes even years. These men will wait up to 30 minutes to make sure they do so.

Men love sports because it’s fun, spontaneous, thrilling and exciting. Isn’t that how you want your marriages to be? Often times it’s the opposite, boring, and predictable.

So what do you have to do to win at the Game of Love? Here is a 6-step game plan to get your marriage back on track.

  1. Have a powerful slogan

Every season, teams that excel have powerful slogans to remind them of the goal of winning. In 2017, the Cleveland Cavaliers slogan for the playoffs was “Defend the Land”. So as a family you should come up with a slogan that defines who you are as a family and reminds each other why you are commitment.

cleveland

  1. Constantly reminding him his importance on the team.

On any given team, there players that don’t get a lot of credit, but are the essential to winning and losing. Your husband may be that guy. He may not be overly flashy, or the life of the party. He just gets the job done. You should remind him that his role is valuable and vital to your success as a couple.

giphy (9)

  1. To stay at the top takes work.

Your wedding with all the pomp and circumstance is like the ultimate championship game. Staying on top takes work, so you must challenge him not to get complacent. Treat your time together like practice where you learn new things about each other and make it routine.

giphy (11)

  1. Know when to call a time-out?

In any given game, you can feel the momentum shift to the other side. The coach will call a time-out in order for the team to rest, re-group and reassess the game plan.  You should do that in your marriage, especially if you feel the momentum shifting and it’s inevitable that they will. If you see your husband starts to become disengaged, no energy or just plain angry, or you aren’t happy. Don’t be afraid to call a time-out. If you let things go, you may lose.

giphy (12)

  1. Treat sex like a game.

Sex to a man is like a conquest. Treat it like one. In the bedroom, men feel great when you enjoy sex just as much as he does. It makes him feel accomplished. Overtime it gets harder and harder to set aside to enjoy this part of marriage. Do things like trash-talking (i.e. flirting), putting on your best outfit and creating a build-up to the main event.

giphy (13)

  1. Treat the kids like the rookies.

Your kids are just like tiny adults. They are going to need to understand the family slogan in order to thrive and excel. As co-captain of the team it’s the responsibility of both of you to give them the tools they will need to be successful. Make sure you challenge them, give them a voice and most of all have fun.

giphy (14)

Working as a team is never easy. It takes commitment to a desired goal, discipline, motivation, trust and a few lucky bounces of the ball. By treating your marriage more like a game, your husband can truly understand the importance of his role and will work to win.

Keith Dent is a relationship, life coach at www.strive2succeedcoaching.com . He has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamMia and The Real Dad’s Network and is the author of the In The Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 20, 2018 in In the Paint, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Raising Boys Is Hard, But I’m Still Thankful I Got The Job.

Myboys

I always thought  raising a teenage daughter would be challenging. From empowering her to be the best she can be to making sure she doesn’t get hurt by some boy or man. I had a lot to worry about.

To read more about why raising boys is hard, click here.
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 29, 2017 in Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Image

For Men, Respect is More Important than Love!

df4689e22d2bd6d4f64ea63bf31acce6

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,

When You’re a Real Man…A Real Woman! (Love Tune Tuesday. Vol 9.20.16)

I am a real man
Lord knows it’s hard
Sometimes I just need a woman’s touch
Sweet affection, love and support
When it’s real it’s unconditional
I’m telling y’all

You’re a real woman
Lord knows it’s hard
You need a real man to give you what you need
Sweet attention, love and tenderness
When it’s real, it’s unconditional
I’m telling y’all

images-13

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 20, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Image

Are You a Man With Dreams?

preview

 
 

Tags: , , , ,

Are You That One Man Out Of 4 That Is Abusing His Wife. Get Help While You Still Can!

We have to do better by the women we call mom, wife girlfriend, sister cousin. Too often, we hear stories about how they are being murdered or abused by a dad, husband, boyfriend, brother or cousin and powerless to do anything about it.

You will always hear about how the victim’s family noticed something that was wrong, or rushed in to take her to a hospital or a shelter.

But what about the abuser’s family. Do they not see the scars of the victim? Do they not see how their male relative wreaks havoc onto his wife and children?

Maybe a blind eye is turned only to come back later with tears and apologies because they did nothing more. Or perhaps, they just didn’t know the signs.

This past week I attended a Domestic Violence Symposium sponsored by the YWCA of Union County, NJ and was startled by some of the things I saw and heard.

One of four women are victims of Domestic Violence and every day, at least 3 women are murdered every day by a husband or boyfriend. So if I had to break this down to its smallest form, all I would have to do was think about a dinner party I attended that same night with the brothers that lived across the street from me. One of their wives’ could possibly be a victim of domestic violence.

How Does It Start.

First there was Joe. He was the oldest brother and we had known each other the longest, thirty years. He was an easy-going guy, the life of the party. His wife on the other hand was very outspoken almost to the point of being mean. How would domestic violence happen in this case? It would start out by verbal altercations that would lead to a slap or a punch. Physical abuse wouldn’t happen right away.

husband-beating-wife

In fact, Denair Huggins, the keynote speaker, at this event explained that’s how her abuse started. If I had heard this was the case with my oldest friend, I would feel compelled to say something if for nothing else to keep him from killing someone and going to jail for the rest of his life. And what do you think he would say? Probably one of two things. He would admit to me, “This will never happen again.” Or tell me to get lost. With this confrontation, the episodes may die down, but without serious intervention or support the violence will only escalate.

I just need to keep my family together.

The I think about Jackson. He was the youngest brother, but he had been married the longest. He had two beautiful children by his wife Diane whom he had dated since college. Because there are children involved and I was their Godfather, it would take every fiber of my being to keep me from inflicting that same punishment he unleashed on his wife. But knowing her, she would not want that. Coming from a family where her parents have been married almost forty years, she would see this as a failure if her family fell apart.

That’s the same reason, Natalie Saveedra used in a recent article in the New York Times only to be stabbed in a murder-suicide by her husband that resulted in her children being raised by relatives instead of their loving home.

I have no Income, what am I going to do.

I finally think about Jameson who is now the sole income provider. 98% of domestic abuse cases also involve some sort of financial abuse. This type of abuse takes on 3 types.

  • Economic Control where the abuser makes all the important decisions when it comes to finances.
  • Employment Sabotage where the abuser makes it impossible for the victim to maintain employment because the abuser consistently makes a scene or several until she finally quits amidst embarrassment
  • Economic exploitation where the victims credit gets destroyed because the abuser ruined it by taking out lines of credit in their name.

download (2)

One of the scenarios may be impacting your family right now. We can’t sit by and watch our sister’s-in-law, mother’s-in-law fall prey the males we are closest to abuse their spouses.

We have to help our men to understand and admit their behavior is a problem. Not only for them, but for their families and our communities.

They must take responsibility for their actions and put the work in if they want to change their behavior. And just like we stand by the victim, we must also stand by the abuser and get them the help they need. Before it’s too late.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 16, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,