Is your love catered to her tastes? It’s common to give love the way we want to receive love. But your love language probably doesn’t match hers. If you are not sure if yours match, here is a way to find out.
If you would rather be more direct, ask this question: “Honey, do you feel the depth of my love? Not do you know it, but do you feel it? If not, how can I nourish your soul?”
Do you realize your love is crucial to her survival? It’s no secret many women feel malnourished by their husbands. Their closets may be stuffed with clothes and pantry stocked with food, but their souls are famished for attention and craving emotional sustenance from the one who promised to love them until “death do us part.”
Can you believe that even though you are married, you might not be meeting your partner’s needs?
For example you might assume that you are no longer have to check-in with your spouse every day, since you go to him or her. On the contrary, you might have to do it more because other distractions like work and kids can keep you from really connecting. And if this is one of your partner’s core need, this can really cause friction in your marriage.
So if you want to know if your partner’s needs are being met here are FOUR questions that you should ask to get the dialogue going?
What are your partner’s 3 basic core needs?
According to Willard Harley, author of His Needs/Her Needs, failing to make your partner happy is one of the main sources of conflict within a marriage. Most successful couples don’t get married because the sex was so incredible they needed it all the time, or they knew they would be financially set for life. People get married because they feel their partner will meet their most important needs. If you don’t know what they are, then you should ask.
What are your needs?
This is important because if your needs aren’t being met, you surely aren’t going to meet your partner’s needs. If you are without your needs being met, then you resent your partner for it. Make sure you are clear on what you need and communicate that to your partner.
Are you ready to meet their needs?
This may involve some adjustments on your part. Let’s go back to the check-in example. If you have a very busy schedule, you will have to be strategic on how you show your partner that his/her need to hear from you is being met. You may have to carve out time on your calendar or be creative on how you check in. The question you want to ask yourself, “Is this person important in your life and will you do what it takes to make them happy?”
Will your partner meet your needs?
If your partner is tuned in, he/she will make sure that your needs are met. If not, you will need to have a frank conversation before you go elsewhere to have your needs met.
If you feel your needs aren’t being met, but you are having difficulty talking about it, please contact Keith Dent for a free consultation at email@example.com.
We as a society may be consumed by Infidelity because couples have a difficult time answering these questions that are about to be examined in Esther Perel’s new book The State of Affairs. The book goes on sale this Tuesday.
Are we still passionately in love with our spouse?
Are there some fulfillments that even a good marriage can’t provide?
Do erotic desires sometime trump emotional needs?
Is it okay to love more than one person?
Are we a nation that can no longer be monogamous?
These are just some of the questions that are affecting our ability to step beyond the boundary of marriage.
What other challenges do you think we face as a society?
You didn’t marry the man of your dreams. He is the one you’ve prayed for and he’ll surprise at some times. The vows you make today will be tested every day and you will learn the meaning of integrity through your commitment to each other. You had 5 years to learn about him but it’ll be like anew as your husband, so be fair and forgiving. Don’t overthink nor be self-conscious. He will love you selflessly and always be the first to apologize because he can’t stand seeing you disappointed. He cherishes you that much.
You will be reminded to appreciate every moment together and not to take each other for granted. So don’t. Even at moments of disagreements and when you think you’re right. Every year will go by quick, even faster with a child. You will raise the most precious boy together who will fill your life with joy and drama. Yet, you will always find time to keep that fire burning because after all that you do, you’re still alive. He will worry about you, cry with you, get frustrated, grieve, want you, be challenged in his habits and pray for you more than ever. And you will do the same with all of your soul. You will love each other through it because it is all worth it. It will not be easy but nothing neither of you can’t handle without God and community of friends who truly love you.
Enjoy this day. Though it might seem as part of your bigger life “plans”, you are making the right choice with this man. You will love each other more with each passing day. Trust and believe that you will need it. Hold him up. Hold it down. Don’t know what the years to come will bring but he will be all the man you need. Love it all.
Studies show that those who maintained their love for each other scheduled time to be together almost every day have better communication, solidifies commitment and it offers an exciting way to de-stress. While their daily time together varied, the time they end each week was almost always over fifteen hours. What do you think?
I would love to hear your thoughts? How much couple time is needed with your spouse in order to add value to your relationship?
If you would like to share a great story, please do so at firstname.lastname@example.org