4 Ways to Know if Your Marriage is Meeting Your Needs.

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Can you believe that even though you are married, you might not be meeting your partner’s needs?

For example you might assume that you are no longer have to check-in with your spouse every day, since you go to him or her. On the contrary, you might have to do it more because other distractions like work and kids can keep you from really connecting. And if this is one of your partner’s core need, this can really cause friction in your marriage.

So if you want to know if your partner’s needs are being met here are FOUR questions that you should ask to get the dialogue going?

What are your partner’s 3 basic core needs?

According to Willard Harley, author of His Needs/Her Needs, failing to make your partner happy is one of the main sources of conflict within a marriage. Most successful couples don’t get married because the sex was so incredible they needed it all the time, or they knew they would be financially set for life. People get married because they feel their partner will meet their most important needs. If you don’t  know what they are, then you should ask.

What are your needs?

This is important because if your needs aren’t being met, you surely aren’t going to meet your partner’s needs. If you are without your needs being met, then you resent your partner for it. Make sure you are clear on what you need and communicate that to your partner.

Are you ready to meet their needs?

This may involve some adjustments on your part. Let’s go back to the check-in example. If you have a very busy schedule, you will have to be strategic on how you show your partner that his/her need to hear from you is being met. You may have to carve out time on your calendar or be creative on how you check in. The question you want to ask yourself, “Is this person important in your life and will you do what it takes to make them happy?”

Will your partner meet your needs?

If your partner is tuned in, he/she will make sure that your needs are met. If not, you will need to have a frank conversation before you go elsewhere to have your needs met.

If you feel your needs aren’t being met, but you are having difficulty talking about it, please contact Keith Dent for a free consultation at info@keithdent.com.

Calling all Men! Take the 5 for $5 Admiration challenge.

Over the next few days, you are going to hear commercials on the types of gifts you can buy your wife for Mother’s Day; From Shari’s Berries to Every gift begins with Kay you will be inundated with those last-minute gift ideas.

Whatever item, you buy your spouse, it will be next impossible to compete with the hand-made, stick-figured cards or the wonderful Mother’s Day celebration at your kid’s school.

Your wife may not always be looking for just a gift from you. According to Willard Harley’s book His Needs, Her Needs, admiration is considered one of the essential needs for a strong marriage. In fact your spouse may have fallen in love with you partly because of your compliments to her. Your wife may just love to be told that they are appreciated.

Many of us have a deep desire to be respected, valued and appreciated by our spouse. We need to be affirmed clearly and often. It doesn’t take a lot of money to let your wife know how important she is to you.

So for Mother’s Day I have created an opportunity to do just that and have fun with it.It’s called the 5 for $5 Admiration Challenge. It’s an opportunity to show your wife how special she is to you without spending lots of money. The object of the challenge is to find 5 symbols that represent characteristics that you admire about your spouse, but you can only spend $5 for the entire exercise, i.e. I used a lightbulb to represent the fact that I admired my wife for her intelligence.

I recently performed this exercise for the Jack-n-Jill’s Father Appreciation dinner. The husbands loved it, one because it was a surprise and two because their wives’ words came from the heart. In fact, the wive’s of the Jack and Jill Chapter of Long Island loved it more.

I hope I am got your creative juices flowing because this Mother’s Day will be memorable the more thought you put into it.

If your are a mother, or a wife, share this with your husbands. I would love to hear what they come up with. Over the course of the week I will share the 5 things I admire about my wife.

 

Coach Keith