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5 reasons why a WedLease still leaves you empty?

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Paul Rampell is a lawyer in Palm Beach who specializes in estate planning wrote an Op-Ed piece in the Washington Post about the possibility of WedLeases over marriage.

Marriage is a legal partnership that is supposed to last a lifetime — one lifetime to be exact, that of the first of the spouses to die. Rampell felt that generally speaking, that is too long time for any partnership. Our behavior dictates that people, circumstances and all sorts of other things change. The compatibility of any two people over decades may decline with these changes to the point of extinction.

So we should borrow from real estate and create a marital lease? Instead of wedlock, a “wedlease.”

Here’s how a marital lease could work: Two people commit themselves to marriage for a period of years — one year, five years, 10 years, whatever term suits them. The marital lease could be renewed at the end of the term however many times a couple likes. It could end up lasting a lifetime if the relationship is good and worth continuing. But if the relationship is bad, the couple could go their separate ways at the end of the term. The messiness of divorces is avoided and the end can be as simple as vacating a rental unit.

So like In real estate, why don’t we have the option for shorter term marriages. For example, since we have become accustomed to prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements, why not a marital lease to help minimize the high divorce rate.

Here are 5 reasons why a WedLease will still leave you empty.

  1. WEdLease contract won’t stop the pain. – If there are two people involved in marriage, there is bound to be some pain at some point, whether it be the first year of marriage or in 20 years. The benefit of marriage, is to hunker down and work through it.
  2. Limits on time and increase the distance.  If you aren’t really vested in the marriage, you will bide your time until the WedLease ends. How will you do that by putting as much distance between your lease spouse as possible. In a marriage, it is your responsibility to work hard every day to keep it fresh.
  3. No opportunity to repair the damage.  Even after the WedLease has ended due to a bad 5 years, you will still pay for the damage to the other partner. It’s always great to hear when couples continue to thrive in a marriage even after they had a serious setback.
  4. You are constantly keeping score. When you enter into a WedLease agreement, you will continuously be keeping score. So if you decide to renew for another 5 years, you, or your partner will make sure you get what you deserve as a result of each and every misstep by the other. Marriage is supposed to be about partnership. Teamwork!  When you win, your partner wins.
  5. You are constantly accommodating and not growing! When you enter into a marriage, it’s with another human being. With any team, you have to work together awhile before you start to kick in on all cylinders. It’s very empowering when you see your partner grow for the better and you feel you had a part in that.  In a WedLease, you would have to constantly accomodate the other partner until you feel comfortable.

Would you support a WedLease? What terms would be crucial for its success?

 

 

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Posted by on September 4, 2013 in iLoveStrong QoTD, Uncategorized

 

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10 Keys to Winning the Super Bowl in Marriage!

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By about 10:30 this evening, either Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49’ers, or Joe Flacco of the Baltimore  Ravens will cement their place in history by winning the  Super Bowl. I am sure they have had a sleepless night running through the great expectations that will be thrust upon them to lead their teams to victory.  There are several things they will have to do in order to win the game.Colin-Kaepernick-Joe-Flacco

Getting married is the same way. This is probably the one event in our lives where there is a set specific date, with a lot of spectators and a lot on the line. So like Colin and Joe, what must we do to prepare for the Super Bowl of Marriage?

Here are 10 keys to Winning the Super Bowl of Marriage!

  1. Know your Strengths and Weaknesses. Colin Kaepernick has a strong arm and is known for scrambling and running for big yards. While Flacco is the quintessential drop-back passer. In marriage we must know what we do well. Whether we are good listeners, strong at handling finances, or great planners, we must exploit our gifts and minimize our weaknesses to make our marriage successful.
  2. Know the Strengths of your other star and put them in the best position to succeed. Both Kaepernick and Flacco have strong running games with the likes of Frank Gore (49’ers) and Ray Rice (Ravens). In marriage, you have a partner that is ready and willing to shoulder the load. Get them involved early, otherwise they might check-out.football3
  3. Commit to the Game Plan, but call an audible if things aren’t working. All week, Kaepernick and Flacco have determined what the best plan will be to attack the other team in order to win. In order to win the Super Bowl of Marriage, you must also have a Game Plan. If you don’t have a plan in the first quarter of your marriage, it could help you lose the game before it really begins. Communication with the other players is the key. If you see something isn’t going right, don’t be afraid to call an audible.
  4. Fumbling or throwing an interception is part of the game. Don’t let it derail your confidence. Accept it and move on. Since this is the first Super Bowl for Kaepernick and Flacco, they may be so hyped-up they may make a mistake early in the game trying to force the action. In marriage, we have the tendency to ride the high of the honeymoon phase. We take it for granted and make mistakes that can slowly erode the excitement. Don’ minimize mistakes, accept it and move on. You will have a lot of time left in the game to make up for it.
  5. lifestyle-football-001If you are about to get sacked by the defense, run.  Ray Lewis and company are salivating at the chance to sack Colin Kaepernick, as well as Patrick Lewis and the 49’ers defense would love to flush Joe Flacco out of the pocket. Obstacles in marriage will come. In the course of the game of marriage opportunities of infidelity can come at anytime if your partner feels unappreciated and lets their guard down. As the quarterback if you feel that’s getting close to you, run downfield to your spouse and figure out what you need to do to protect it.
  6. To change the game of marriage you might have to throw in a trick play. In the 2010 Super Bowl, the New Orleans Saints ran a trick play, an onside kick, to change the momentum of the game that helped them ultimately win the Super Bowl. During the course of the game of marriage, you may have to run a trick play to infuse some life back into your marriage. Whether it’s getting away from the routine of your lives, or increasing your sexual relationship, have the courage and conviction to call this play when necessary.
  7. Calm your players during the heat of the battle. During a crucial moment of Super Bowl XXIII, Joe Montana relaxed his guys by having offense look into the stands toward a celebrity. This allowed the team as well as himself to get on track and close-out the Bengals beating them 20-16. In the game of marriage, conflict is inevitable, the longer you play the game. There will be conflict amongst your star player, your spouse, from your job, your family and your children. It will take you and/or your spouse to take a step back, show calmness and clarity during any situation in order to move forward.
  8. Throw the ball downfield. Colin Kaepernick and Joe Flacco, both have strong arms. Throwing the ball downfield is exciting, especially when no one is expecting it. This is similar in the game of marriage. Spontaneous actions, or surprise gifts just show your spouse you love them can go along way to making the game of marriage memorable. football7
  9. Great coaching can help change the momentum of the game. For the first time in history, two brothers, Jim Harbaugh of the San Francisco 49’ers and John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens, will coach against each other in the Super Bowl. Both coaches, even though they are born only 15 months apart are very different in their approach to coaching. John says all the right things, gets all the right jokes, makes all the right moves, whether it be setting up a news conference so the most veteran reporter in the room asks the first question or playfully imitating his brother’s clichés. Jim is the opposite of charming, visibly bristling at his surroundings, looking strangely at reporters, refusing this week to answer a query about his favorite food, snapping at the poor journalist who referred to the string hanging around his neck during games as a “necklace.” Both coaches, and their staffs, proved that they have what it takes to change their game plan to meet the situation they are facing. They do it in the moment, too, with all of the pressure and weight of the world mounting on their shoulders. In the game of marriage, utilizing a relationship coach during the heat of the moment can help change your game plan, especially if the pressure of life is mounting on both your shoulders. Don’t be afraid to use them. 3642-2013-super-bowl-49ers-vs-ravens
  10. When you win, you go to Disney World. It’s almost certain that Colin Kaepernick or Joe Flacco will be selected to go to Disney World as the MVP of the Super Bowl. During the course of the game of marriage, you must take some time to celebrate your successes. The game of marriage is fun and exciting as long as you stick to your game plan, expect obstacles that will derail the plan, but have the calmness and clarity to ride it out.

Good luck, to Colin and Joe! I hope both of you play well. Also good luck to you. I hope you enjoy these 7 keys to winning the Super Bowl of Marriage.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on February 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Relationship Gratitude Day 25 – Black Friday means spouse gift day!

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of Black Friday, go out and buy a gift for your spouse.

Even during such a chaotic event as shopping today, your partner will appreciate that you were thinking about them.

Here is a tip. Buy something sexy in preparation for tomorrow’s relationship gratitude day.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2011 in 30 days of Gratitude

 

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Relationship Gratitude – (Day 21) No Thankless Jobs today!

In our relationships we do jobs everday. It may be something as simple as making sure your children have lunch everyday, or as important as making sure the bills get paid on time. Those jobs often go without a thank you. Today, that will change. Find 3 jobs, or things that your partner may feel is mostly thankless and acknowledge them for it.

Either way, showing appreciation for  those thankless things he/she does today, will warm their heart in every way.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on November 21, 2011 in 30 days of Gratitude

 

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Relationship Gratitude – Day 14 (You got to have a J.O.B.!)

In today’s culture, the husband or the wife can be the primary wage earner in the house. That can bring a different dynamic when it comes to managing the family unit. That doesn’t mean that one job of managing your family is more important than the other.

Acknowledge your partner’s financial, practical, and emotional contributions to the household. Look him/her in the eye and say, “Thank you for working to support our family,” or Thank you for doing the laundry,”  or Thank you for being a great husband, or wife; a great dad, or mother.”

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in 30 days of Gratitude

 

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What will you throw out to save your Marriage? (M.M.M.)

Early in our marriage, I told my wife, P.G. that I wouldn’t be rich. I know she must have thought I was joking. I had graduated from Georgetown University with a degree in marketing, and was on my way to a Master’s in Nonprofit Management.  The world was my oyster, well our oyster. But my passion was towards helping people whether it be teens, or couples. What she didn’t realize, I was also helping our marriage too.

A new study by scholars at Brigham Young University looked at more than 1,700 married couples across the U.S. to determine how their attitudes toward money affected their marriages.

Each couple completed a questionnaire which evaluated their relationship and asked, among other things, how much they value “having money and lots of things.” The study, which was just published in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, found that couples who say money is not important to them score about 10% to 15% better on measures of relationship quality, such as marriage stability, than those couples where both or one spouse are materialistic.

In a somewhat surprising twist, the researchers found that those couples in which both partners said they valued lots of money—about 20% of the couples in the study—fared worse than those couples who were mismatched and just had one materialist in the marriage.

“Couples where both spouses are materialistic were worse off on nearly every measure we looked at,” said Jason Carroll, a BYU professor of family life and lead author of the study.  “There is a pervasive pattern in the data of eroding communication, poor conflict resolution and low responsiveness to each other.”

I may not have riches, but what I do have Luther states so eloquently. A good marriage.

I want to be the one that you just can’t live without
I want to be the one
that you never feel no doubt
I want to be the one that you let give you the lovin’
But, I have nothing
Nothing

I want to be
the one that you always want to be near
I want to say the words that your
body and soul need to hear
I want to be the one that you let give you all the
lovin’
But I have nothing

So Strivers..What will you throw out to Save your Marriage?

 
 

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She Said/He Said – (Part 2)

Now it’s my Dad’s turn.

My parents today..After 44 years they are still smiling.

1.       What was the initial thing that attracted you to your wife/husband?

She was very attractive and was someone who I hadn’t met before. I considered this a challenge.

2.       When was the moment that you can remember she was the one you wanted to marry?

We met in October and were engaged Christmas Eve the same year. It was sometime in November after we met that I told my roommate and friends, I was going to propose.

3.       In your 44 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?

That it takes hard work and you have to change your thinking and attitude about many things. It takes more give and take than I thought. Initially I thought man was head of household but I learned that it takes two to have a strong household and responsibilities. Over the course of the years our relationship and love evolved and continues to grow.

4.       What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?

My commitment to my wife and God when we were married.

Our love, friendship, values, and compatibility.

Keith (the bloggist), Alison and the grandchildren that followed.

5.       Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?

Yes, I would have waited a year before I got married so we could have had a better chance to grow and know each other. I thought I was ready but I wasn’t completely. There’s more to marriage then being a provider.

I would have saved a little more money. When we decided to get married, I had $10 in the bank. My mother told me to wait, but I was in love and didn’t listen. SO, when we started we had no money, no decent wedding, or honeymoon. I should have waited until we had at least $100 in the bank.

The upside though was we learn to deal with financial crisis early in our marriage. So, there’s a purpose and blessing that GOD makes you go through.

6.       What are 3 things modern day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage

 Worship together a couple that worships and prays together stays together.

Get the money thing straight.

Set yearly goals.

Communicate, communicate, and communicate.

Do things together on a monthly basis if possible.

         Don’t be afraid to show and demonstrate your love.

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2011 in She Said/He Said

 

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