Tag Archives: fear
For all you foodies out there, you take your kitchen to heart. But do you have the Magical Kitchen when it comes to Love. Here is an excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love that explains what I mean.
Imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your home. In that magical kitchen, you can have any food you want from any place in the world in any quantity. You
never worry about what to eat; whatever you wish for, you can have at your table. You are very generous with your food; you give your food unconditionally
to others, not because you want something in return from them.
Then one day someone knocks at your door, and it’s a person with a pizza. You open the door, and the person looks at you and says, “Hey, do you see this pizza? I’ll give you this pizza if you let me control your life, if you just do whatever I want you to do. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day. You just have to be good to me.”
Can you imagine your reaction? In your kitchen you can have the same pizza – even better. Yet this person comes to you and offers you food, if you just do whatever he wants you to do. You are going to laugh and say, “No, thank you! I don’t need your food; I have plenty of food. You can come into my house and eat whatever you want, and you don’t have to do anything. Don’t believe I’m going to do whatever you want me to do. No one will manipulate me with food.”
Now imagine exactly the opposite. Several weeks have gone by, and you haven’t eaten. You are starving, and you have no money in your pocket to buy food. The person comes with the pizza and says, “Hey, there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to do.” You can smell the food, and you are starving. You decide to accept the food and do whatever that person asks of you. You eat some food, and he says, “If you want more, you can have more, but you have to keep doing what I want you to do.”
You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food. You can become a slave because of food, because you need food, because you don’t have it. Then after a certain time you have doubts. You say, “What am I going to do without my pizza? I cannot live without my pizza. What if my partner decides to give the pizza to someone else – my pizza?”
Now imagine that instead of food, we are talking about love.
In order to master the track of love we have to move from trying to control the entire relationship when our relationship/marriage is operating on the track of fear.
We operate from the track of fear when we respect our partners, or feel our partners aren’t intelligent enough to know what’s good for them. So we take it upon ourselves to control what things are being said, as well as what actions they take. In essence, we try to control the whole relationship.
No matter how great your relationship may seem to you, the other person brings their own dream, their own perspective of the relationship no matter how hard you try to control it.
Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Mastery of Love, uses the example of a couple playing tennis together. If you are playing tennis, you have a partner, you are a team, and you never go against each other – never. Even if you both play tennis differently, you have the same goal: to have fun together, to play together, to be playmates. If you have a partner who wants to control your game, and she says, “No, don’t play like that; play like this. No, you are doing it wrong,” you are not going to have any fun. Eventually, you won’t want to play with that partner anymore. Instead of being a team, your partner wants to control how you play. And without the concept of a team, you are always going to have conflict. If you see your partnership, your romantic relationship, as a team, everything will start to improve. In a relationship, as in a game, it’s not about winning or losing. You are playing because you want to have fun.
So I ask you, would you rather operate from the track of fear and control the entire relationship, or operate from the track of love and enjoy it. When you move to the track of love, it involves giving more than taking. You will also have to take action when your partner tries to sabotage your relationship based on them living in the track of fear.
In order to live on the track of love remember to:
- Understand that everyone has their own dream.
- If you understand your own track of love versus your track of fear, you can clearly shift to the right track when you start to veer of course.
- Finally, which is the most important, no one else can make you happy! Happiness is the result of love coming out of you. No matter how many books you read. LOVE in action produces happiness.