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Tag Archives: Family

5 Lessons about your marriage kids Learn by your Example: Part 4 (Giving)

Part 4 of our 5 part series of 5 Lessons about your marriage kids learn by your example has to do with Giving.

One of the most important ways, that our kids will follow our example is how we Give.

Our kids at an early age understand the word Get, especially when they see us purchase anything we want, or if anytime they ask for something and we buy it for them.

What we truly don’t understand is that our kids truly enjoy how much we give them versus how much we get them.

Let me explain. There are three crucial things that we can give, that will carry over into their own marriages when they have kids.

When you give them Thanks

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Our kids will watch us, especially when you give thank them. Our kids feel empowered when we thank them for doing something out of the ordinary, or even more simply for being themselves. This will be helpful as our kids get to their teen years because their identity is constantly being challenged. If they get a sense from you that you value who they are it will provide confidence and self-esteem.

When you give them Time.

This is also  important, but can be very challenging. Uninterrupted time is something we take for granted, but what our kids cherish the most. Imagine, if you gave each of your kids 1 hour of devoted time every day for them to do whatever they wanted. That can be a challenge for anyone. One thing, my wife and I do is give each of our children their own vacation by themselves. I can say, those opportunities have been the most memorable for all of them and it has truly allowed us to know them as individuals.

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When you show them how to give out of your wallet.

By donating to a cause you believe in, whether it be your church or a non-profit organization it will help your kids understand that earning a living doesn’t mean that you buy things just for yourself. You should systematically sacrifice it to give to others in need.

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More important to give things than to have things.

When show them how to give of yourself.

Your kids will definitely watch how you extend yourself to neighbors. Take the time to get to know them, at least their names, and their children’s names. At some point, invite them over to dinner. You will be amazed how beneficial this will be for your neighbors; for your kids and even to you. neighbors-300x199

 

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5 Lessons of about your Marriage kids learn by your example: Part 1(Love)

Believe it or not, our kids are learning about marriage through our example, and not what we say about marriage. With that said, this new 5-part series will focus on how we can teach kids the keys to a strong marriage by the examples we show them in our own marriage.

The first way of course is by how we LOVE. Saying, “I Love you.” isn’t enough especially since our children go through several stages of development.

When a child is an infant, you need to show love immediately and it needs to come from both parents. Since they haven’t begun to talk yet, it’s important that they get to know your both your voices, you both hold them and you both take the time to interact with them.

family#1aAround age 2, you will need to discipline them as a part of love. If you train the child early and often, hopefully they will continue to live the lessons you have taught them when you are apart.

At around age 10, you children learn the importance of your love when you spend time with them. If there are certain activities/interests you see that your children are passionate about, do as much as possible to acknowledge their passion and promote opportunities to follow it.

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When your kids reach the pre-teen level their mode of thinking tends to be black/white? the love you show for your spouse will really be important because that will be the time when kids are trying to form positive relationships themselves. Showing your spouse outward displays of Love in a respectful way will help them to model how they should be treated as they enter their relationships.family#3

So the #iLoveStrong question for the day is, what outwardly ways do you show your children that you Love them and your spouse?

Coach Keith

 

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iLoveStrong’s Top Super Bowl Commercials

Here are the top 5 iLoveStrong Commercials that I liked during the Super Bowl.

 1. Dodge Ram – God made a Farmer. This commercial represents everything iLoveStrong is all about.

2. Clydesdales Brotherhood: Budweiser – iLoveStrong liked the connection between breeder and horse.

3. Doritos – Fashionista Daddy – iLoveStrong loves Dads that play with their daughters, even if it’s for some chips.

4. Audi – Prom. iLoveStrong loves when you just go for it. It reminded me of my Junior Prom. My dad should have given me an Audi..I might have kissed the girl I wanted to.

5. Volkswagon – Get In, Get Happy – iLoveStrong believes in having fun, not taking yourself seriously and living in the moment.

Honorable Mention:

Taco Bell – Viva Young. – iLoveStrong loved this commercial. It was just plain funny.

What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial?

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2013 in Marriage Madness

 

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Dr. Martin Luther King on Relationships!

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Today is a special day! Not only is it Dr. Martin Luther King’s Holiday, but it’s also the public swearing in of our re-elected President Barack Obama. What both of these men have in common is their strong sense of families. So I decided to take some of Dr. King’s favorite quotes and apply them to relationships. I had to take liberty with a few and add my own spin to it. I hope you enjoy.

On Communication:
“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”

On Forgiveness:
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

On Understanding your partner:
“One day we will learn that the heart can never be totally right when the head is totally wrong”

On the State of your Marriage:
“It does not matter how long your marriage lives, but how well you do it.”

“The ultimate measure of a marriage is not where it stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

On Faith:
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”Martin_Luther_King_Jr_NYWTS_5

On Connecting with your spouse:
“Whatever affects one spouse directly, affects all indirectly. You can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

“The quality not the longevity, of one’s marriage is what is important.”

On Success in Marriage:

“There is no gain without struggle.”

“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way”

 
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Posted by on January 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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10 Tips to a successful Paternity Leave!

Last week I was listening to NPR’s Tell Me More  and the discussion was around Marissa Mayer’s comments about maternity leave. The commentary around her position wasn’t the most interesting, but the comments spoken by Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of the book “Mommy Wars”.

Her comments were as follows:

You know what? I tell you, my husband took three days of paternity leave with my first child, and it broke my heart. It would’ve changed everything for me if he had taken the full month or six weeks that his company allowed. I think it’s a really big issue and I don’t – I think that the physicality of pregnancy is really – is a huge part of maternity leave. But I also think that we wouldn’t have this big problem and this big focus on maternity leave being only an issue for moms if men paid more attention to it and understood how incredibly important it is.

I was wondering if by chance other wives’ feel the same way. According to a CNN website on Parenting. 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent).  There anger stems from the fact that men don’t  seem to pay attention to or understand their children’s basic needs.

As husbands, if you are considering taking the scheduled paternity leave and support your family, here are some very important tips that can help you win.

  1. If you take your child to a scheduled activity, the ladies of other children won’t necessarily let you into their circle right away. Make sure bring the hottest literature..i.e. 50 Shades of Grey to add value to the group.
  2. Those same ladies also won’t be talking football, basketball, baseball or hockey so you must be up to date on the current reality shows, cutest fashions, or what’s happening in town.
  3. Under no circumstances should your child be in a heavy diaper when your wife gets home. She will suspect the child has been neglected all day.
  4. You will have to master at least two other skills simultaneously while taking care of junior. It will increase your security within the family unit, plus there may be some extra bennies later in the evening.
  5. It will allow you to ask for a night to hang out with the fellas. I suggest you pick Friday night. Why, it’s the end of the week. She will want to spend time with the kids and you will be free.
  6. Take your child to the park often. It’s a big ego booster, when mom’s see a man taking care of his kids.
  7. You don’t have to worry about going to the gym. Lifting the car seat and hold the baby will do the trick.
  8. Whatever you do don’t make any playdates with the hot mom’s you meet during your travels. You will surely fall into tip #3 which will lead to questions. If you are a risk taker, make sure you set a time at least two hours before your wife comes home.
  9. If you master tips 1-8, it will be a definite boost to your sex life, but you will have to remember tip #4 and take naps when the children nap. Otherwise you will be the one that’s tired.
  10. Have fun. As the children get older, the bond you have with them will be greater than you ever imagine.

 

Strivers! What do you think about the tips? What other tips are essential to a successful paternity leave?

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Are you a trust violator? It’s time for repair!

 

 

After reading my last blog on trust, you might have realized that your relationship is suffering in this area.

How would you know that:

  • There is no feeling of risk as a partner! No risk, No trust.
  • You don’t accept and cultivate your partner’s vulnerability!
  • You don’t take your partner’s investment seriously!

If your relationship has been operating under these conditions, DON’T GIVE UP! It’s easy to throw all that you have worked for away. Trust can be renewed with these 6 repairs.

  • If you get a sense that you have violated your partner’s trust, bring it out in the open. Acknowledgement is the first step to healing. If you remain silent you will further erode any possibility of a strong relationship. If you need support, or you need someone to help you create a plan contact a counselor or a relationship coach.
  • Trust the violation and the repair very seriously. Building trust will take work. You will have to do more work and go a little overboard to gain her trust back.
  • If you partner has violated your trust, don’t let them off the hook. If your trust was violated, let them know it. You self-esteem is just as vital to a strong relationship. If you never get to the point of comfort-ability, you will never feel restored in your marriage.
  • Don’t become a martyr;it’s not about you, it’s about your partner. When the truth comes out that you have violated his/her trust, don’t even utter, “I’m such a horrible person, why did you even marry me? I knew I would mess up.” These phrases will turn your partner’s anger meter up a hundredfold because you are looking for forgiveness when it’s not warranted.
  • Make the changes and commit to them. Come up with a mutual plan that will help repair the trust and commit to it. Remember, some of the things your partner wants you to do may seem ridiculous to you, but it’s not about you. For instance:
    • Making sure you can be reached by cell and text. Let your partner know where you are going and who you are with.
    • Giving control and access to your finances including your paycheck.
    • Discussing any major decisions you need to make before you make them.
    • Getting help for an addiction.
  • Rebuilding trust has no timetable. It will take time to rebuild, but it can only be done if the partner that is violated can truly forgive and begin to take the risk again.

STRIVERS, continue to work to build and maintain a strong relationship. Our family and friends need it.

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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I expect you to WANT to be in this relationship!

Often times, we don’t set expectations for our partner. We take it for granted they want to be in our relationship.

What’s wrong with expectations? Expectations allow your partner to rise to the standards that are acceptable to you.

If you want your relationship to grow this is how expectations can help.

Expectations remove comfort.

You get comfortable in a relationship for a couple of reasons. You either take your partner for granted, or you have fear.

How do you take your partner for granted.

  • You stop planning time to go out with each other.
  • You no longer feel your appearance is important.
  • You communicate via text, or phone instead of carving out time to talk face to face.

Why are we fearful?

  • We are afraid to fail.
  • We are afraid of conflict or we are plagued by paralysis.

Expectations help you see your blind spots.

Sometimes change in our attitude, drive and appearance happen slowly in our eyes, but our partners see it immediately. Why? Because we have blind spots! By setting expectations you can make that attempt to deal with those blind spots.

When you both set expectation to grow as individuals you will grow as lovers.  You can increase your ability to feel, understand and empathize with your partner when you attempt to grow all 5 of your dimensions: physically, socially, spiritually, intellectually and emotionally, And that directly increases your connection.

So where do you start?

Step outside your comfortable place.

Understand that in order for both of you to grow you will have to visit unexplored areas of your life. Seek feedback from your partner in areas of growth that have been undeveloped and ways each other can become connected.

Work as a team

In order to become a well oiled team, there are times where you will have to encourage, instead of discourage. Be a partner instead of a leader.

In the end, you just want your partner to be all in.

 

Coach Keith

 

Coach Keith works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Working with Coach Keith is like having a GPS for relationship. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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