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Tag Archives: connection

Love Letter “C” is for Connection.

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For most of us connection is vital to a strong relationship, but sometime fears, insecurities and entrenched habits caused by old pain prevent this flow from occurring.

The best way to circumvent those negative energies from overpowering your relationship is by initiating acts of connection. The best thing about it, is these actions can be done in 30 seconds  or less. To see how, click here.

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Posted by on September 14, 2014 in Love Letter

 

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S2S Song of the Night – Daughters -John Mayer

My heart is a little heavy this evening. PG is leaving on Thursday to support a friend who lost her niece last week. She was just a senior in high school.

As I think about her and the recent death of Avonte Oquendo, it helps me to realize that the relationship between PG and me, not only extends to the two of us, but to our kids as well. If our relationship isn’t strong, it will affect how we relate with our kids.

Sometimes, divorce is inevitable, but if you have a plan for raising your children, they can thrive. On this night, I will think of the young girl the way John Mayer sings about it in ‘Daughters’

She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

RIP Syn and Avonte

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2014 in The Ultimate Love Song

 

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S2S song of the Night – Hey Laura! Gregory Porter – Missed Opportunities

When it comes to love & relationships, we miss out on so many opportunities and there are 7 reasons why?

1. We get desperate and settle.
2.We go for Mr. Wrong and we let Mr. Right pass us by.
3. We get caught up into the game and not the reality.
4. We want it all too soon.
5. We are afraid. Can this really be true.
6. We expected too much.
7. If only we could change him/her a little to fit what we need.

The type of mistakes may cause you to feel how Gregory Porter feels about Laura. If that is you check out Coach Keith and schedule a chat session.

Hey Laura it’s me sorry but I had to ring your doorbell so late

But there’s something bothering me I really am sorry but it just couldn’t wait
Is there someone else instead of me go ahead and lie to me
And I will believe your not in love with him
And this bloke can see, that the rivers of your love flow up here to me

 
 

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5 reasons why a WedLease still leaves you empty?

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Paul Rampell is a lawyer in Palm Beach who specializes in estate planning wrote an Op-Ed piece in the Washington Post about the possibility of WedLeases over marriage.

Marriage is a legal partnership that is supposed to last a lifetime — one lifetime to be exact, that of the first of the spouses to die. Rampell felt that generally speaking, that is too long time for any partnership. Our behavior dictates that people, circumstances and all sorts of other things change. The compatibility of any two people over decades may decline with these changes to the point of extinction.

So we should borrow from real estate and create a marital lease? Instead of wedlock, a “wedlease.”

Here’s how a marital lease could work: Two people commit themselves to marriage for a period of years — one year, five years, 10 years, whatever term suits them. The marital lease could be renewed at the end of the term however many times a couple likes. It could end up lasting a lifetime if the relationship is good and worth continuing. But if the relationship is bad, the couple could go their separate ways at the end of the term. The messiness of divorces is avoided and the end can be as simple as vacating a rental unit.

So like In real estate, why don’t we have the option for shorter term marriages. For example, since we have become accustomed to prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements, why not a marital lease to help minimize the high divorce rate.

Here are 5 reasons why a WedLease will still leave you empty.

  1. WEdLease contract won’t stop the pain. – If there are two people involved in marriage, there is bound to be some pain at some point, whether it be the first year of marriage or in 20 years. The benefit of marriage, is to hunker down and work through it.
  2. Limits on time and increase the distance.  If you aren’t really vested in the marriage, you will bide your time until the WedLease ends. How will you do that by putting as much distance between your lease spouse as possible. In a marriage, it is your responsibility to work hard every day to keep it fresh.
  3. No opportunity to repair the damage.  Even after the WedLease has ended due to a bad 5 years, you will still pay for the damage to the other partner. It’s always great to hear when couples continue to thrive in a marriage even after they had a serious setback.
  4. You are constantly keeping score. When you enter into a WedLease agreement, you will continuously be keeping score. So if you decide to renew for another 5 years, you, or your partner will make sure you get what you deserve as a result of each and every misstep by the other. Marriage is supposed to be about partnership. Teamwork!  When you win, your partner wins.
  5. You are constantly accommodating and not growing! When you enter into a marriage, it’s with another human being. With any team, you have to work together awhile before you start to kick in on all cylinders. It’s very empowering when you see your partner grow for the better and you feel you had a part in that.  In a WedLease, you would have to constantly accomodate the other partner until you feel comfortable.

Would you support a WedLease? What terms would be crucial for its success?

 

 

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2013 in iLoveStrong QoTD, Uncategorized

 

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How Attached are you really? Ask a Baby!

If you read my last blog titled How dependent are you? A case study!, you read the story of Tamera and Greg and how one was dependent upon the other. As Tamera continued to get close, he seemed to push her further away. She pushed him so far that even though they both loved each other, in the end it wasn’t going to work.

Everyone has what authors Amir Levine,M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller,M.A.  call an attachment style. The three attachment styles are THE SECURE, THE ANXIOUS & THE AVOIDANT.

As an adult you may know exactly who you are. If not, let’s go back in time by figuring out how you would’ve have acted as a baby.

Attachment styles were first defined by researchers observing the way babies usually( 9 to 18  months old) behaved during the strange situation test (a reunion with a parent after a stressful separation.

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If you were the anxious baby you were extremely distressed when mommy left the room. When your mother returned, you would react ambivalently, you are happy to see her, but angry at the same time. You take longer to calm down, and even when you do, it is only temporary. A few seconds later, you angrily push mommy away, wriggle down and start crying again.

If you are the secure baby you are also visibly stressed when mommy leaves the room. When mommy returns, you are very happy and eager to greet her. Once in safety of her presence, you are quick to be reassured, calm down. and resume play activity.

If you are the avoidant baby when mommy leaves the room, you act as if nothing has happened. Upon her return, you remain unmoved, ignore her and continue to pay indifferently. This act of yours doesn’t truly tell the whole story. Inside you are neither calm or collected. In fact, your heart is just as elevated as the other two babies.

So which baby are you? Better yet, which baby is your partner? You will find out in the next blog?

Coach Keith

Excerpt taken from Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep –Love.
 
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Posted by on July 9, 2013 in For My Single Peeps.

 

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3 tips to keep a good marriage from going adrift!

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Good marriages are like a relaxing canoe ride when the winds are calm and the lake water is as smooth as glass. You just have to be careful you don’t drift.

Like that canoe, marriages often drift. There’s no obvious conflict or struggle, just subtle distractions that lull spouses to asleep. Couples hardly notice they’re losing interest in one another until they end up somewhere they never intended to be.

So how do you keep your marriage from going adrift.

  1.  Chart the course of your marriage in the early years.
  2. You need both paddles in order for the marriage to do in the right direction. –  Your marriage will take both of you doing equal work. Not the same work, but equal work in order for the marriage to stay on course. If one person, stops paddling the marriage will begin to flounder in circles.
  3. At some point you may have to drop anchor or ask for life-preservers. – Even if you know the direction you want to go in your marriage, and you are both working to try to  get there, it just may be leaking. That’s when you have to throw out the anchor or the life-preserver. Get the support you need from a coach that can help you through the winds and current that wasn’t expected.

 When was the last time your marriage was adrift? What did you do to get it back on course?

Coach Keith

 

Excerpt from JimDalyblog.com

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2013 in iLoveStrong QoTD

 

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Fun Friday! Do you know your spouse thoughts?

The cartoon speaks for itself..On this Fun Friday, do you feel you don’t understand your spouse? What are some of the things he/she does that makes you SYH (shake your head) sometimes? disconection

Looking forward to your comments!

I Live..I Learn..ILOVESTRONG.

Coach Keith

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2013 in Fun Friday

 

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