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Letter To My Younger Married Self – A 7,000 Mile Journey For Love.

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To my 23 year old Barbara,
Congratulations! Tomorrow you will celebrate your wedding in Qingtongxia, China. You will have one sister, a handful of friends, a hundred or so new relatives, and 20,000 villagers on hand to share in your joy. It will be covered by national news media and bring instant fame to your in-laws, who can count on one hand the number of foreigners they’ve ever seen in person (most of them from this week!)
In a few months, you’ll double own on the love and get married again; this time surrounded by all seven sisters, plus 200 extended family members and friends in the U.S. You’ll have traded your red wedding dress for a long white gown (those puffy sleeves will forever say 1991!) and the humble rural courtyard for a glitzy hotel with a view of the New York skyline. Your husband will know only three people present.
In the short time between weddings, you will have moved from rural China to suburban America. It will mark the beginning of a lifetime of adventure that will include (spoiler alert) living in three different countries and raising two exceptional daughters, who will serve as testament to this marriage. You’re marrying outside your race, religion, native tongue and passport country; yet over the years you’ll managed to not let these define your marriage. Over the next 25 years, together you’ll strengthen and enhance the union of your two unique and complementary personalities.
Despite this rosy picture from the future, I’ll share a few things to consider as you embark on your journey.
Study Chinese
.
Yes, you already speak Chinese, but really make a concerted academic effort to learn to not
only speak and understand, but to read and write at a deeper level. The snowball effect of
studying a mere 30 minutes each week over 25 years will yield fluency you can’t even
imagine today. Flash cards and work books will suffice in the beginning, but it will get easier and more convenient with the advent of internet and podcasts. It will fulfill your
relationships with in-laws and extended family. You’ll be better equipped to have meaningful conversations with more people who know your groom but aren’t bilingual. You will not need to rely on him to translate.
Consider keeping your maiden name
Don’t run on autopilot. Take the time to contemplate the decision by recalling what you
bring, as an individual, into the marriage. If you adopt his name, anticipate what you’ll need to maintain your sense of self. Don’t lose your identity in the titles wife or mother. Fear not, your love of great white sharks and trampolines play a prominent role in your 49 year old life, but you will have a child who graduates from college before you go back for your master’s degree. Take time for yourself. It is not being selfish.
 
Schedule date nights
Observe them religiously. Give them the same priority you give to your daughters’ swim
practice schedule. Be more creative than dinner and a movie. Consider alternating turns
planning a surprise outing or activity for the appointed time. Remember that simplicity is
highly underrated. He’s more sentimental than he lets on. Similarly, schedule daddy-
daughter time. Give him time and space to develop his own relationship with your
children. Let him parent in his own style.
Don’t be a nag
He will respect and value your decision to delay a career to stay home with the children.
Recognize, however, that he will bear a self- imposed pressure as the sole bread winner.
Go easy on him as he transitions between jobs, and negotiates benefits for your
international assignments. (Yes, you’ll be back in China to raise your children.)
As you celebrate tomorrow, take a good look around. There are many faces that will continue to be present as you celebrate future milestones. There are some who will join your journey further down the road. There are others who will only be here briefly. That adorable 7 year old nephew who is dying for a ride in your wedding carriage will come to live in your home, and become a brother to your daughters. A second nephew will round out your household. Be patient and show grace.
Tonight, you are blinded by love. You cannot comprehend the enormity of his devotion. He is leaving his family, friends, and country behind for you. For You. He will always have your back. And you will always hold his heart. So tomorrow, and every day after: Engage. Say YES. Take more pictures. They will document for future generations the story of the couple who loved each other enough to say “I do” twice.
Love,
The 49 year old Barbara.
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Every Man should have a Marvin Gaye alter ego!

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Today is Marvin Gaye’s birthday. He is hands down one of the best male artists that we have ever had. He was very versatile as a singer, but I enjoyed his lyrics because of his directness when it came to the women in his life. Maybe Robin Thicke, should take a page out of his book instead of singing Blurred Lines, he should’ve have been telling Paula..I WANT YOU!

As men, we have lost the art of direct communication with the women that are in our lives. In fact, a couple of women over the past couple of days were frustrated by the fact that the men in their lives couldn’t effectively communicate what they wanted from the relationship. You know what they need? They need the Marvin Gaye Man puppet to help them.

Here are some of the lyrics that your Marvin Gaye Puppet can help you in specific situations when dealing with your lady.

My first thoughts when we first meet!

And I thought to myself
(Ooh, on the floor)
She was so into her space
(She started to dance, would she)
So caught up in the time and the place
And I wondered would she want me
(Ah, wonder if she, she’d go for me)
If she knows what she needs is me

I really like, you but I’m not feeling the same from you.

I give you all the love, I want in return, sweet darlin’ But half of love is all I feel. It’s too bad, it’s just too sad, you don’t want me now. But I’m gonna change your mind, someway, somehow, oh baby

Let’s take our relationship to the next level!

Come live with me angel woooo

Come live with me in comfort

Come chill with me angel. Come live with me in comfort.

I love the way we make love!

Oh in my dreams I was loving you.Every place that you wanted me to.Since I’ve been having dreams and fantasies baby.I’d like to make love to you right there baby
I’ve got this real strong need that loves you everywhere.I won’t stop until I find your passion flowing like wine.Baby, baby please let me do it to you.

On Marriage!

So if you got a girl and you want her for your wife
You got to treat her good and love her all your life.

Our Marriage to Death do Us Part!

I’m so grateful baby, grateful that you’re lovin’ me.My desire.Is to love you ’tilI ‘m no longer here and never tire.You always been so good to me, me now. I’m so thankful

If you are able to use you Marvin Gaye puppet successfully, you can eventually get to the point where you can sing your lyrics with your lady. But, if she needs one too..I suggest she get a Tammi Terrell Puppet.

LIke an eagle protects his nest, for you I’ll do my best.Stand by you like a tree and dare anybody to try and move me. (MARVIN) Darling in you I found strength where I was torn down.Don’t know what’s in store but together we can open any door.Just to do what’s good for you and inspire you a little higher.(TAMMI)I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn’t have a goal. (MARVIN)

 

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2013 in LoveStrong Tips

 

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