10 Tips to a successful Paternity Leave!

Last week I was listening to NPR’s Tell Me More  and the discussion was around Marissa Mayer’s comments about maternity leave. The commentary around her position wasn’t the most interesting, but the comments spoken by Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of the book “Mommy Wars”.

Her comments were as follows:

You know what? I tell you, my husband took three days of paternity leave with my first child, and it broke my heart. It would’ve changed everything for me if he had taken the full month or six weeks that his company allowed. I think it’s a really big issue and I don’t – I think that the physicality of pregnancy is really – is a huge part of maternity leave. But I also think that we wouldn’t have this big problem and this big focus on maternity leave being only an issue for moms if men paid more attention to it and understood how incredibly important it is.

I was wondering if by chance other wives’ feel the same way. According to a CNN website on Parenting. 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent).  There anger stems from the fact that men don’t  seem to pay attention to or understand their children’s basic needs.

As husbands, if you are considering taking the scheduled paternity leave and support your family, here are some very important tips that can help you win.

1. If you take your child to a scheduled activity, the ladies of other children won’t necessarily let you into their circle right away. Make sure bring the hottest literature..i.e. 50 Shades of Grey to add value to the group.
2. Those same ladies also won’t be talking football, basketball, baseball or hockey so you must be up to date on the current reality shows, cutest fashions, or what’s happening in town.
3. Under no circumstances should your child be in a heavy diaper when your wife gets home. She will suspect the child has been neglected all day.
4. You will have to master at least two other skills simultaneously while taking care of junior. It will increase your security within the family unit, plus there may be some extra bennies later in the evening.
5. It will allow you to ask for a night to hang out with the fellas. I suggest you pick Friday night. Why, it’s the end of the week. She will want to spend time with the kids and you will be free.
6. Take your child to the park often. It’s a big ego booster, when mom’s see a man taking care of his kids.
7. You don’t have to worry about going to the gym. Lifting the car seat and hold the baby will do the trick.
8. Whatever you do don’t make any playdates with the hot mom’s you meet during your travels. You will surely fall into tip #3 which will lead to questions. If you are a risk taker, make sure you set a time at least two hours before your wife comes home.
9. If you master tips 1-8, it will be a definite boost to your sex life, but you will have to remember tip #4 and take naps when the children nap. Otherwise you will be the one that’s tired.
10. Have fun. As the children get older, the bond you have with them will be greater than you ever imagine.

 

Strivers! What do you think about the tips? What other tips are essential to a successful paternity leave?

Maintaining your Relationship is a lot like selling your house!

PG and I and the rest of the fam are trying to move. Our quaint, two-bedroom house in Northern NJ has become quite small for our family of 5 plus a dog and several tropical fish. We were ready to take the leap in 2008, but it was a blessing we stayed put. It was right before the financial crisis and it might have altered our lives forever.

Another reason we hadn’t lef is because all the work you have to put in to get a house ready to sell. It’s a lot like maintaining a healthy marriage.

Step #1 – Look for all the trouble spots.

When you decide you are going to allow other people to view your home, you must determine the little things that might deter a person from buying it. A broken light fixture, or bad lighting just might be the difference from someone liking your house. Your relationship is the same way. If you don’t step back and think about your appearance and how you present yourself to your spouse and communicate it may hold them back from experiencing true intimacy.

Step #2 – If you are committed, put the work in.

Put the work in and spruce it up. You can do simple things like changing the bedding, getting new curtains, and shower accessories to give your house a fresh new look. Relationships are no different. Sometimes you have to switch things up, in order to make it fresh. Things like going on a adventure, or to a different restaurant may go a long way to help foster a stronger relationship.

Step #3 – If things are really bad, bring in the contractor.

Sometimes the simple things aren’t enough, there are changes that need to be made that you can’t do by yourself. If you are still trying to maintain your daily routine of running a family and working, you can’t always take a step back and do the work necessary to make those changes. We needed a contractor. Relationships are no different. Relationships can be so bad, you may have to bring in a coach to strip away the bitterness, apathy and heartache that’s causing this relationship to not be at it’s best.  He/she can help you put on a fresh coat of love, affection, communication and understanding toward your partner.

Step #4 – Maintenance, Maintenance and more Maintenance!

This is the hardest job of all. You never know when someone is going to want to see your house. So every morning your house has to look presentable. In relationships, you have to constantly check in with your partner and not take things for granted. I know stepping out of your comfort zone to get an assessment of your marriage can be a little unsettling. Don’t be afraid! You never know when something unexpected happens to change the course of your relationship. By having a strong bond with one another, you can weather those unforeseen circumstances.

Step #5 – Stay positive! It only takes one!

Despite all the progress and the work we have put in, it may take awhile to get an offer. We plan to stay positive and you should too. Your relationship may also progress slowly. Stay encouraged. As long as you are following the steps, the changes will come and your relationship will be stronger than ever before.

Strivers! Make it a great week.

I will keep you posted on the house.

Coach Keith

Husband not pulling his weight? Blame the commercials.

I was watching TV show that is primarily geared towards women last night. I won’t tell you what it is, so I don’t lose my MAN Card. The interesting thing was a Target commercial scrolled across the screen. I usually am a channel surfer, this commercial caught my eye. It involved a husband and wife in bed and since I am a relationship coach, I had to stop and watch.

The man was trying to explain his actions, so he could get some love, but she wasn’t havin’ it.  All I could do was shake my head, another “idiot man” commerical

Now, I turned to my wife and I asked her, “Can you give me at least one commercial where they have a woman look dumb in front of her spouse, or have to beg for anything?” Of course she couldn’t even give me one and that is the point of this blog today.

Commercials are messing our marriages. The reason any product today, that involves relationships, has the man looking dumb, weak and incompetent. McDonald’s, Bud Light, Dairy Queen just to name a few portray men are incapable of doing simple tasks from cooking, cleaning and just plain taking care of the kids. And these attitudes transfer to our real life relationships.

See the enclosed add whereby her husband which is her best friend is Mr. Jack Donkey. He has no domestic skills at all. He just messes up the house along with her kids, who are pigs.

So as a husband, why would I initially attempt to do any of these things if that’s how I am going to be made to feel by my wife?

So if your husband is not pulling his weight around the house or with the kids ask him, “Is it because of the commercials?”