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A 10-Step Beta Husbands Guide To A Better Marriage

There is a shift going on in marriage today. The rise of the beta husband. As a man, I know you might not have expected to be in this distinct group, but let me help you understand you aren’t alone.

The last study done in 2013 by the Institute of Family Studies showed that among married, heterosexual couples in the U.S., a quarter of wives, or about 15 million, are the primary breadwinners in their family.

There are many challenges that can come with this marriage dynamic. For one, we as men are taught to hang our badge based on what we do in life, not on what we do at home, as well as women who don’t usually get rewarded from bringing home the bacon. In our society, it’s the exact opposite.

Another issue is the assumption that the other partner may have a better situation. The husband may think his wife is going out enjoying lunch and happy hours with fellow co-workers, but not see the stress getting those same co-workers to take her leadership seriously. The woman may feel he’s just hanging out after he drops off the children, but in reality, he is struggling with his self-esteem and identity.

One thing we do know, this new dynamic isn’t going away. As women are given more opportunities to excel corporately and as entrepreneurs, husbands, if you have the ability to stay home, or take a lesser role at work for the benefit of the family, you will have to identify the best way to excel individually and in the marriage.  

If you are having a hard time figuring it out, here is a Ten-Step Beta Husband’s Guide to loving a Type-A wife.

  1. Identify your comfortability with your role reversal. I’m sure when you got married, you didn’t expect that you would be scheduling playdates and managing the home. If you don’t like it, or if you are struggling, then be honest. Tell your wife, but even more importantly you will have to come up with a plan. If you don’t you will be stuck in an untenable situation.
  2. If you are comfortable with the way the relationship is going, find something you are passionate about and pursue it while managing your other duties. Your alpha wife doesn’t care so much that you aren’t the primary breadwinner. What she does care about is that you’re actively doing something to make you strive to be the best person you can be. giphy[1]
  3. Make sure the relationship doesn’t become parental. If you hear phrases like, “You’re like my 3rd child!” or “Do I have to ask you again, Can you please…” then sit your wife down and ask her, “Do you feel like you’re my parent?” If she says, “Yes, sometimes,” then it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship because if she feels this way then you know that sometimes, she’s going to treat you like a child. And the needs you have as her husband are not going to be met. giphy[1]
  4. Avoid being isolated. Having a social network is critical to being a beta husband. You just don’t want to feel that you’re managing your life alone and you totally on your wife for support. If you were ever in the situation where your wife is now, remember how that felt. Most of the time, you needed some space just to relax and you wished she had friends to talk to. You need to find the same people in your life that will do the same. And to top it all off your wife is still probably doing more work around the house than you are. So you can’t get angry when she falls asleep from exhaustion. giphy[1]
  5. Appeal to your wife’s feminine side.  Your wife may be kickin’ ass and taking names outside the house, but she is still a woman and needs to be reminded of that from time to time, so it’s up to you to do it. So what does that mean as the beta husband you have to put your wife first. Be spontaneous, buy her a gift, or schedule a date for lunch at her office if possible.
  6. Push back when warranted. In the office, an alpha woman doesn’t exert her will onto men as they cower in the corner, she is  constantly being challenged, but stand up to their beliefs. At home, they want the same thing. In other words, she wants you to have an opinion. Being a beta husband doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. Remember marriage is about a partnership, teamwork. If you have a conviction about an issue, share it so you can discuss it together.
  7. Remind her that you are dependable, responsive, and supportive. In other words, you are there for her, something that her more alpha fantasy man might not be.
  8. Figure out the best way to get more chores done. It’s no secret that even when women make more money than us, they still do more housework. That has to be corrected. If you don’t it will cause your spouse to become resentful because in her mind she will say, “You’re not pulling your weight around here.” So figure out the best tool that will help you get projects accomplished. Either create lists or use a project management app whatever works.
  9. Create an atmosphere of romance. If romance and sex are important to you, you’ll have to make it a priority. So she makes more money than you, that doesn’t mean she is also going to be the aggressor in the bedroom. You will still have to do those things that put her in the mood. Take note if she is no longer doing those romantic things you need as a husband you should let her know that it’s important to maintain a healthy sex life.
  10. Step up so she can step back. No matter what the situation is, whether she has expressed her displeasure in your current situation or not, she is just looking for you to take the pressure off.

In the end if you can figure out some of these details you and your relationship will be headed in the right direction.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win the Game of Love .  If you need help regaining the respect you have for your spouse, contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 
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Posted by on May 27, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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4 Ways She Can Mentally Know She Needs You.

4 Ways She Can Mentally Know She Needs You.

The coronavirus not only has been wreaking havoc with our health and our economy, but it has really done a number on our relationships. The social distancing that was put in place for the entire country has done two things. It has either isolated you from your partner thus creating further distance and anxiety, or the attachment has caused constant stress and has forced you to re-evaluate what you need from your partner.

Gentleman, if your relationship has taken a hit and you’re not clear what you need to do to get back on track, here are four things you need to do to back on track and help you understand what she needs.

Open Communication is the first step!

Open communication needs to occur regularly and frequently if you want to get back on track. During this crisis if you haven’t been communicating openly then it may mean to her that the relationship is coming to an end. If you want to start to regain a healthy relationship this is the first order of business.

Open communication will help you strengthen the respect you have for one another. It will also help you be more transparent with your partner.

Open communication will also help you avoid miscommunication because fewer things will go unsaid helping her to become more secure.

Honesty is still the best policy!

During this time being honest with your partner gives you a great deal of comfort. When she trusts you implicitly she can become your best self and vice versa. This will bring back the positive energy that will make your relationship thrive while reducing those future ups and downs.

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Start taking responsibility for your part in the relationship! 

Doing this can be a major game-changer for your relationship especially if you were not comfortable doing this in the past. By taking ownership of your actions you are showing you can be vulnerable which in turn can help her do the same. The best way to start taking ownerships is done in 3 Steps:

  • Being Self-Aware
  • Apologizing
  • Understanding what you do affects her

One other thing is that you also have to stop taking the blame for things you didn’t do. It’s counterproductive to the two topics we discussed earlier, open communication and honesty.

Rebuild Trust!

If you are able to the first three things, her trust in you will begin to increase. Some important things that you will need to keep in mind are to make sure you actively listen to her when it comes to open communication because that is the main component.

If you have to apologize for your actions make sure to act on those words.

And finally, be patient don’t beat yourself up if things don’t get better overnight. If you continue to work on your relationship, once the coronavirus has subsided, you will be in a much stronger place.

By taking these four action steps now really repair the damage the coronavirus has done to your relationship. She will truly understand that not only do you physically fill her needs but mentally as well.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win the Game of Love .  If you need help regaining the respect you have for your spouse, contact him at info@keithdent.com.

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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10 Ways to Apply the Mamba Mentality To Your Life

This Monday, February 24th at 10:00 AM PT, thousands of mourners will gather at the Staples to honor Kobe Bryant, daughter Gianna and the others that perished in the helicopter on January 26, 2020.

Are you still feeling the loss about the fact they are gone and how it happened?

We always seem to react strongly to the death of a celebrity especially when someone dies before their time, or when they are about to reach superstardom like Aaliyah for instance.

What was most troubling is that Kobe was on the verge of a budding second career that was about to make him more popular than he was as a basketball player. Kobe was known for applying this “Mamba Mentality which meant despite his success, he was still on a continued quest to be the best version of himself whether it was in business, as a parent, or in life.

Are you struggling in your current job, or how you would like to create your mark in this world and you would like to do whatever it takes to separate yourself from the rest of the pack. Here are 10 Ways to develop that Mamba Mentality.

  1. Have a champion mentality. (Be Driven)

Do whatever it takes to succeed in the endeavor you are passionate about. You have to give 100% fully to that thing.

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  1. Commit Fully

Study, take a course or read up on that thing you are passionate about. If it’s creating a podcast, get as many books, or watch as many videos on podcasting you can get. Talk to someone that has created a podcast in your field so you can hear the pitfalls.

  1. Be a better leader

Having empathy and compassion for the people in your life personally and professionally. It will help you become a better communicator when you know the people in your life on a deeper level. People will understand that you are interested in their goals outside work. By acting as their coach or accountability partner, you build lasting relationships and a more loyal tribe.

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  1. Learn from Failures

In any given area, there are some landmines that you must avoid if you want to succeed. It’s your job to figure it out. If you do fall on one, how quickly do you get back up and go forward?

  1. Be a Long Term Thinker.

The process of becoming great at something may not happen in a day, a week, a month or even a year, but if you keep working your passion and being curious about how to get better you will see results.

  1. Challenge yourself to grow

Some of us feel we are already great at passion, so we don’t even think about trying to get better. Remember, change is constant. There are always new ideas being developed in your chosen passion. Seek them out in order to get better.hi-res-5453797c112c9070c819eb1f3a0a4248_crop_north

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  1. Keep Going

Kobe Bryant learned this quote from one of his HS coaches, “Don’t rest in the middle, rest at the end.” When a thing that we are the most passionate about gets challenging, we quit or put it aside to pick up later. Don’t do that. Figure out how to get going. If you need to talk to a mentor, or a trusted friend, do that. Everyone needs encouragement.

  1. Nurture your relationships

Don’t always seek out people that can help you get to where you want to go. There is a point where you will have to reach back and help someone that has the same passion you have but just isn’t as experienced.  Don’t hesitate to help them for fear they will take away your opportunities. There are more than enough clients, but there aren’t enough compassionate people.

  1. Focus on One Thing

If you have many passions, decide which one you are going to focus on.  You will have time to go to the next one. It’s hard to have the mamba mentality if you are trying to do several different things all at once.

  1. Have Fun

If you don’t enjoy what you are doing, then why are you? When you find that thing you are passionate about, do that.

Even though Kobe Bryant died before his time, we can honestly say he lived his life on his terms applying the Mamba Mentality way. His legacy is leaving his playbook of life so you can do the same. And that is what made Kobe great.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship and leadership coach and the author of In The Paint, how to win at the Game of Love. To contact him for a consultation, email him at info@keithdent.com

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2020 in In the Paint, Uncategorized

 

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15 Ideas in 2020 Couples Can Use To Make Them A Better Team.

Growing a relationship is like anything else of value: you need to plan, set goals, work, and review

Now that 2019 has come to a close, individuals are looking forward to creating their New Year’s resolutions for 2020.

Resolutions are great because they give you a chance to clear your mind, reflect on what’s important to you, and move in a positive direction, provide concrete goals that can give you focus and stability, and show others that you are striving towards your dreams. You can’t imagine the number of people that will be positively impacted!

When we think about resolutions, we usually think of goals we want to achieve for ourselves, like losing weight, getting a new job, or saving more money.

But my advice is that many relationships would improve if partners create New Year’s resolutions together as a couple.

For some awesome ideas, click here.

Photo by Form on Unsplash

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

What Women Do And Don’t Want To Hear From You in a Text!

Texting is a perfect form of communication when it comes to daily interaction with your wife. First of all, it’s quick. So much so that 77 billion messages are sent around the globe daily. Secondly, you can also multi-task especially if some important thoughts come to your head when you are in a boring business meeting you can send it out. Third, it can enhance your relationship if you and your spouse have the same texting style.

One drawback is to avoid resolving conflicts and making important decisions over text. By not talking about these things face-to-face it can make things worse because you can’t read tone or body language from a text.

So if texting is an important mode of communication with your wife then here are 12 Do’s and Don’t in what women want to hear from you in a text.

Don’t  Send a text that will spark a fight!

It will only escalate more when you finally come together because words can be misconstrued without tone and non-verbal cues.

Do Send a thinking of you text.

Your wife wants to know you are thinking of her and at some point during the day you probably are so why no let her know.

Don’t Send the Dismissive text.

The “K” text can be the powder for an explosive outburst from your wife. When she is expecting more of a response from you and all she gets is one letter it can lead her to conjure up what you’re feeling or thinking and it probably won’t be good.

Do Send the Your Right text.

Your wife wants to feel that she is heard and that her opinion matters. By sending her a text telling her “she’s right” lets her you were listening to her.

Don’t Send the Your Cray-Cray text.

Did this ever work when you were talking face to face and there wasn’t laughter at the end of that statement? Then why do you think it would work in a text? Don’t do it!

Do Send the What can I do for you text.

What’s great about this text is that it’s open-ended. It will let your wife know you will serve her in any way she needs.

Don’t Send the rambling text.

Especially if she asked about your feelings before you left for work and you said, “Nothing!” This could be a signal to your wife that you’re uncomfortable sharing your feelings unless you’re in front of a screen. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Do Send the Flirty text.

Sending that flirtatious text show desire. In marriage, it’s a part of the intimate relationship that can spark the chemicals in your brain and make your sex life more intense. Send these texts early and often.

Don’t Send the Not Now text.

If you’re busy then say so and let her know when you can text her back. The words “not now” will surely not go over well especially if full-blown text conversation with someone else when the two of you were out to dinner. It will send a signal that she isn’t a priority in your life.

Do Send I’m glad to share this journey with you text.

Because marriage is a journey there are ups and downs and your wife wants to be assured you’re along for the ride.

Don’t Send the ________ text.

The non-responsive text is a definite “no-no” If your partner sends you a text she’ll expect a response. By not responding it shows her you’re not as connected as she thinks. That way cause you to be moved to second place on the ICE (In Case of Emergency) list.

Do Send the let’s go out tonight text, the kids are taken care of.

Your wife wants to spend time with you, but she also knows that if the kids aren’t taken care of she won’t really have a good time. By not only planning what you are doing for the evening but also securing babysitting will guarantee the both of you will have a great time.

Texting is an easy way to stay connected to your wife at any time and in any place. Knowing the right and wrong thing to say in a text can enhance the communication you have with your wife avoid misunderstandings.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint – How to Win at the Game of Love. If you need a consultation, contact him at info@keithdent.com

 

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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13 Ways to Show Your Girl You Love Her, When The Cash is Low!

Hey Single Men! Last night you may have met the one, but you know you will have to do something different to let her know your true feelings. Then you suddenly opened your Bank App and realized you might not have the funds to do so. So, are you going to still shy away from asking from taking your relationship to the next level romantically because you think you need a lot of money in order to take the woman you love out on the perfect kind of dates?

You don’t have to worry about that.

Get some great tips by clicking on this article 13 Cheap, Yet Fun Romantic Ideas to sweep her off her feet.

 
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Posted by on January 27, 2019 in In the Paint

 

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7 Reasons Why Paris Is A Great Winter Destination for Romance.

When it comes to romance in the winter, you don’t automatically think of Paris, known for its ambiance, rich culture and of course the food. You think about snow, fireplaces and ski resorts that keep you more inside than out.

A visit to Paris in the winter will change that mindset. I recently took a trip there. I was so exhilarated by all the sights and wonderful energy. I wished my wife would’ve come along with me to enjoy it. Not fighting all of the crowds was definitely a bonus. Here are seven reasons why Paris is a great winter destination for romance.

Visiting Paris by Metro

With over 302 stations covering 133 miles, it’s clearly one of the best ways to see the city. You can literally get off the plane and be in the beloved city in less than an hour. You can really discover the hidden gems of Paris traveling this way.

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The Wall of Love

Getting off at one of those stops landed us at Abbesses Metro, sight of Le mur des je t’aime, or the Wall Of Love. The 430 sq. ft tiled wall features “I love you” 311 times in 350 languages. It actually took my daughter and I ten minutes to find the words in English.

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The Love Locks are still alive.

A great romantic gesture in Paris was to place a love lock on the Pont des Arts bridge, but in 2015 the practice was banned, due to the sheer weight affecting the structure. It was awesome to see there was still a place to leave a  Love Lock and just so happen to be located near the Basilica Montmartre.

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The Louvre is a must visit.

It’s perfect for a day-long date. You can actually spend 3 or 4 days and still not see everything. Make sure you check out the Venus de Milo statue, or if you are short on time try to find all 17 artifacts that are featured in Beyonce and Jay-Z’s video “ApeShit.”

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Visit Paris by Scooter 

If you get tired of the Metro there is nothing more dangerously romantic than riding through the Paris streets on a motorized scooter. If you rent one and travel together, you can get from the Louvre to the Eiffel tower in about 20 minutes. From an intimacy standpoint, that’s huge.

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The Top of the Eiffel Tower

Not only was it cool being able to go to the highest structure in Paris., but they make sure you culminate your visit with a glass of champagne and kiss once you get there.

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The food of course

The food of course was just fantastic especially the croissants from Le Pain Retrouve, a bakery in Montmartre.

The French are so passionate about their food and wine. What was awesome was drinking Vin Chaud (hot-wine) out in the open on a cold winter’s night. There was just something magical about drinking it on the open.

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There are many romantic places you can visit and I haven’t been to all of them yet, but if I get another opportunity to take a trip with my spouse during the winter I’ll choose Paris each and every time and these 7 reasons will make it that special.

Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love. If you’re unsure if you can really put how you feel into words and you need some help, visit his website or follow him on Twitter for more love and relationship advice.

 
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Posted by on January 14, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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The 12 Fights Every Couple Must Conquer to Have a Strong Marriage!

When you’re in the honeymoon phase of your marriage there is no argument that will derail your love because the feelings are so intense and the connection is so passionate.

If you are fortunate enough to get through the honeymoon phase as most married couples do, there are 12 arguments that almost every marriage goes through if you want to last.

The What are You Doing Fight?

This is probably the first fight you will have after the honeymoon phase. This is the fight were the intense love has worn off and the idiosyncracies of your partner starts to wear on your nerves.

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The Proving Your Right Fight!

This type of fight starts when each couple’s views on the relationship from their own point-of-view. Each person will expend tremendous amounts of energy making sure their point is heard, but usually, nothing gets resolved.

The You’re Nagging and I’m not listening Fight.

The type of fight occurs when a “What Are You Doing?” Fight goes unresolved. The frustrated partner then ramps up the emotions to the point where the other partner tends to ignore it.

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The When are You Going To Do The( Insert Chore Here) Fight!

When household responsibilites that were once 50/50 in a relationship have now become one-sided. This fight is usually an undercurrent of what is really going on. It’s about the expectations of the relationship and feeling appreciated.

The He/She Better Do Right By My Birthday Fight!

When the special time to show appreciation turns into the same old boring celebration. This fight usually occurs because no matter what, Partner B does, he/she will never meet the expectations of Partner A.

 

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The Bad Reputation Fight!

Because you’ve argued about the same thing so many times you stay in defense mode instead of getting to the core of the problem. This argument is hard to overcome because the defenses you have built up over time keeps you from getting to the core of the issue.

 

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The You Don’t Care About Me Fight!

When a fight falls on deaf ears and Partner A feels that Partner B doesn’t care enough to do anything to change it.

 

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Parenting Differences Fight!

When your personality differences become a problem when it comes to raising your kids.

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The Money Fight!

When the an individuals thoughts and priorities about money aren’t discussed and agreed upon.

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The Sex Fight!

When the anger, arguing and acrimony about sex turns into an argument.

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The In-Laws

When you don’t have a plan on how you will interact with each other’s families affects your relationship.

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In order to conquer any of these 12 arguments, you have to work at figuring out what is the core issue you are mad about and communicating it to your partner so you can have to marriage journey that you want.

 

Keith Dent is a relationship and life coach at Strive2Succeed Coaching and the author of “In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of  Love.” His work has appeared on The Good Men Project, MamaMia, and The Real Dad’s Network. If you’d like to figure out the type of relationship that is best for you, give him a shout via email at info@strive2succeedcoaching.com

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

14 Quotes That Highlight The Traits Needed For Today’s Dad.

In a recent article, Do Father’s Really Make A Difference, it’s clear that when a father and mother live together, the kids perform better in school, and have lower rates of delinquency and substance.

But, it’s not about just being present. The role model a father can play can help a child feel connected and learn lessons that will strengthen them.
So what are some of those personality traits that will do just that? Here are 14 of the best quotes that will describe the traits you need to make a difference in your child’s life.

1.Patience

Your kids will test you as they grow and mature. Having patience is essential.

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You will even need Patience with yourself. Don’t waver when things get hard. Stay the course.

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2. Values

When you have values that are rooted in something higher than yourself it guides your decision making.

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Having strong values not only helps you share yourself, but also helps you pass down your legacy to your children.

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3. Open-Minded

Being open-minded means you understand you’re raising children than yourself. Be able to teach as well as learn.

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Being open-minded enough to express their own thoughts and pursue their own dreams and goals will help your children thrive.

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4. Loving

Consistently showing love to your family is vital. Your kids will do better in school, be more empathetic and avoid risky behaviors.

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The more love you show, the more love you will get back. Love is about being vulnerable.

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5. Loyalty

Being loyal means you will be there no matter what, especially during the hard times.

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When your family gets attacked by life, a loyal father must hang in there. It’s what makes the family stronger.

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6.Honesty

Relationships are built on trust and being honest. It’s not about being perfect, but you must do what you say you are going to do.

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When you are honest with your children, they will feel safe and share their life with you. It’s what intimate relationships are built on.

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7. Lead by Example

As the co-leader of the family what he does and the choices he makes will have a ripple effect throughout the entire family. Leading by example is about planting seeds.

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Fatherhood is about being a role model. It will not only make your family happier and more stable, but it will also make the community and the world a better place to live.

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If you’re a father, figure out which of these traits you are missing and work on them. Practice them until you can display them consistently and meaningfully with your family. You will be happy that you did and your kids will be happy too.

If you are stuck with figuring out how to incorporate some of these traits into your life and you need help contact me info@strive2succeedcoaching.com.

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2018 in Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

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7 Things Harry Must Do In Order For His Marriage to Thrive

photo of groom putting wedding ring on his bride

Photo by Jeremy Wong on Pexels.com

Harry the time has come.  All the guests have arrived. You finished your rehearsal and now that you have a few minutes of quiet time, it’s time to think about 7 things you must do as you prepare for marriage. Yesterday Meghan thought about several things, now it’s your turn.

  1. You didn’t just choose her, she chose you, too! That is very important to understand because that mean Meghan truly is aware of the drama that will consume your lives on an everyday basis. She is ready and willing to take on the challenge and take it on with you.
  2. Embrace her independence. She isn’t expecting this marriage to totally change her life now that she is marrying you. She is going to expect to continue to reach for her goals and to champion her causes like gender equity.
  3. Meghan’s not her family. Just because her dad was allegedly colluding with the paparazzi and her sister is trying to cash in on the fame doesn’t mean that’s her. You fell in love with Meghan for Meghan. Even though it’s nice to have family cohesiveness it doesn’t mean the marriage won’t work if you don’t.
  4. You can lean on her for support. You know there were times where you suffered from depression. Being married and eventually a father has its own set of pressures. Don’t think you need to take that on all by yourself. Have the courage and be vulnerable enough to share these issues with Meghan when they bubble to the surface. She will hold you up.
  5. There will still be times where she will need your protection. Even though Meghan is a very strong, centered, independent woman, keep in mind she is the one making the biggest adjustment. She’s moving to a new country, putting her career temporarily on hold in order to acclimate herself to a whole new set of norms. Be vigilant when you see things are getting overwhelming. That is what a good husband should do.
  6. Be Patient. Things may not click in right away and she may need to take a break and return to the U.S. early in the marriage. It’s a big adjustment.
  7. At the end of the day it’s just the two of you. Once the wedding is over and you strip away all the pomp and circumstance, it will just be you and Meghan. Enjoy getting to really know her and growing old with her.
 
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Posted by on May 18, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

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