Can you believe that even though you are married, you might not be meeting your partner’s needs?
For example you might assume that you are no longer have to check-in with your spouse every day, since you go to him or her. On the contrary, you might have to do it more because other distractions like work and kids can keep you from really connecting. And if this is one of your partner’s core need, this can really cause friction in your marriage.
So if you want to know if your partner’s needs are being met here are FOUR questions that you should ask to get the dialogue going?
What are your partner’s 3 basic core needs?
According to Willard Harley, author of His Needs/Her Needs, failing to make your partner happy is one of the main sources of conflict within a marriage. Most successful couples don’t get married because the sex was so incredible they needed it all the time, or they knew they would be financially set for life. People get married because they feel their partner will meet their most important needs. If you don’t know what they are, then you should ask.
What are your needs?
This is important because if your needs aren’t being met, you surely aren’t going to meet your partner’s needs. If you are without your needs being met, then you resent your partner for it. Make sure you are clear on what you need and communicate that to your partner.
Are you ready to meet their needs?
This may involve some adjustments on your part. Let’s go back to the check-in example. If you have a very busy schedule, you will have to be strategic on how you show your partner that his/her need to hear from you is being met. You may have to carve out time on your calendar or be creative on how you check in. The question you want to ask yourself, “Is this person important in your life and will you do what it takes to make them happy?”
Will your partner meet your needs?
If your partner is tuned in, he/she will make sure that your needs are met. If not, you will need to have a frank conversation before you go elsewhere to have your needs met.
If you feel your needs aren’t being met, but you are having difficulty talking about it, please contact Keith Dent for a free consultation at info@keithdent.com.
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