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When you are married, you some day have to Grow Up: How to distinquish childish love vs. mature love.

14 Jan

It hasn’t been a good month for relationships so far in January 2014. An Italian man asked to go to jail over living under “house arrest” with his wife and Dwayne Wade had to inform his newly engaged fiancé that he recently fathered a love child.

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You may be wondering what is the big deal, or you may be so outraged as my man MoKelly was in his blog the Mo’Kelly report to just throw up your hands and say there is just no hope.

I say it comes down to one thing, mature love vs. childish love. A lot of people enter into love relationships for the wrong reasons. They bring the same vulnerabilities and emotional feelings they had as children. With that mindset, the same behaviors go along with it. As a child, who is unable to meet his/her needs, his caretakers or in this case his/her partner become all-powerful and expressions of praise and approval become emotional blankets.

Dr. Harville Hendrix states very eloquently that we unconsciously choose mates who reflect both positive and negative qualities of our original caretakers, in order to resolve the unfinished business of our childhood. That’s why people so often say “I knew she was the one as soon as I laid eyes on her” or “I felt as if I’d known him all m life.”

So what type of love relationship do you have?  Here are a few 5 examples:

childishlove2

Childish Love                                                      vs.                         Mature Love

You fear abandonment.                                                                     You are secure and can tolerate feelings                                                                                                       of sadness and anxiety without being                                                                                                           consumed by them.

You need constant reinforcement that                                                 You trust that you are loved and don’t  you are loved.                                                                                  constantly search for proof.

You have no control over your emotions                                               You accept that you has flaws as well as others and you easily humiliated.                                                    do too and are not devastated and fearful when you make mistakes.

You fear change and resist stretching yourself.                                      You know that stretching outside your                                                                                                          comfort zone is good for you and                                                                                                                  overall  well-being.

You will do anything not to lose your relationship                                    You can accept loss, but never                                                                                                                     yourself.

Most relationships can work if you show up and commit yourself to grow up!

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Posted by on January 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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