You have now survived your break-up based on the tools give in my previous post, When the Trap can’t be escaped! It’s time to prepare yourself when you meet the next person, at a friend’s social gathering, or at work, even at a wedding. Stranger things have happened when it involves LOVE.
You now understand what your attachment style is, but to be fully armored for your next relationship and to cure your past relationship mistakes, this tool will help you be fully equipped. Effective Communication!
What’s the Purpose of Effective Communication!
Effective Communication serves several purposes:
- Will help you save time. In this digital age, you can get caught up and entrenched in someone else’s life adding a potential mate to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. With effective communication, you can determine whether your potential partner will be able to meet your needs. Asking the right questions and being direct about what you need to make a relationship sustainable. If a person is truly engaged about your wants and desires and chooses to put your well-being first, the relationship has promise.
- Identifying your needs to your partner gives the opportunity to meet them. Most of the time in relationships we always work to put our best foot forward and avoid telling our partners about our weaknesses. Identifying those needs up front removes the mask and allows your partner to reciprocate.
- Judge verbal and nonverbal responses. – it’s not always what your partner says that’s important, but what they don’t say that can help you understand your importance to them:
- Does s/he try to get to the bottom of your concerns?
- Does s/he respond to the issue at hand or does s/he try to duck you.
- Does s/he take your concerns seriously or does s/he try to belittle you and make you feel foolish.
- Does s/he try to make you feel better or is s/he go on the defensive.
- Does s/he only concerned about the facts or are they in tune with your emotional security
- If you are anxious, effective communication can be used as a substitute for acting out emotionally. When your attachment system is activated, you tend to do something to bring your partner closer to the detriment of the relationship. Effective Communication will help you truly address your relationship concerns. If you’re avoidant, effective communication will let your partner understand your need for space within the relationship whether it be emotional or physical. This will help assure your partner that it’s not about them.
What are the Five Principles of Effective Communication!
- Being emotionally brave. Be open and honest about your feelings.
- “Need”, “Feel” and “Want” are your best friends. These words will be crucial to expressing what you will need from your partner.
- Be specific. Part of effective communication will require you to be specific in order for your partner to truly understand.
- Don’t play the blame game. If you focus on your partner’s issues, it will dilute what you are trying to accomplish.
- Be assertive and don’t apologize. Your attachment style is based on who you are. Don’t feel bad about that. Own your personality. It’s the key to your happiness.
If you use these tools effectively, you will be on your way to a strong relationship. Remember, effective communication is a process, your concerns and deal breakers won’t be solved overnight, but if your partner is concerned about your well-being and have taken your interests to heart. It’s a great start,
Material taken from Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine M.D.