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When it comes to Attachment – Opposites don’t Attract.

25 Jul

Have you ever noticed some of the articles in Essence Magazine, as well as countless others always ask the same question over and over, “Why do I keep falling for the same, unavailable, unemotional, unattached guy?” The complete opposite!

The problem, is when you have an anxious attachment style it’s almost unavoidable. There are three reasons for this.

  1. There are just more of them around because they get over partners very quickly. An avoidant attachment styled man will usually go through multiple marriages.
  2. People with secure attachment styles are usually content with their marital situation,so you won’t find many of those around.
  3. A person with an avoidant style won’t date another avoidant. They already know the relationship is going nowhere for both parties, so why bother.

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Even though, it’s almost inevitable that you as an anxious attachment style will find someone who is an avoidant attachment style, doesn’t mean there is no hope for you. You just have to be aware when your emotions start to kick in gear. Here are some reasons why you should be cautious.

YOU (Anxious Style)                                                    THEY(Avoidant Style)

Want closeness and intimacy. Want to maintain some distance emotional and or physical.
Sensitive to any signs of rejection. Send mixed signals that can come across as rejecting.
Can’t tell them what you need from the relationship. Can’t read your cues (verbal/nonverbal) and want to.
Need reassurance and to feel loved. Puts you down as a way to deactivate their attachment style.
Need to know where you stand. Prefers to keep you guessing. Even if the relationship is serious, questions will linger.

So for all of you anxious people out there, how long are you are going to program yourself to fall for individuals that more than likely won’t make you happy.

If you have an anxious style, I would love to hear what you do to minimize your emotional rollercoaster, while dating.

Material taken from Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine M.D.

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