This past weekend was the annual Jack-N-Jill Teen Summit at SUNY Westbury. It was a nice and I was grateful for the opportunity to present the teens with ways to develop a healthy relationship before they get married.
The main topic of the discussion was centered around sports. We talked about what makes teams excel and how the acts of one individual can destroy a team. The teens were a little confused at first, but things soon became clear when I explained that relationships are just a team of 2, instead of 5, 9, or 11.
Do you think of your marriage/relationship as a team?
If you do, and you want to maximize your opportunity to win the Marriage Game, here are some tips to a cohesive team.
- Demonstrate Reliability – A reliable team member gets work done and does their fair share to work hard and meet commitments. Consistency is key. You can count on him or her to be there for you all the time, not just some of the time.
- Communicates Constructively -This two-person team need both parties to speak up and express their thoughts and ideas clearly, directly, honestly, and with respect for other person on the team.
- Listens Actively – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for team meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
- Functions as an Active Participant – Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for family meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They’re fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines.Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
- Shares openly and willingly – Good team players share. They’re willing to share information, knowledge, and experience. They take the initiative to keep other team members informed. Good team players are good at informal sharing. They keep other team members in the loop with information and advice that helps get the job done and prevents surprises.
- Cooperates and pitches in to help. – Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. Effective team players work this way by second nature. Good team players, despite differences they may have with other team members concerning style and perspective, figure out ways to work together to solve problems and get work done. They respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer help.
- Exhibits flexibility – Teams often deal with changing conditions — and often create changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don’t complain or get stressed out because the other team member wants to train something new is being tried or some new direction is being set.In addition, a flexible team member can consider different points of views and compromise when needed. He or she doesn’t hold rigidly to a point of view and argue it to death, especially when the team needs to move forward to make a decision or get something done. Strong team players are firm in their thoughts yet open to what others have to offer — flexibility at its best.
- Shows committment to the team – Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team’s work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same.
- Works as a problem solver – Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner. They’re problem-solvers, not problem-dwellers, problem-blamers, or problem-avoiders. They don’t simply rehash a problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don’t look for others to fault, as the blamers do. And they don’t put off dealing with issues, the way avoiders do.Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.
- Treat others in a respectful supportive manner -Team players treat fellow team members with courtesy and consideration — not just some of the time but consistently. In addition, they show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done. They don’t place conditions on when they’ll provide assistance, when they’ll choose to listen, and when they’ll share information. Good team players also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both), but they don’t have fun at someone else’s expense. Quite simply, effective team players deal with their other teammates in a loving manner.
I would like to hear how you are doing as a team player? What changes do you need to implement so your couple-team will be more effective?
Have a great day everyone and remember to #iLoveStrong