Better Sex involves getting hold of your senses!

I decided not to add this topic in my last post because I felt it needed its own category. Usually sex, or good sex is synonymous with orgasmic pleasure. As a man, you have reached your goal when you achieve orgasm. That could either take a few minutes, or hours depending on several variables.  In the art of lovemaking, you can really achieve you goal if your partner also achieves orgasm and the ultimate prize is when you both do it simultaneously.

One thought, do you ever consider what other parts of the body feel good when they are touched by your partner. Not really! Why would you when most of the time you reach our goal. Men, wouldn’t be nice and you would feel like the true champion in the bedroom; achieving the ultimate goal every time you had sex with your spouse.

One way to do that is what therapists call Sensate Focusing. Studied by William Masters and Virginia Johnson, sensate focusing is the art of using nonintercourse, nongenital pleasuring exercises to help improve your sex life.  The purpose is twofold: to keep you focused on sensuality and touching in your physical relationship, and to help you learn to communicate openly and naturally about what you like and don’t like in lovemaking.

As a man, I know you are wondering, why would I need to stray from what’s working. After several months of scheduling a night to have sex with my wife, I can go to sleep and wait for the next few months when I will get to do it over again. Fellas, you know that after you have had sex, you want to continue having it more often.  There are several benefits to trying this exercise:


You know having infrequent sex doesn’t improve your stamina in the bedroom. By focusing on something besides doing it right, sex can become more enjoyable. And you don’t have to worry about your wife giving that sarcastic grin while telling you, “Maybe next month.”  The idea is to pleasure your mate through full body touch, massage, stroking and caressing. I am sure your wife will enjoy that because the night is relaxed, tender.


You may discover for the first time in your life what real emotional, intimate erotic connection feels like.


You get to truly connect with your partner without sex. Your problems in the bedroom is that your partner is having sex with you, but doesn’t feel connected. By switching the focus, the act of sex can be healing and very powerful.


There might have been things you wanted to tell your partner about her lovemaking, but never did because it might disrupt  you from achieving your goal, orgasm. With this exercise, she will get the opportunity to learn your likes and dislikes and vice versa.


When you do, you may find out that your wife is that tiger in the bedroom that you have been waiting to see, but you just never took the time to find out.

Here’s how it works:

  • With your partner, you will determine who will be the giver and who will be the receiver. As the receiver you will let your partner touch/massage you in areas besides your genital region where it feels good. You will give either verbal, or hand guided feedback on where that is.  Verbal feedback will consist of where you like to be touched, the intensity of your touch and where to go next.
  • As the giver, your role is to provide the pleasure, and be attentive on how your partner reacts to your touch. It’s very important to ask for feedback as often as possible. The goal of this exercise is to give what your partner wants, you what you feel he/she needs.
  • Then you will switch roles.
  • Over time as you continue to use this technique, it will become easier to communicate openly about your feelings about sex. By working together and touching together you will enjoy reaching the Ultimate Goal.

Men, STRIVE for that Ultimate Goal.

Coach Keith

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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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