She Said/He Said – You never know where a chance meeting will take you!

After just winning a hair-styling competition, Daleesa Weary just wanted to enjoy a nice dinner and maybe some drinks with her fellow stylists in the business.  They had other ideas. They wanted to hit the clubs to really celebrate. Reluctantly, she decided to go. Little did she know, a simple introduction from a drunken friend would lead to   17 years of a wonderful marriage to Cedric Weary. In this edition of She Said/He Said, Daleesa shares her story on how she feels about the importance of marriage.

1. What was the initial thing that attracted you to your husband?

The first thing that attracted me to my husband was his physical appearance. As we got to know each other I was even more attracted to him because of his charm & chivalry. I loved that he regularly went to church. He was so fun to be around and always made me smile. I admired his passion and dreams for his career in the music industry.

2. When was the moment that you can remember he was the one you wanted to marry?

I’m not sure there was any single ‘moment’ I wanted to marry him. Gradually over time, I was sure I wanted to marry him. I prayed for several years that he would be the one.

3. In your 17 years of marriage what has surprised you the most about marriage?

What has surprised me the most about marriage is how many challenges come along that you have to try to find a way to work through. Things can happen that you would never expect. You can know someone so well, then 10 years into the marriage wonder why they don’t seem to be the same person you married. The secret to survival is working through all the difficulties. When you make it through difficult times you always end up stronger. Communication barriers must be broken down or you will never get anywhere and one or both of you will want to just throw in the towel.

4. What are the three things that have helped you maintain your marriage longevity?     There are many things that have helped our marriage to last so long but the main three are definitely Love, Prayer & Forgiveness (in that order)!

5. Knowing what you know now, would you have approached marriage in a different way early on? How?

Yes! I wish that I had put God completely first in my life rather than my significant other. I fell into pressure because of the love I had for Cedric, when deep down inside I knew that certain choices I was making were not spiritually healthy for our relationship. I let the fear of losing Cedric get the best of me. The result – hard lessons learned. Since I obviously can’t change the past I know that I at least have my experiences to help others possibly see that similar routes may not really be all they’re cracked up to be.

6. What are 3 things modern-day couples should do in order to achieve longevity in their marriage?     Three things modern-day couples should do to achieve longevity in their marriage is:

  • Talk, talk, talk and never stop! Be sure to talk about things that are important. Don’t be afraid to talk about the things that matter most. Talk about how things make you feel. Be open with each other. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to achieve the open communication. When the communication ceases, the thoughts take over and the thoughts can lead you down a really awful path.
  • Respect one another even when you both don’t completely agree. If the issue is something of vital importance, be willing to compromise and meet somewhere in between the differences.
  • Don’t give up!! Sometimes you have to look past your current circumstances in order to see your way through them. As hard as it may seem, don’t let giving up be an option. Nothing compares to growing older and wiser together. There is a blessing in being able to look each other in the eyes and smile without saying a word, knowing that you both are so glad you made it together and never gave up!!! Always remember that true love never dies. Anyone saying otherwise is only telling you lies!!!

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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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