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Are you a connection blocker? (Part 2)

24 May

I know you had a sigh of relief, when you read Connection Blockers – Part 1, and realized your action hadn’t created a wedge between you and your partner! From my last post, a connection blocker is someone who doesn’t really want to know and understand their partner.

Here are the final 7 connection blockers. Which one are you?

  1. You use shutdown statements and behaviors. – When you are mad or hurt, these statements bring communication to a halt.
    • Fine” or “Everything’s fine” (when it’s not fine).
    • “Doesn’t matter or Whatever
    • Give your partner the silent treatment.
  2. You shift the blame. – It’s your basic cause and effect argument. When your partners feelings are hurt, you react by saying it’s because of them. By choosing to use a counterattack on your partner shuts down any chance at connection.
  3. You use Sarcasm – Not only does it shut down the connection..It hurts.
  4. You use “You Always or “You Never” – these statements are general statements, but are not usually based on reality. Phrases like “You never listen to me” or “You always cut me off ” cause your partner to be confused. These statements tend help describe a feeling, but not the problem.
  5. You jump to your own experiences and don’t validate your partner’s issue. –  Instead of just listening to your partner’s issues, you try to minimize the damage by bringing up your own. This connection blocker hangs your partner out to dry.
  6. You try to fix it. – Sometimes just listening is the fix.
  7. You use the “I’m just no good” statement. – this will cut off any chance at connecting with your partner. By playing the victim, your partner will almost always save you from your victim stance otherwise they admit to themselves they made a bad choice. Therefore, they negate their unresolved feelings.

Now that you understand connection blockers, look out for them. If you see they exist, it’s ok. Work with your partner to identify when either of you use these blockers so you can remove them and deepen your relationship.

Coach Keith

 

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1 Comment

Posted by on May 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “Are you a connection blocker? (Part 2)

  1. K.C.

    June 5, 2012 at 4:45 am

    This weekend my partner and I were trying to pinpoint exactly what our issues are. Apart from some misunderstandings that we’ve both recognized, we’re facing so many stumbling blocks very early in the relationship. I had doubts about even remaining his friend a few months ago, when the relationship seemed to be volatile, but he dismissed it as us having had one or two disagreements which he thought we’d put to rest. I thought then that he did not take responsibility and just shifted the blame onto me. Sarcasm was often a defense tactic that he used. We took a short break from speaking to each other and that’s helped the situation because he’s more open and loving now, but I’ve put up barriers now because I’m a bit wary. I’ve found myself shutting down and withdrawing because I’m afraid of allowing myself to be too vulnerable to him. I shouldn’t hold back now, though, because he’s expressed to me that he recognizes that he needs to be more patient and understanding of me. That means a lot me because I’ve seen a bit of a temper from him. He is more patient and loving towards me and I do want to continue building a friendship and, ideally, a strong romantic relationship with him. I’m willing to address and work on the reasons that I’ve been withdrawing. I believe that he’ll work on his connection blockers. We’ll have to help each other if we see a future with each other.

     

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