Have you ever noticed when your partner started to tell you something important, but in the end never voiced what was on their mind. Or, after a very important discussion, all he/she ever did was shake their head in agreement, but never offered an opinion.
The reason is because you may be a connection blocker. A connection blocker is someone who doesn’t really want to know and understand their partner. Understanding your partner takes some key characteristics in order for connection to happen.
First you have to know yourself –what you think, want, desire, fear or want to communicate. Then you have to know how your spouse reacts to those same wants, fears and desires. You can only do that by asking the right questions.
So here is Part 1 of the possible connection blockers. Which one are you?
- You devalue your partner by saying things like “That’s not true,” or That’s totally crazy,” indicates that you don’t care about your partners feelings and that you are there to criticize and not connect.
- You minimize your partner – The “It’s not that bad.” statement is used to shut down your partner’s hope and that you will won’t understand. You may not feel the issue is as big a deal, but that’s not the issue right now. That’s where their heart is, connect around it.
- You get defensive with your partner – You try to fight off any attack that may bring any negative energy to you. When you attack, you are closed off from your partner and unwilling to hear anything about your behavior or attitude.
- You criticize or put down your partner– Being critical, when trying to build up your partner doesn’t work. Finding fault in your partner if it’s done for no good reason damages their self-esteem and ultimately damages your connection.
- You escalate or overreact with your partner – The more emotional the topic the more reactive and defensive you get. You must be aware of how your button(s) is get pushed and take alternative steps to remove yourself from the drama.
I would love to hear your comments about which connection blocker are you and how you try to minimize conflict.
Stay tuned to Part 2 of the connection blockers!
Coach Keith
iLoveStrong 
Great article! I feel that I’ve been guilty of being a #1 type of blocker of late. He had said once that I didn’t value what he had to say. I can appreciate that perspective, but there were many instances where I felt that he was talking “at” me so my defenses went up and KY manifested in me being dismissive of him. I’d
communicated this to him in the past, but I see that’s a core part of his personality. I’ve removed myself from this situation, but in the future I have to be patient enough to listen to the other’s point of view in its entirety. Also, being conscientious of my choice of words in response to him is critical.
True…sometimes it’s important to see what men don’t say as opposed to what they do say. Men, are more apt to keep things to themselves and not seem too aggressive to avoid a big blowout. Also, I have found that women can outtalk men so to avoid losing the battle, they won’t engage in the war to the detriment of the relationship.
Kethia, thanks for you comments..keep them coming.
Wow. I definitely have a communication issue. I think I’ve been guilty of being a blocker types 3 and 5! because of that, almost every serious conversation turns into a nasty argument!
Yves..thanks for the comment. Why do you think that is? What keeps you from accepting the words that are conveyed?