Are you a connection blocker? (Part 1)

Have you ever noticed when your partner started to tell you something important, but in the end never voiced what was on their mind. Or, after a very important discussion, all he/she ever did was shake their head in agreement, but never offered an opinion.

The reason is because you may be a connection blocker. A connection blocker is someone who doesn’t really want to know and understand their partner. Understanding your partner takes some key characteristics in order for connection to happen.

First you have to know yourself –what you think, want, desire, fear or want to communicate. Then you have to know how your spouse reacts to those same wants, fears and desires. You can only do that by asking the right questions.

So here is Part 1 of the possible connection blockers. Which one are you?

  1. You devalue your partner by saying things like “That’s not true,” or That’s totally crazy,” indicates that you don’t care about your partners feelings and that you are there to criticize and not connect.
  2. You minimize your partner – The “It’s not that bad.” statement is used to shut down your partner’s hope and that you will won’t understand. You may not feel the issue is as big a deal, but that’s not the issue right now. That’s where their heart is, connect around it.
  3. You get defensive with your partner – You try to fight off any attack that may bring any negative energy to you. When you attack, you are closed off from your partner and unwilling to hear anything about your behavior or attitude.
  4. You criticize or put down your partner– Being critical, when trying to build up your partner doesn’t work. Finding fault in your partner if it’s done for no good reason damages their self-esteem and ultimately damages your connection.
  5. You escalate or overreact with your partner – The more emotional the topic the more reactive and defensive you get. You must be aware of how your button(s) is get pushed and take alternative steps to remove yourself from the drama.

 I would love to hear your comments about which connection blocker are you and how you try to minimize conflict.

Stay tuned to Part 2 of the connection blockers!

 

Coach Keith

Published by

ilovestrong

Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

5 thoughts on “Are you a connection blocker? (Part 1)”

  1. Great article! I feel that I’ve been guilty of being a #1 type of blocker of late. He had said once that I didn’t value what he had to say. I can appreciate that perspective, but there were many instances where I felt that he was talking “at” me so my defenses went up and KY manifested in me being dismissive of him. I’d
    communicated this to him in the past, but I see that’s a core part of his personality. I’ve removed myself from this situation, but in the future I have to be patient enough to listen to the other’s point of view in its entirety. Also, being conscientious of my choice of words in response to him is critical.

    1. True…sometimes it’s important to see what men don’t say as opposed to what they do say. Men, are more apt to keep things to themselves and not seem too aggressive to avoid a big blowout. Also, I have found that women can outtalk men so to avoid losing the battle, they won’t engage in the war to the detriment of the relationship.

  2. Wow. I definitely have a communication issue. I think I’ve been guilty of being a blocker types 3 and 5! because of that, almost every serious conversation turns into a nasty argument!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.