Amidst the Chaos comes Change.

In the individualistic society of the United States, it’s hard to think that you are connected to your partner in so many ways. If you really think about it, your lives intersect physically, socially, financially, emotionally, domestically and spiritually just to name a few. Yet, when problems occur in our marriage, we will usually feel that our partner is to blame. We will throw up our hands and say, “There is nothing I can do about it.”

I totally disagree. There have been times, I have only coached one person in a couple and have empowered them on how to bring change in a relationship. Individuals have always marvelled at how their relationship improved base on subtle changes they made.

These changes are based on what is called chaos theory. It’s a scientific theory in simple terms states that  a little change in one part of a system can make a big change in another. Based on this fact, we should feel hopeful and excited that our relationships can changed based on things we can control.The changes we can make!

So how can you make changes? Here are some empowering ways you can do it.

Speak up!

Say what you need. If you are clear and specific that will help to end the problem. Sometimes we waver about our own needs and that can cause our partner to be confused.

Speak out!

If there are things that your partner does that clearly irritate you. Say it. Isn’t it better for your partner to know what line not to cross, instead of having them try to figure it out and getting it wrong.

Own your emotions!

Like I said earlier, when there is conflict we will blame our partner. Why! It’s easier. When our partners are forced to defend themselves, problems never get solved because we are focusing on winning the battle and not the war. Conflict in relationships are inevitable, how you handle it is optional. Whatever your emotional trigger is, that creates the conflict own it so you can react properly when it comes.

Instead of waiting for change, you be the change!

We almost always feel our partner has to change in order for our relationship to work. Based on the chaos theory a subtle change you make can have a major effect on your relationship in a positive way. You take the initiative and be positive. Seek out a relationship coach such as Coach Keith that can help you brainstorm different ideas.

Continue to Grow!

Get healthy. When we are in relationship that has major conflict we often get stuck and stop growing. Continue to grow personally, emotionally and spiritually. By maintaining a strong, positive outlook on your life, your partner will either gravitate towards it and change or move away from it. Either way, your sense of self-will remain intact.

Now I ask you what is one change that you can make that may have a positive affect on your relationship.


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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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