M.M.M. – How toxic thinking can derail your Marriage!

Toxic thinking or is the act of thinking negatively to the point where it takes over all your thoughts and damages your self-esteem and relationship.

As part of Marriage Music Monday, we are going to tackle this issue of toxic thinking and the tools we need to identify how it seeps into our relationship and what we can do to turn it around.

We often don’t realize how our thoughts impact our actions.  Some of the lyrics from today’s selection This is Not Real Love by George Michael, he sings..

And I said this is not real love

Real Love

Baby it don’t glisten and shine the way it used to.

Those lyrics suggest that his mind-set has changed just because the relationship isn’t shiny, bright and neat. In other words, his toxic thoughts have impacted his view on the relationship.

So how can you know if your toxic thoughts are impacting your relationship. Here are some warning signs:

  1. Your spouse just irritates you, even if they are miles away.
  2. The act of saying “Thank You” is a struggle. And don’t even think I’m doing anything nice.
  3. If I want to talk about my dreams, I would rather talk to my dentist before my spouse.
  4. Amnesia is a constant state of mind when it comes to remembering the good times.
  5. Doing fun things together is non-existent.
  6. When is comes to Sex….crickets.
  7. Up with Hope is a big fat NOPE when you consider improving your relationship.
  8. Somehow being criticized and judged by your partner constantly hangs over your head like one of those airplane advertisements.
  9. You’re just angry by the fact that my partner doesn’t know you. Your thoughts! Your needs! He or she is supposed to be my soul-mate, right?

The answer to the last question should be yes, but your catabolic thoughts have taken over your art of acting in a loving way toward your spouse. Strivers, let’s tackle this issue. Over the next couple of weeks we will examine what steps we need to identify this type of thinking and the tools necessary to remove it.

Coach Keith


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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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