Nothing but the Facts, at least the Personal One’s (Intimacy Level #2)

I am writing this blog a little later than usual, so you might be entering the door after a long day at work. The only energy you may have is to talk about the weather, the job, sports, or the politics of the day. If that type of staccato language permeates your basic conversations with your spouse along with the good ‘ole cliché’, then you are slowly on your way to a yawner of a marriage.

All is not lost. In  Matthew Kelly’s book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy, interpersonal facts are important to help initialize conversation, but in order to create that necessary from bridge from the second to the third level of intimacy you must be able to shift from lower level interpersonal facts to higher lever interpersonal facts, those that are stimulating and lead to an increased level of learning, and finally to personal facts, those rare facts that you possess that help the other person become the best version of themselves.

What is the recipe for this type of intimate behavior with our spouse? Our speech. We have the opportunity to focus on being more positive than negative. And we can do that any number of ways.

  1. Acknowledge your partner for doing something good, or right.
  2. Don’t be so quick to judge one another. Judgement can cloud our inner and outer exchanges with our partners and kill the relationship. Practice the art of nonjudgement.
  3. Work on correcting, rather than criticizing.This can be very difficult depending on how your spouse views your words and tone of would want to acknowledge the effort of your partner before you correct.
  4. Reduce Gossip
  5. Find moments to voice your moments of appreciation. This will going a long way making your partner feel loved and valued.
  6. Look at how you filter your speech..If you say “whatever is on your mind” all the time.  In what other ways are you undisciplined?

I started this blog by acknowledging the fact that you may be tired due to your depleted energy, but did you ever think that you partner you are coming home to is lonely. Lonely by the mere interpersonal, mundane facts that you give day after day.

Today, do something different. Take your spouse by the hand sit across from them and tell them as many personal facts that you can think of in a couple of minutes..It will break the monotony and lead to the next level of intimacy you are longing for.

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Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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