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What Coach Keith would say to Maria and Arnold!

11 May

Well it’s over!  Arnold Schwarzenegger echoed his famous lines, but in the opposite direction. He said, ” I won’t be back!” The audience, Maria Shriver was ok with that.

After 25 years of marriage, two polar opposites Arnold and his wife, Maria Shriver, couldn’t hold it together. The political arena that  was so prevalent in their marriage couldn’t hold their marriage together and left a huge void that they couldn’t overcome.

One of the dynamics that I stress so deeply in my Strive 2 Succeed Workbook is the need for a family mission statement and maintaining a social inventory. Having these things in place are vital in marriage and it’s something you have to review periodically.

As evidence in today’s New York Times article, with Arnold losing the governorship, they were in a transition. Arnold was driven by work, and the limelight evidenced by the fact that he immediately needed to return to acting and jet-setting around the world in order to maintain his image. Maria, successful in her own right felt that it was now her turn to redefine herself with the support from her husband. It never came, so she felt it’s better to find my way on my own.

Maria’s not alone. After 10 plus years of marriage, you may find yourself thinking  is this it? Yesterday, I was donating blood and the lovely volunteer told me, she had to bolt from her 35 year marriage because she didn’t want to just be a grandmother watching kids all day, and going back to Florida to take advantage of the early bird specials and play golf.  SHE WANTED TO LIVE ON HER TERMS. That’s understandable. If you feel that way, don’t wait to have that conversation when the transition comes, periodically discuss those dreams when they arise.

If you are unsure as Maria is, what it is you want to do. I would do these three things before you decide you want to do them alone:

  1. Breath – once you’re mind is in a quiet place, you will think more clearly.
  2. What are the things in your life that has given you the most joy? Can we incorprate them in our marriage?
  3. What’s the first thing you would like to do to enjoy your life?

I wouldn’t let Arnold of the hook either. I would tell him to tell his wife:

  1. Thank You for the political backing your name gave me, otherwise I’d just be a movie star.
  2. Thank you sticking by me and supporting me, when I had no political experience, and disrespecting you in public.
  3. Thank you for allowing me to blossom while you took a back seat in  your career. I wish I was strong enough to put my ego on hold so you could pursue your passions.

Who knows, if he had said those things, and they reviewed their lives together, he just might  be back!

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